The SmarK Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2004
- Live from Cleveland, OH.
- Your hosts are JR, King, Cole & Tazz, all at ringside tonight for some reason.
- Opening match, Cruiserweight title: Spike Dudley v. Rey Mysterio v. Chavo Guerrero v. Billy Kidman.
I guess Chavo is supposed to be a babyface now, despite being a terrible babyface. Spike's beard continues to impress, getting into Jim Neidhart territory now. Rey starts with Spike while Chavo goes with Kidman. Spike does the double-stomp on Rey and then double-teams Chavo along with Kidman, as they give him a corner clothesline before Kidman turns on Spike and dumps him. Rey dumps Kidman, leaving Rey and Chavo. Cole calls them "good friends" despite them fighting what seems like a million times in the past year. They do a pinfall reversal segment and Rey counters a powerbomb with a rana, but Chavo catches a quebrada attempt. Spike breaks it up and pounds on Rey in the corner, then chokes away. Chavo clubs him down from behind and tries a backdrop suplex, and they clothesline each other. Meanwhile, Kidman and Rey fight on the top and Rey brings him down with a rana off the apron that looked like a really painful landing. That's the point, I guess. Chavo then atomic drops Rey over the top, onto Kidman, leaving it Spike and Chavo, but Chavo flows into a pescado onto the guys outside. Spike tries his own, but everyone just moves and he splats. Funny spot. So back in, it's Chavo and Kidman. Cole accuses Kidman of "an intentional Shooting Star Press". Perish the thought. Spike goes after Chavo and gets an atomic drop into a clothesline, but Rey saves a pin. Spike sends Rey into the corner in dramatic fashion and gets two. Spike then bar-slides Rey under the ropes and to the floor in another nice bump. Spike goes up and gets caught by Chavo, and Kidman assists in a stacked superplex. That was an old Edge & Christian spot for those who weren't around for their glory days. They trade near-falls and then Kidman chokes Rey out in the corner, but misses a blind charge. He comes back with a stiff BK bomb and goes up (which actually draws a reaction from the normally apathetic crowds these days) but he gets knocked off. Spike goes with Rey and tries the Dudley Dog, but Rey counters into the 619. Kidman pulls Rey down for another good bump by Rey, so Chavo hits the Gory Bomb on Spike for two. Kidman saves THAT, too, but gets hauled out by Rey, and Spike steals the pin on Chavo at 9:04. Too short, but tons of hot spots made it a lot of fun. ***1/2
- Meanwhile, it's the meeting of the minds, as Gene Snitsky bumps into John Heidenreich, and they proceed to have the exchange of the year: "I like your poetry", "I like what you do to babies". It's not the same without the snorting and huffing, but it's certainly the best thing they'll ever do, promo-wise. One only wishes, however, that Dan Madigan's original plan for Heidenreich (frozen iceman Nazi from 1939) had gone through, so they could have had an exchange like "I like what you do to babies", "I like what you do to Jews" and really drawn some heat. Of course, being managed by Paul Heyman probably wouldn't be an option, then. (2011 Scott sez: They totally could have tied that Heidenreich idea in with Captain America!)
- Intercontinental title: Shelton Benjamin v. Christian.
Your obvious sign of the night: "Shelton is still champ." No shit. Lockup to start and Shelton works a hammerlock until Christian runs to the ropes. Back to the center and Shelton wrestles him down again, but Christian makes the ropes again. Christian works the arm, but Shelton counters out and grabs a headlock as JR informs us that Shelton ran a 4 240 at 235 at 1223 on 11/23/01 or whatever. Apparently the numbers are very impressive, whatever they mean. They slug it out and Shelton skins the cat into a punch, and then springboards in with a clothesline for two. Shelton counters a monkey-flip and lands on his feet, into a cradle for two. He misses a superkick and Christian bails, as Shelton foolishly follows. They brawl outside and Tomko trips Shelton up a bit, and then goads him into trying a dive off the apron, which results in Shelton going splat. Back in, Christian chokes away. Shelton comes back with a cross body for two, but Christian gives him a neckbreaker in return and gets two. Christian hits the chinlock and tosses him, allowing Tomko to do his thing on the floor. Back in, Christian gets two. They slug it out in the corner and Christian gets an inverted tornado DDT for two. More choking follows and Shelton fights back, whipping Christian into the corner for the Bret Hart Bump. Shelton makes the comeback with clotheslines and a flying forearm, into a Russian legsweep for two. Rolling cradle gets two. Christian tries another DDT, but Shelton reverses into a slingshot inverted suplex for two. AWESOME. Blinger splash misses and Christian spikes him with a DDT for two. The belt gets sent into the ring and Christian charges, but gets the belt in the face as a result. Shelton hits him with a flying clothesline for two. Tomko comes in behind the ref's back with a fast boot and Christian gets two. Impressive speed there. That was right out of the early Bubba Rogers playbook. Shelton knocks Tomko off the apron with the dragon whip and blocks the Unprettier with the Exploder at 13:22 to retain. Good stuff. ***1/4
- Big Show, Eddie Guerrero, John Cena & RVD v. Kurt Angle, Mark Jindrak, Luther Reigns & Carlito Caribbean Cool.
