October Countdown: WWF No Mercy 2001

The SmarK Rant for WWF No Mercy 2001

(But first a word from the movies:  ARGOFUCKYOURSELF.  If that movie doesn’t win Best Picture…well it wouldn’t actually surprise me.  But it would be a damn shame, because any movie where I know exactly how it ends but still has me in a state of heart failure leading up to the ending deserves all the awards that can be thrown at it.  I bow to the greatness of Ben Affleck’s directing.) 

- This was pretty much a one-match show going in for me, so anything on top of that is gravy.

- Live from St. Louis, MO

- Your hosts are JR & Paul E.

- Opening match, WCW tag titles: The Hardy Boyz v. The Hurricane & Lance Storm.

(Why did no one think of putting together “Hurricane” and “Storm” as a more permanent tag team?  It’s RIGHT THERE.)  Helms does some posing, but gets hiptossed. Hardyz hit a double-wheelbarrow suplex for two. The Legion of Justice comes back with the double-team neckbreaker on Matt for two. Jeff comes in and cleans house like a French maid, but Ivory trips him up. Hurricane teases a highspot but runs into a clothesline from Matt. Molly helps him recover and don the CAPE OF DOOM, and he comes off the top onto the Hardyz on the floor. Back in, Storm dropkicks Jeff for two. Double-team suplex gets two. Molly adds a cheapshot, but Jeff gets the corkscrew out of the corner, hot tag Matt. It’s BONZO GONZO. Poetry in Motion and Oklahoma Roll gets two for Matt. Yodelling legdrop gets two. The Legion of Justice comes back with a double-superkick that would have killed in the Rockers’ day, but only gets two. Jeff dumps Storm as Lita & Molly & Ivory have a big catfight, and Lita escapes to hit her shitty rana on Storm and take him out of the match. Twist of Fate and swanton finish Hurricane at 7:14. Decent enough opener, although Storm is still wasted in this role. **1/2  (He’d be wasted in much of his WWE tenure, sadly.   At least he’s happy doing the wrestling school thing now.  And Molly was pretty damn adorable in this phase of her career.) 

- Test v. Kane.

Kane overpowers him and slugs him down, then screws up a hotshot. He presses Test out of the ring, but Test pops him with the ringbell to come back. Back in, Test does some choking and gets a suplex for two. Elbow gets two. Sideslam gets two. Flying elbow misses and Kane comes back with a backdrop and his own sideslam for two. Test gets dumped again, but hits the big boot on the floor. Back in, it gets two. Kane gets a chokeslam for two. Slugfest, and Kane powerslams and goes up, but gets nailed coming down and pumphandled for two. Test goes up, Macho Man elbow gets two. Test grabs a chair, but gets it kicked in his face. Evil Referee Nick Patrick grabs the chair, and Test finishes with a low blow and the Rockette Kick at 10:09. Too long, but not as brutally bad as I was expecting coming in. *1/2

- Meanwhile, Steve Austin gives an interview from his dressing room via Debra. Funny stuff.

- Meanwhile, Stacy flashes Matt Hardy.

- First Ever Lingerie Match: Stacy Keibler v. Torrie Wilson.

Neither outfit is that scandalous or anything. Stacy does some cartwheels to counter shoving. She spanks Torrie with a cat-o-nine-tails and they roll around and over the ref. Nice to see them taking the basic midget match spots and applying them to a new generation. (Really, Divas matches are basically the new midget matches these days.)  Torrie’s sunset flip attempt turns into a sort-of pinfall reversal sequence with lots of gratuitous camera angles. Not that I’m complaining. Stacy does the Diesel choke in the corner, again with blatant camera angle, and uses a headscissor in the corner to choke Torrie out again. Torrie snapmares her out of the corner for two, and finishes with Tajiri’s handspring elbow at 3:07. I’ve seen worse. ½*  (And now they’re both banging celebrities and laughing at the notion of ever doing wrestling again.) 

- Intercontinental title ladder match: Christian v. Edge.

