Greetings, boogalooshrimps.
Caliber, hope all is well. I was filling out some insurance paperwork for an ER patient I had a few weeks ago...she had gotten into a fight with her husband so decided her best method of retaliation was to take his denturs and hide them up her vagina. They punctured her internal vagina and gave her a bacterial infection, hence her visit to the ER.This got me thinking of a good QOTD...whats the craziest relationship/breakup/cheating etc. story you guys have? I love these types of stories. Ill divulge mine in the thread. ThanksMH - officerfarva
That is stunning. I mean, she truly thought that would be the best place to hide them? Sometimes when you hear about how stupid people can be, you wonder how things ever get done at all.
Well, as for my story, it goes a little something like this....
Well, as for my story, it goes a little something like this....
I was 16 at the time, and my friend introduced me to this girl online who his girlfriend was good friends with. So, we got to talking, and things were going good. So, I finally meet her, and she's alright looking, nothing special. Well, we date for 2 weeks, and I realize that all the stuff she was saying at the beginning of our courtship, the music & movies she said she dug [same as me] wasn't exactly true. She'd basically said that stuff to get me interested. So, on top of this, I realize she's a bit crazy. She had this dog that she loved, which I totally relate to. So, one day we're sitting in her basement and she pulls out this rock from her pocket. She tells me that her dead dog's spirit lives in this rock and protects her. She's stone cold serious. This, on top of her not being who I thought she was, sour me on the relationship and I end it.
But she isn't having it.
She begs me to stay with her, which only cements my decision to break-up. Well, over the next few weeks I notice her next door at my friend's house. I pay it no attention.
Well, a month or so later, a friend of mine I only knew from online says she started talking to this girl who's an up-and-coming pornstar, and is pretty cool. So, I start talking to her for a few days, and she's telling me all about her life, in big time detail, with all these sorted adventures, we talk about my break-up, and we even do a few chats with all of her friends. Well, for some reason I just get this feeling that something isn't right. I all of a sudden get this suspision that it's my ex. I get a hold of a mutual friend, and he admits that he knows she's been posing as this pornstar girl. I then find out she also became friends with my next door neighbor, so she could watch me walk to school, and arrive home! She devised this whole pornstar thing as a way to get back into my life! Apparently she thought I was dating a new girl, and said she'd kick the shit out of anyone who was dating her 'boyfriend'.
I told her off, and said I never wanted to see her again. Well, a few months later, in December, I'm walking outside to my car, at nighttime, when she comes out of the shadows. Instantly I'm thinking I'm going to die while she yells "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, DAN!". Instead, she has a gift. It's a calendar devoted to PAWGs. She says she saw it, and thought of me. She's acting as if NOTHING has happened. It terrified me. So, I told her in no uncertain terms that if she EVER, EVER came by my house again, or ever spoke to me again, I'd beat the living shit out of her. She believed me, as I never saw her again. I tell you, there's few things scarier than having someone obsessed with you.
So, how say you?
So, how say you?
god fucking dammit, another topic to which i cant contribute
ReplyDeleteYeah, I got nothing that can match that. I don't have any crazy breakup stories. I just get tired of relationships and become inattentive to them until the girl breaks up with me. Only really got my heart ripped out once, and only truly ended a relationship one other time. No crazy shit.
ReplyDeleteMy current one is pretty good, though. Been going six months and not the least bit tired of it.
WOW man, thats fucking creepy. She wasnt really an up and coming porn star was she? How do you even become an up and coming pornstar at that age? Practice slurping jizz by eating cottage cheese? Stick veggies in different holes? Slut it out on camera?
ReplyDeleteNon-sense. I always dig reading your comments & reactions to other people's posts. You're a good guy to have around for conversation. Plus, you never know where threads go. Yesterday it turned into a discussion on which pop-stars we'd bang.
ReplyDeleteWell, the stories don't have to be crazy. The heart being ripped out story would probably prove a great read. Although not wanting to be public with something like that is completely understandable.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention she was older than me, she was 18. And no, she wasn't a pornstar at all, there's no way she could have been. She was pretty gnarly looking, but I was into her personality at first.
ReplyDeleteHer character was from Texas, and she was road tripping her way to California. She was a hooker before hand, but stopped when a John beat her up and cut his initials into her leg.
Lucky me.
Wow. So creepy. how did you not bust out laughing when she said she has a dog spirit in a rock.