Cena brawls to the back with CCC and his bitch-boy right away, as I once again wonder at the mentality that EVERY heel on the roster must seemingly be surrounded by valets and bodyguards who add nothing to the product except someone else to stand on the apron and distract the ref. Is Carlito really such a hot act that he needs to be giving the rub to young bodyguards or something? (2011 Scott sez: There were a lot of dead ends around this time, weren’t there? Carlito went nowhere, as did Jesus) So Cena chases Carlito out of the arena, basically making it 4-on-3, and everyone brawls outside as we start officially. Show pounds on Jindrak and chokes him down to start, then brings in RVD. Leg lariat puts Jindrak down and Eddie springboards in, setting up Rolling Thunder for two. Eddie works him over in the corner and gets a belly-to-belly suplex for two. Flying headscissors for both Jindrak and Reigns, but Angle clobbers him from behind. Reigns comes in with a pair of backbreakers into a sideslam, for two. Jindrak gets a back elbow for two. He goes to a full-nelson and Eddie powers him into the corner to escape, but Angle cuts off a tag. Overhead suplex out of the corner and Reigns comes in and stomps Eddie some more. Butterfly suplex and Jindrak comes in with a chinlock. Eddie breaks with a jawbreaker and a flapjack, but Angle again cuts off the tag. Eddie gets pounded back into the heel corner and Jindrak stomps away into a bodyslam for two. A couple of elbows get two. This heat segment is going on FOREVER, especially in a match with 8 guys and elimination rules. Eddie finally comes back with a rana and makes the hot tag to RVD. He works Angle over in the corner and monkey-flips him out, then goes up and frog splashes a crawling Jindrak. Angle rolls him up for the pin at 8:44, however. Eddie then rolls up Jindrak at 9:14, despite Jindrak being the illegal man. Show comes in and gets Reigns, who attempts a slugfest with Show and loses. Reigns goes for the bad ankle, however, only to get chokeslammed and pinned at 10:29. That leaves Angle alone, and he quickly gets the anklelock on Show. Show quickly counters out, and Angle walks, but eliminated RVD chases him back to the ring, where Cena F-U's him into a frog splash from Eddie and Big Show gets the pin at 12:24. Big long dull heat segment on Guerrero leading into a quick finish does not make a good elimination match. **
- Heidenreich v. Undertaker.
If you're gonna have a crazy heel named "Heidenreich" and give him a faux-Rammstein entrance music, why not just announce him from Germany instead of New Orleans? Minute-long staredown to start and Undertaker slugs him into the corner. Taker boots him down and drops a few elbows, which gets two. He starts working the arm, but Heidenreich stops him with a low blow and then posts him. They fight outside and Heidenreich wins that battle, but they ram each other into the stairs. UT takes over, pounding the throat on the apron and dropping the leg. Back in, Taker goes old school and gets a single arm DDT for two. Taker misses a blind charge, however, and Heidenreich goes on offense, which sucks because Undertaker has an easier name to type. He pounds away outside and gets two. Big boot gets two. He goes to a chinlock, and then clotheslines UT down for two. Another try at a slugfest, but UT wins that, so Heidenreich clotheslines him again and drops an elbow, but misses one off the ropes. They fight over a suplex and Taker gets it. More punching, but Heidenreich tosses him. Taker comes back with a necksnap on the apron and goes up with a flying clothesline for two. Corner clothesline sets up Snake Eyes and a big boot, and the legdrop gets two, brother. Chokeslam is blocked with a knee, however, and Heidenreich gets a sloppy Bossman slam for two. He pounds away in the corner, but of course gets powerbombed for two. And now Heidenreich tries a sleeper, but Taker suplexes out of it as I start to fear the match will never end. Zombie situp and flying clothesline set up the chokeslam, but he doesn't want the pin yet. I DO. Please pin him and end the boredom. Tombstone finishes at 15:53. Thank god. Nothing technically wrong with it, but it was just slow and boring as all hell. *
- WWE Women's title: Trish v. Lita.
Lita attacks to start and they slug it out, which Lita wins. Lita takes her down for more punches and Trish bails, and they brawl outside. Lita uses a chair for the DQ at 1:19. Video package was longer than the match. DUD
- Smackdown World title: JBL v. Booker T.
