The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact–06.21.12

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 06.21.12 (Open Fight Night)

Live from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz

Hulk Hogan is out to talk about change. He’s not going to give Sting’s masked attackers any more press, but the investigation has begun. Next up, Austin Aries owes him an answer, and he can either “go for greatness or go for broke.” I’m not sure which is supposed to be which. Aries joins us and recaps the storyline thus far, which is that he has to vacate the X title in exchange for a World title shot. However, Aries has another option: He hands over the belt in exchange for the shot, but going forward every other X champion will have the same opportunity at the Destination X PPV. Interesting idea, which kind of makes the X title like Money in the Bank now. Hogan is down with that, but Bobby Roode is aghast and interrupts to tell us so. They want to do this RIGHT NOW and the brawl is on, but the agents split them up. Mr. Anderson interrupts because he’s going to win the Bound for Glory Series. Hahahahahahahahaha…no.

Mr. Anderson v. Christopher Daniels

Daniels doesn’t even get a chance to finish his Appletini! What the hell? Anderson stomps him in the corner and goes up, but Daniels brings him down and works on the arm with a hammerlock, trying for the submission victory for more points. They slug it out and Anderson catches him with a Regal roll, but Daniels counters the Mic Check into a Blue Thunder bomb for two. Anderson rolls him up for two and comes back with a neckbreaker, and the Mic Check finishes at 3:03. So that’s 7 points for him. Short and inoffensive. *1/2

Meanwhile, Dixie and AJ are still torn up about keeping secrets.

Meanwhile, Brooke Hogan presides over the four ladies who want a title shot tonight. She eliminates Madison Rayne first because she’s too focused on her secret crush. Who can possibly take Brooke seriously in this role?

Robbie E v. Kurt Angle

I’m sensing this is a bad idea for Robbie to call him out. Angle, as expected, immediately destroys him with suplexes, the Angle Slam, and the anklelock at 0:30. So that’s 10 points for Angle.

Meanwhile, we meet Taeler Hendrix, tonight’s Gut Check contestant. She’s a cancer survivor, so that pretty much guarantees her a contract.

Brutus Magnus v. AJ Styles

Brutus is offended by AJ’s selfish screwing around and so he calls him out. That’s probably not going to end well for him. AJ comes out slugging and goes up, but Magnus catches him coming off the top and hits a slam for two. AJ comes back with the dropkick, but misses the Pele Kick and Magnus gets two. He hits the chinlock and AJ fights out and gets a corner clothesline, then follows with a vicious enzuigiri. Daniels and Kazarian come out and distract AJ, however, and Magnus finishes with a Michinoku Driver at 2:20, earning 7 points. They were on different pages, as there was a couple of times where Magnus was out of position. *

Gut Check Challenge: Taeler Hendrix v. Tara

Tara pounds her down and gets a suplex, but Hendrix rolls her up for two. Tara chokes her out in the corner, but Taeler brings her down with a rana and makes the comeback with clotheslines. High kick misses and Tara finishes with the Widow’s Peak at 2:32. Thought they might have put over the rookie in this one, actually. Taeler can easily hang with any of the women in this promotion and should easily get the spot. **

Meanwhile, Bully Ray finds Joseph Park backstage and smells fear on him, but Park keeps mouthing off about his brother, which upsets Bully.

Samoa Joe v. James Storm

Joe beats him down in the corner and hits a jumping kick, but can’t hook the submission. Is it me or does Joe look like a giant version of Little Beaver with that Mohawk? Joe goes to the nerve hold and powerslams him for two, but Storm gets to the ropes to block another submission attempt. Joe goes to the arm again, but Storm makes the comeback with clotheslines. Joe stops the comeback with another jumping kick in the corner and tries for the choke, but Storm runs him into the turnbuckle and finishes with the superkick at 3:52 for 7 points. **

Meanwhile, Brooke eliminates ODB, who doesn’t particularly care.

Bully Ray v. The Pope

Bully wants “the easy 10 points” because Dinero has been away in Hollywood and thus is easy pickings. And indeed Bully clobbers him to start and gets a clothesline for two. He boots Pope down and whips him around the ring, but misses the big splash. Pope makes the comeback with a shoulderblock and throws Dusty Rhodes elbows before stopping to chat with ringside fans. Bully brings him down from the top and follows with a corner splash, but Abyss wanders down to ringside and chases Bully into a Pope STO for the pin at 3:40. Not a big fan of two of the same distraction finishes in the same show, but at least it’s building those storylines. *1/2

Meanwhile, Hulk explains to Jeff Hardy and RVD that no one wanted to call them out, so they must be the favorites.

Knockouts title: Miss Tessmacher v. Mickie James

They trade wristlocks to start and Mickie controls on the mat and works on the arm in a variety of ways, then cuts off a comeback with a flapjack. Mickie goes up but misses, and Tessmacher puts her down with clotheslines and facejams her for two. James fires back with a sidekick for two. Mickie goes for the finish, but Tessmacher rolls her up for the pin at 5:23 to retain. Seems like it went a little long, and Mickie’s slow burn heel turn continues. **

Jeff Hardy v. Rob Van Dam

Hardy quickly gets the mule kick in the corner for two and Rob bails, so Jeff baseball slides him and they fight on the apron. Rob comes back in with a missile dropkick and Rolling Thunder for two. Split legged moonsault gets two. Jeff comes back with a bulldog and a front suplex, but he misses the swanton. Rob goes up next and he misses the 450, allowing Hardy a DDT for two. Twist of Fate gets the pin at 3:46 for 7 points. Rob was taking some crazy bumps there off simple stuff. **1/2

AJ Styles and Dixie Carter come out to tell the BIG SECRET. Turns out that they’ve been harboring a drug addict together, not having an affair. And then we get to hear from that addict. Sadly, it’s not Sean Waltman, it’s some chick. Daniels & Kazarian freak out backstage and run in for the brawl, and we’re out.

The Pulse

Well the TNA great show streak kind of ended with a thud this week, as they were cramming WAY too much into this show and the big payoff wasn’t much of a payoff. Not a bad show, but nothing you would cry over missing.