ReplyDeleteI have some seriously messed up relationship start stories, but nothing seriously screwed up with endings. One of my friends has had some doozies, with girls throwing melting ice cream cones at his window, or creating a book of poetry (titled The Book of You) on construction paper, but I pretty much got nothing.
ReplyDeleteGiven that I plan on being with my current gf for the long haul, hopefully I don't end up with any crazy break-up stories, either.
Dude, you WANT to have stories like these?!
ReplyDeleteI think not.. Just keep waiting. You'll be better for it.
but the reason i dont have these stories is cause ive never had the relationship to lead to them. thats what upsets me :(
ReplyDeleteYou've literally never had a relationship? Or even come close?
ReplyDeleteOh, man. I was so freaked out. It didn't even strike me as funny until I told people about it later.
ReplyDeleteShe tried to get me to kiss the rock, no joke.
no
ReplyDeletei told you all, i'm a fucking loser.
My relationship was wall to wall insane. One night she broke a mirror over my face because I wore my shoes in the house. This was because she missed when she threw the wine glass. The mirror didn't do the damage she was hoping for so she stuck a shard of glass in my leg. Keep in mind she was openly cheating on me whenever she felt like it and would disappear for days to be with her ex at this point. So one night I decided I was going to go out because my friend was in town - this didn't please her because if I go out I might end up doing to her what she does to me. So she calmly grabbed a hammer and stood in the doorway threatening to smash the windows of my car unless I told my friend I couldn't go out....another night she was at work, so I stayed home and had some drinks by myself. A girl I worked with was texting me to go out and the last text said "you should come dance with me", which I ignored and went to sleep. Again, my girlfriend openly cheats on me and typically doesn't come home on a Saturday. She does, looks at my phone, sees that last text, and I awake to her punching me and screaming.....the next day she decided to have some drinks and when she came home wanted to re-visit the previous evenings discussion by punching me in the face a few times and throwing a glass at me. It was a mug this time. Left a pretty big bruise.
ReplyDeleteThe actual ending was pretty tame in comparison.
I am almost like Good Luck Chuck in that my two exes went on to get married and have babies with the guy they were with after me. First girlfriend cheated on me with this guy, second was my fiancee at the time and emotionally cheated on me through hours of phone calls with a co-worker of hers.
ReplyDeleteSucked at the time, but then I met my wife and found the person that was right for me.
I think it's time we start up the "Get The Asshole a Girlfriend" campaign. Who's with me?
ReplyDeleteI have two stories, although the first one is something I feel so bad about.
ReplyDelete1. Last year my gf went to a wedding with some dude she had been friends with since grade school. He was in some kind of long distance relationship and didn't have a date. The dude would come around and kick it occasionally and even though I didn't know him I didn't care that she went. No big deal. After she came back from the wedding (over night trip) I noticed (barely) that he didnt ever come around and I never even heard him mentioned. Then about a month later I went to my gfs apartment and there was some kind of bouquet with a love letter from that dude by her door. I tore open the letter and only half read it. I saw something about him loving her and read a phrase like with you in the hot tub and didn't clearly read the whole letter so not only was I like fuck you but I let her have it with both barrels dropping every little criticism (ex your moms a cunt) and stormed off. She swore on her life there was nothing but I assumed they were cheating at least since the wedding. I was wrong as it turned out he had made some play for her at the wedding, she made a few attempts to politely rebuff him, then more ackwardly rebuffed him. Apparently the hot tub thing was everyone at the party going swimming in the hotel pool. She had them severed all contact with me...because she was my gf lol. So even-though she could be lying about how much happened at the wedding I lost any upper ground abf just bought the story. (Its probably true since the guy isn't her type I wouldn't think) We are still together, I feel terrible about the way I acted, she got over it, and we are considering moving in together!
I could get behind that.
ReplyDeleteOoh, I like the sound of that. I'm on board.
ReplyDeleteNot ever having a relationship doesn't make you a loser. The dumbest, most pathetic people on Earth have had relationships. So a relationship, or one's amount of them doesn't make or break them.
ReplyDeleteAre you being serious? or is this from some film?
ReplyDeleteYou won't get a relationship with no confidence. Women feed off of it, a guy can be a huge asshole but if he's confident, chicks dig it.
ReplyDeleteOh man. Hurting someone you're in love with is like a fucking fate worse than death.
ReplyDeleteThat's why any girlfriend of mine isn't allowed to have any male friends. No good can, or will ever come from it.
That's spot on.
ReplyDeleteIt's something I didn't realize until my early 20's, once I did, I was no longer the Mayor of The Friendzone.