Apparently tonight is the opportunity to realize his lifelong dream. Despite him already winning 5 World titles. They slug it out to start, won by Booker, but JBL uses the CLUBBING FOREARMS in the corner and grabs a headlock. Booker clubs him back down off a hiptoss attempt and sidekicks him, and Bradshaw bails. Back in, JBL stomps away into a neckbreaker for two. Booker comes back with a clothesline to the floor, and they brawl. Booker gets the worst of that as JBL preps the table, but Booker fights back and they head back in. But not before Orlando Jordan gets a cheapshot. JBL gets two off that. Million Dollar dream from Bradshaw, as I guess he's trying to rip off EVERY facet of Ted Dibiase's career, but Booker fights out pretty quickly. Back down with a big boot and some elbows, which gets two. We hit the chinlock and Bradshaw elbows him down again and goes up, but Booker catches him with a superplex. This is apparently the most astonishing thing Michael Cole has ever seen. That gets two. Booker heads out and beats on OJ, then catches JBL with a Bookend. Back in, he gets two, and a sideslam allows him to go up, but Jordan keeps distracting him and Harlem Hangover misses. Tazz has never seen the move before, so perhaps it's just as well. They slug it out and Bradshaw tries another sleeper, but Booker suplexes out of it. Bicycle kick gets two for him. He tries the axe kick, but it's MORE interference from Jordan, which allows Bradshaw to DDT him. The ref is bumped, which was the last thing this needed, and that allows Jordan to interfere freely and grab a chair. Josh Matthews stops him, but gets laid out by JBL. Booker comes back with the sidekick and gets two from another referee. Bookend for Jordan and JBL hits him with the belt for the pin at 14:44. Just ridiculously overbooked for such a wholly unremarkable match. ** (2011 Scott sez: Oh man, that JBL title run…good times.)
- Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Maven & Randy Orton v. Gene Snitsky, HHH, Batista & Edge.
Maven is currently absent due to an attack earlier in the evening. Benoit starts with Edge and chops him out of the ring, so Snitsky comes in. Orton wants him, however, perhaps because he really likes babies or something. Orton clubs him down and Jericho adds some shots, but gets clotheslined down. HHH comes in and walks into an elbow, then stomps away in the corner. High knee puts Orton down and Batista works him over in the corner with shoulders and chokes him down. Bulldog powerslam gets two. Edge comes in and slugs it out with Orton, then drops an elbow for two. Standing dropkick and he goads Jericho into trying to come in, but walks into a clothesline from Orton. That brings Benoit in, and he goes after HHH with an elbow and baseball slides Snitsky, then starts throwing suplexes. Rolling germans for HHH and he suplexes Edge onto him, then goes up and headbutts both at once. That gets two on HHH. It's BONZO GONZO as Jericho brawls out with Snitsky and Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on HHH, but Snitsky recovers and breaks it up. Benoit puts Edge in the crossface, because he's there I guess, but Batista breaks that up. Pedigree allows Edge to get the pin at 7:23, however, leaving it 4-on-2 for the heels. Edge gets a neckbreaker on Jericho, but Snitsky argues with HHH over who's legal, leading to a fight on the heel side. Jericho gets the Walls on HHH out of all that, and then the bulldog. Flair stops the Lionsault and gets tossed as a result. Jericho and Orton double-team Batista in the corner while the ref argues with Flair, but he clotheslines both of them anyway. MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER for Jericho sets up the LARIAT OF DEATH, but Orton trips him up and the running enzuigiri finishes Batista at 10:39. Now it's HHH and Jericho, as Jericho sends Edge crashing into Snitsky, but Batista gets his revenge with the lariat he originally wanted. That's what you call a receipt, kids. Snitsky kicks the crap out of Jericho and backdrops him out of the corner for some choking. Edge comes in and pounds away, as apparently long-haired Canadian solidarity means NOTHING now. Snitsky drops an elbow to cut off a tag and tosses Orton for good measure, but Jericho DDTs him. He needs someone to tag, so Maven staggers out and tags himself in. 10 points for guts, minus several million for brains. He forearms Snitsky down and holds off the heels for a bit, bulldogging HHH off the middle rope. BLACK MAN ON PCP! Snitsky, busted open hardway from the eye, cracks him with a chair to stop the path of rage at 16:02, thus drawing himself a DQ. He makes sure to kill all the faces before he goes, however. HHH casually pins Maven at 16:48 to get rid of him all proper-like. HHH throws Jericho back in, and Edge gets two. Edge misses a blind charge, but Jericho walks into a Pedigree, only to reverse. Edge finishes him with a spear at 18:05 anyway, so he might as well have taken the Pedigree. So it's Orton v. HHH & Edge, and Orton is pretty much done. It's over. Finished. He couldn't POSSIBLY triumph against such odds. The heels double-team him in the corner and Edge does the honors, with a backdrop suplex for two. HHH slugs him down and gets a DDT for two. Orton fights out of the corner and powerslams Edge, then dropkicks him into HHH for two. HHH gets revenge by spinebusting him, however, and he sets Orton up for the spear. Edge misses, however, and it's RKO at 22:58 to leave it Orton v. HHH. Orton tries one on HHH, but a low blow prevents it. HHH goes for the Pedigree, and it's RKO #2 at 24:31 to finish. JR's little speech about Orton having enough of Evolution and quitting doesn't really ring true, especially since HHH FIRED him and kicked him out. Regardless, this was a fun little elimination match, if not up the level of previous years, as Orton's insanely predictable push to Wrestlemania continues. ***1/4 (2011 Scott sez: Aha, guess Orton’s Wrestlemania moment wasn’t as predictable as we thought!)
The Inside Pulse:
Nothing bad, nothing great or remarkable, which is pretty much the hallmark of a thumbs in the middle show. So that's what it gets, as they continue to be stuck in a rut and somehow banking on Orton to save them. (2011 Scott sez: Orton didn’t save them, but Batista did.)
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