Brawl outside and Edge backdrops him back in. Edge works the leg, but Christian bails. He fetches the ladder but gets it dropkicked in his face. They brawl into the crowd and back to ringside, where Edge catapults him into the ladder. Christian drops him on it, however, and climbs onto it while it’s laying on the stairs, but Edge crotches him on it. Christian hits Edge in the jaw with the ladder and climbs. Edge knocks him over, but Christian spears him with the ladder in the corner. Christian gets knocked onto it and dropped crotch-first on it. Man, Christian’s nuts are taking the biggest beating of the night. Edge gets whipped into the ladder and Christian catapults him facefirst underneath the ladder. Ouch. Christian gets another ladder and both guys climb, but Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic off the ladder. Edge climbs, but now Christian DDTs him off the ladder. Well, I guess they’re even now. Edge escapes the one-man conchairto and fetches a third ladder. Edge puts a ladder onto two chairs and splashes Christian from the top. Didn’t look very good – his knees hit the mat first. Christian goes up, but gets speared off the ladder. Saw that spot coming. Both guys climb the same ladder, and both guys tumble off and out. Christian crawls back in and climbs, but Edge lowblows him with a chair in revenge for Unforgiven, puts his head on a chair on top of the ladder, and finishes with a one-man conchairto that allows him to grab the title at 22:17. Pretty much the worst of the 18 million ladder matches this year, but that’s more the fault of the oversaturation of the gimmick than any lack of effort on their part. The repeated ladder spots from earlier matches didn’t help much, either. They really need to get a new gimmick match over. ***1/2  (Really, Elimination Chamber was the only one they were successful with.  Sad that the glut of ladder matches for the year rendered this one so forgettable, especially when they were doing them on TV and such.  Plus E&C had that chemistry where people just didn’t want to see them fight, much like the Hardy Boyz.) 

- Meanwhile, Spike Dudley gets drunk and makes time with the chicks at WWF New York.

- WWF tag title match: The Dudley Boyz v. Tajiri & Big Show.

Bubba pounds Tajiri to start, but Tajiri gets a standing moonsault on D-Von for two. Show comes in and uses the power of his giant ass to subdue D-Von in the corner. Show slams everything and the champs bail. Tajiri hits them with a tope con hilo. Back in, Bubba gets an elbow and Tajiri is YOUR face-in-peril. Double flapjack and D-Von hits the chinlock. He comes off the middle and hits foot, as usual, but Tajiri can’t tag Show. Wazzup Drop, but Tajiri recovers quickly and makes the hot tag. As long as Show stands on the apron and makes the hot tag, he’ll stay over. D-Von clips Show to slow him down, but Tajiri puts the Tarantula on D-Von in turn. Bubba breaks, and Tajiri hits the handspring and blows mist…but hits the ref. HE’S BLIND…er. Show chokeslams Bubba, no ref. Rhyno comes in with the GOAR GOAR GOAR on Show, and Dudleyz finish Tajiri with 3D at 9:19. Good effort, and another decent tag title match. **1/2

- Meanwhile, Rhyno wants RESPECT for the Alliance. Too little too late, guys.

- Booker T v. The Underseller.

Brawl outside to start, and Taker hits the railing, but no-sells and tosses Booker in. Big boot gets two, but Booker comes back and shoulderblocks him in the corner. UT shrugs it off and works the arm with his dizzying array of UFC-like submission moves. Booker somehow survives the murderous onslaught of shoot-wrestling excellence, but takes the ROPEWALK OF DOOM for two. Booker bails, probably convinced that Undertaker had been kidnapped and replaced by Tito Ortiz. (Ironic that I’m so down on Undertaker’s MMA stuff here, when in fact that’s what gave him his in-ring resurgence.) Taker follows him out, but hits the stairs. They fight into the crowd and back into the ring, where Booker gets the missile dropkick for two. UT slugs away, but gets sidekicked for two. Sideslam gets two. Kneedrop and the crowd preps for the Spinarooni, but he doesn’t deliver. Taker tries a powerslam, but Booker escapes and gets a neckbreaker for two. Slugfest is won by Taker for two. Booker spinkick gets two. Undertaker DDT gets two. Legdrop gets two, brother. He charges and Booker hotshots him in the corner, and a spinkick puts UT on the floor. Booker recharges with the SPINAROONI and an axe-kick for two. Taker tries the chokeslam, but Booker blocks and goes low. He tries the Enemy Pummel in the corner for some reason, and Taker poochiebombs him out of there for the pin at 13:20. (NEVER PUNCH UNDERTAKER IN THE CORNER!  How many more powerbombs does the world need to see before we do something about it?)  Taker sold more than usual, but then he knew he was winning. Really slow match. *1/2

- WCW World title match: The Rock v. Chris Jericho.