There's really nothing to read. I was 18, it was going well, and then semi-out of the blue (though if I was a bit older and wiser, I'd have seen some warning signs and got my shit together) she dumped me. Felt awful about it, cried her eyes out, but said she realized she wasn't in love with me. And really, at that age (I think she was not quite a year younger than me), who fucking knows what that even is?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it was the first time I was dumped and actually cared. The previous times, like I said, I just let my interest in a relationship lapse until the girl got the idea and actually ended it. This was the summer between high school graduation and starting college, so I got over it. I kept in contact with her a little bit throughout my freshman year- nothing weird or creepy; we'd stayed friends and we'd still talk on IM or e-mail- and had it in the back of my head that maybe we'd get back together even though I saw/hooked up with a couple of chicks my freshman year. Still had a thing for her, sort of, for the better part of the next year.
But it dissipated, and I eventually lost contact with her.
Oh yeah, I remembered there is a weird part here as I was typing this: she ended up marrying this weird, creepy dude we went to high school with. This guy also dated another ex-girlfriend of mine from high school, for like all of college. Me and THAT ex got back together in...I wanna say 2007, for a few months, and would regularly crack jokes about this.
It's interesting that the person telling these stories is always the victim and never acted crazy him/herself. Either crazy people don't like to relive their breakups or a lot of us are lying to ourselves about our role in *some* of our past relationships.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I spent high school intimidated by women, and even college to a degree. But then once I realized that they are just human beings with flaws and insecurities like me, things got way easier.
ReplyDeleteI went to University of Delaware and would sublet a house with some buddies every college summer at Dewey Beach. If you're not from that area, Dewey is a real small strip of beach, but filled with college kids and partiers during the summer. Its basically a 2-3 mile strip of bars, drugs, sex, and booze.
ReplyDeleteAt the time I was 21, was, at the height of my obnoxious alcohol drug abusing ways, and casually dating a girl who was taking summer classes back at campus. My buddy, who was living at the house and I bet 650 bucks (alot of money when youre 21) on who could bang the fattest chick during the summer. A few weeks in I see fucking whale, and tell her about the contest. She was drunk and horny apparently and said shed do the deed if I wanted. Next morning, I "show her off" to make sure I have witnesses for the bet.
A few weeks later, the girl I was dating at campus was visiting for the weekend. A bunch of us were just sitting around the house drinking beers getting ready to go out and the friend I made the bet with comes stumbling into the house WITH THE SAME FUCKING FAT CHICK. They sit down to bullshit for a few minutes and her drunk ass was so happy to see me snd starts openly talking about the bet in front of the chick I was dating.l, Katelynn.
Katelynn was furious, disguisted, and every other adverbe you could think of. After immediately breaking up with me, as a last fuck you, she goes and takes a small stash of booger suger I had, and a large amount of mushrooms I was gonna sell and gives them to randoms on the street.
To boot, I lost the bet in like the last 2weeks of summer.
To boot,
From VA, been to Dewey a couple times, awesome place.
ReplyDelete"Wayne if you're not careful you're going to lose me!" "I lost you 3 months ago. Are you mental?"
ReplyDeleteThe best I've got is this. I don't even want to post it but Caliber's my boy and I want to support him. Not even creepy or strange just funny looking back on it.
ReplyDeleteFirst time I had sex was vocal camp in-between my sophomore and Junior years of High School, (yes vocal camp. I was a theater guy.) It's wasn't hard. The girl to guy ratio was about 3-1 and not all the guys were straight. Basically a few girls that I had been friendly with came up to me and told me to pick which one I was going to hook up with. So I make my choice and by the next day we are screwing on the floor of one of the practice rooms, (It went about as well as you would expect it would go with with with two virgins getting screwing on the floor of a practice room afraid of getting caught.) The next day she comes up to me and tell's me she has her period. My reaction is something along the lines of "so..you get them every month right?" I was mistaken...it was her first one...ever, (I should take the time to point out that she was 15.) and she wants to go call her mommy. So anyway the combination of period and sex causes her to totally blow me off for the rest of camp until the second to last day when she asks to pretend that out "camp relationship" never happened. Which was fine with me...I had gotten my 68 seconds of glory afterall. Her friends....the ones I had turned down....were furious with her for treating me that way and felt totally sorry for me...I have to admit that was a win.
Looking back though...if we had gotten caught we would have been thrown out of camp, which I didn't want to happen because I figured my parents would have been pissed. But now I think that if we had gotten caught and sent home for having my sex parents, (ok my dad at least) just would have been proud :)
it doesnt even fucking matter anymore. no ones ever reciprocated interest whether i was too timid and tried to drop little hints or whether i outright was like 'hey i dig you'
ReplyDeleteim just fucking tired. ive learned that of 100 shots i take, 100% will fail. its just not meant for me, so in turn i do my best to block out the rest of the real world cause I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF GETTING HURT
When I was a junior in college I had a girlfriend that I had been with for over a year. First time I was ever really living with a girl (we had separate places but we just spent that much time together where we basically lived together). So she went back home for like 2 weeks during a summer break so I had some time for myself.
ReplyDeleteMy buddy was moving out of some place his parents owned and he needed a hand getting the final few things out. I agreed to help and drove over. On the way over I really had to shit. I had taken one before I left home but I guess it was some leftover. So I ran into my friends bathroom and he had just cleaned off the toilet and he must have dumped a bottle of bleach on it. But I just plopped down on it because I had to go that bad. Somehow when I got up I got burned by the bleach because I skin discoloration and redness on my thigh and a open wound above the base of my dick. As the day went by my dick really hurt but I knew why so I figured if it didn't get worse the next day I wouldn't go to the doctor. The next day the pain subsided but I still had the wound at the bottom ofmy dick
The next day I was just hanging out when another friend called me and said he had some girls over and he needed another guy. Well when I got there it wasjust him aand two girls and he obviously needed me to play wingman. So he introduced me to this girl, she had one of those bull nose rings and skull tattoos. Not my type at all but we end of getting wasted, and she's just being so bad and nasty it was driving me nuts. But I also remember her going on and on about her roommate stealing her methadone pills. So anyways we fuck, no condom because I'm wasted. The next day I get nervous because of her methadone story and the tattoos and my open sore on my dick. So a day or two later I start getting paranoid about aids. I go to my friend to pump him for as much info about this girl as I can and he tells me he is blowing them both off because he found out they are iv drug users. That-ssame day the girl texted me asking if I wanted to hang out...and if she could get 40 dollars!!!!! I immediately went to the most confidential clinic I could find via online research and got tested. Negative but of course I had to go back in 60 days twice.
Then my gf came back. I pretended to have the flu for the first two days she was back. Then I made up an excuse about cumming too soon so I could wear a condom but she knew something was up. I ended up going back to fucking her with out a condom after the 2nd test but before I was fully cleared. She always suspected something was shady but she never learned the truth, even after we broke up
Lol. That's a great story. How fat we talking here? Bertha Faye?
ReplyDeleteI think it is well intended, and I think we can be supportive, but this is something that will mean more for him when he confronts his problems in a healthy way and overcomes them.
ReplyDeletecant polish the turd that is me, brah
ReplyDeleteHahah. "Can I get 40 bucks."
ReplyDeleteI'm still good friends with two girls I went to school with, I couldn't imagine banging either one it would be like fucking my mom or a sister. So I just don't want to be a hypocrite
ReplyDeleteHow old are you?
ReplyDeleteHaha, banging the fattest chick, that's awesome. It's especially cool you told'em before hand and they were cool with it.
ReplyDeleteAs long as youre content with your life theres no need to stress about what you do/dont have.
ReplyDeleteDude she sounds like a fucking serial killer.
ReplyDeleteI had this one girl that I work with, that was dating a bunch of guys before me... and I acted like I hated her... but then one time I was at work and her boyfriend of the time who she had been fighting with was about to take a big opportunity away from me so she pushed a ladder over and stopped him.
ReplyDeleteShe and I started dating after that for several months, but I slowly started to have some success at work and she and I drifted apart then she tried to help me but ended up screwing things up for me so I broke up with her. She seemed to take it ok at first but then she had one of our co-workers (who may or may not be into her) beat the living hell out of me, he and I then had a series of contests that ended up 50/50 before everyone just forgot about the whole thing.
Man am I glad that is behind me!
A little smaller then Bertha id bet...the chick that won the contest for him was definitely bigger then Bertha tho.
ReplyDeleteHey man, I've been there. Up until my early 20's, I never dated a girl that I really wanted to date. I just went out with them for no real reason. Every girl that I really wanted, that I really had an interest in, completely shot me down. Left and right, man, left and right.
ReplyDeleteThere was one time when in a 48 hour time span I talked to a girl a combined total of something like 20 hours. That's a lot of talking, man. We got a long great, and had a TON in common. Well, she met a friend of mine, who was a gorgeous looking guy, for about 5 seconds, and that was it.