(Remember when they had TWO World titles at the same time?  That was a wacky time.)  Lockup battle to start, and Rock works the arm. Jericho armdrags him, and works the arm in turn. Jericho slugs him down and chokes him out. Jericho unloads the CANADIAN VIOLENCE, but Rock counters with the Rock Bottom, which Jericho counters in turn with the Walls. Awesome. Rock bails to the apron and gets dropkicked to the floor. Back in, Jericho gets a flying elbow for two. More CANADIAN VIOLENCE, but Rock tries his own and gets hit with a leg lariat for two. Pair of backbreakers get two, but Rock reverses the pinfall for two. Nice touch. Jericho forearms him down, but gets hit with a Rock forearm in turn. He comes back quickly with a hotshot and the crowd starts chanting “Rocky Sucks” like old times. Jericho goes up, but gets crotched. Superplex and double-KO, and the crowd actually counts along with the 10-count. But then it’s St. Louis, so they’re already trained. Rock slugs away and gets a samoan drop for two. Kip-up and Rock lays the smackdown, drawing a very noticeable heel reaction. Jericho comes back and walks into a lariat for two. Suplex gets two. Rock dumps Jericho, and he gets two back in the ring. He goes to a heelish chinlock to put sympathy heat on Jericho, and indeed Jericho escapes, but misses a dropkick. Rock catapults him and lariats him. They head up, and Jericho gets a missile dropkick. Double KO again, Rock is staggered. Slugfest is won by Jericho, and he overpowers Rock and gets a neckbreaker and rana for two. Someone call HHH, he’s wrestling like a cruiserweight again. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom! Lionsault gets two. Bulldog sets up the Canadian Elbow, which misses. Rock gets an ugly dragon-screw into the Sharpshooter, and the crowd freaks until Jericho makes the ropes. Jericho bails and Rock preps the Spanish table and Rock Bottoms Jericho through it. Rock breaks the count like a heel and smacks Jericho around, and after Jericho crawls back in, Rock sets up for the Rock Bottom…and the crowd BOOS. Jericho blocks, but walks into a spinebuster. People’s Elbow is caught and REVERSED into the Walls of Jericho! This match is so awesome. I’m thinking it might be the finish, but Steph McJugs bounces out and distracts Jericho for the millionth time. Rock DDTs him and goes after Steph with a Rock Bottom that looked like he was fighting the combined forces of gravity and inertia trying to get the McMammaries in the air, but Jericho grabs the chair left by Stephanie, hits a forward legsweep onto it, and wins the WCW title at 23:47! Finally he wins the big one! Awesome match, a total MOTYC if not for the screwy finish. ****1/2 My faith in Jericho is restored and Rock shoots him a heelish glare, only to hand him the chair as if to say “You won this time, but you needed this chair to do it.” I smell rematch. I’m there, dudes.  (Yeah, that title reign didn’t last particularly long, as Rock won it back on TV soon after.  However, Jericho unified the belts in December and then won the rematch at Royal Rumble, so he ended up getting the best of things in this feud, I’d say.) 

- WWF World title: Steve Austin v. Kurt Angle v. Rob Van Dam.

(I will contend until my dying day that RVD should have won the title here.)  Angle suplexes everyone, but the Alliance beats him down. Austin & RVD square off after disposing of Angle, but he sneaks in and interrupts the Super Posedown. They all brawl with each other for a bit. Rob gets a leg lariat and dropkick for Austin, but Austin grabs the ropes to escape. Rob with Rolling Thunder onto Angle for two. Angle gets tossed and Austin spinebusters RVD for two. Austin works the leg and goes into a half-crab as the crowd chants “What?” at Austin. He should never use that line again if they want to keep him a heel. STF, but Angle breaks and dumps Austin. They fight into the crowd while RVD recovers, and then comes off the top with a plancha onto both Austin & Angle. He legdrops Austin off the table. Back in, Angle gets a capture suplex on Van Dam and a moonsault, but Austin covers Rob for two. Angle sleeper on Austin, but Austin comes back with a stunner attempt, blocked by Angle. Rob goes up while both guys are out, but both guys move and Angle suplexes him for two. Split-legged moonsault from RVD gets two on Austin. Angle Slam on RVD gets two. I see Heyman is booking tonight. Austin dumps Angle and they brawl out, and Austin preps the announce table. Angle reverses a piledriver, but Rob comes barrelling out with a suicide dive. Vince struts out as they lay out on the floor. Angle & RVD head in, and Angle beats the shit out of him, only to run into a leg lariat. Rob goes up, but gets superplexed. Austin hits KICK WHAM STUNNER on Angle, and he bails. Austin goes after Rob, but Vince sneaks in (well, as much as Vince can sneak anywhere) and blasts Austin with a chairshot that cuts open the back of his head. I see Vince is stealing traits from Van Dam besides the thumb-thing. Rob goes up, five-star frog splash, but Angle saves. Rolling germans and Angle Slam for Van Dam, but now Shane runs in to also help Van Dam, and Shane & Vince brawl over who gets to leech off of RVD’s heat first. In the ring, however, Austin goes KICK WHAM STUNNER on Mr. Potatohead and gets the pin to retain at 15:19. Solid three-way with the usual McMahonized overbooked ending. ***3/4

The Bottom Line:

Well, we knew Rock-Jericho was gonna steal the show, but the main event was much better than I was expecting and there wasn’t really any horrible matches to drag down the undercard. The undercard itself didn’t mean much in terms of storyline or heat, but it didn’t hurt the top of the card, either, and that’s about all you can ask for when the booking is struggling.

Thumbs up for some good effort and one potential Match of the Year candidate.  (Hell of a show, actually.  Hard to see much here to complain about, really.)