A few days later, I AIM her,
and she doesn't remember me. I tell her my name, and she doesn't fucking remember my name. I then tell her I'm Steve's friend [the guy she met for 5 seconds] and NOW she remembers me. She says she really felt like she had a connection with him, and asks if I'd see if he's interested. Thankfully, I knew she'd end up digging him and made a bet with my friend the day before. So, I did win $5.
Then there was the time I met the girl of my dreams, fell in love with her, and then lost both her and my best friend.
We've all been hurt, man. Bad. But you can't let it stop you. We've all been shot down, but you can't let it stop you. Weaker people have been through tougher things, man. It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get it, and keep moving forward. You just need to change your game up, and get some confidence. It won't happen over night, but it can happen, man. Trust me. I was Mr. ZERO confidence, and about as lame a duck with the ladies as you can get.
OK Asshole (I'm not calling you a asshole, just saying the only name I know you by), I'm gonna try and give you some advice here, I hope it sinks in a little. First, so much of what you are saying sounds like you're deep in depression. Not "oh I'm a little down" but real clinical depression. Don't be embarresed, I've been there too (and was on Zoloft for a few years). You need to get that shit checked out. That's no way to live, talk to a doctor about it and go from there. I dunno what the solution will be, therapy, meds, electro shock(j/k). But you do need to do something about it and start taking the steps to getting in a better place of mind. I also could be 100% wrong and you're not depressed, not a doctor here. Just some advice.
ReplyDeleteBlocking out the rest of the world IS NOT the answer man. We've all been hurt here yet we keep going forward. The world isn't THAT bad, you can find your niche of it if you get out there and keep looking. And here's some harsh truth about your "hurt" comment. When you get out there and really start dating, the hurt of getting a quicky rejection is going to be minuscule in comparison. Having a relationship with someone and then watching as it all falls apart fucking sucks! And it hurts whether you're the dumper or dumpie. But having that relationship, having fun and even expierncing those breakups, I wouldn't change those expiernces. In this thread you'll probably hear a few crazy stories but I doubt anybody here will say "I would have rather stayed home and play halo than have been in that relationship".
You need life expieience and to get out there because you don't seem happy with this aspect of your life. Go out there and get some crazy stories of your own. And if you strike out with a 100 girls, move onto 101. But do get that depression shit sorted out, I think once you do your mindset will open up a bit.
Haha, I won't lie, that makes you a bit of an asshole, but it's funny.
ReplyDeleteThe whole AIDS scare must have been terrible. That's one of the reasons I only have sex with someone I know & trust, because STDs and such terrify me.
Yeah the not knowing was tough, plus not only was I worried about my gf breaking up with me but I was also worried about going to jail if I somehow infected her. Yeah the summer of 2003 was a very nervous time for me
ReplyDeleteYep, that is exactly the way a person should think. I used to be nervous about going up and talking to a women, like really nervous. But once I figured out they were just people like me and the worst that could happen was they say "no" or he'll even if they are bitchy about it, it's not the end of the world. I still get the butterflies in my stomach but it's not nerve racking or anything. It's a great mindset to be in. As said above confidence is a great thing to have. Don't be an asshole to her but just have that air of confidence.
ReplyDeleteYea man. Perfect place for twenty somethings. Just a beach strip of debauchery.
ReplyDeleteSome of you have heard this story before in a thread long ago, but the craziest breakup would be with my ex-wife. She had severe issues with depression and drug addiction. Being a moody, broody type guy, I sympathized with the issues despite never taking any illegal drugs. When things got really bad I checked her into a rehab place (for a second time)...a few weeks after leaving and returning to her old ways and then cutting herself in "cry for help" suicide attempt...we checked her into the hospital and they placed her in what was essentially a psyche ward/detox station for a good ten days.
ReplyDeleteShe made some friends there and would call them a couple times the first weeks she got home. She eventually stayed with her mom for a weekend (which was welcomed because I was exhausted with the full-time job and nightly visits to her at the different facilities). I go to pick her up at the end of the weekend, but she's not there. She ran off with some guy she previously met at the hospital because he had access to a lot of pills. No one knew where this guy lived, and the future ex-wife would only call her mom for brief periods just to say she was alive.
Months later and still separated, she would call me so that I could console her whenever this dude hit her. This happened a few times while she refused to sign divorce papers while STILL living with the other guy. Long story less long, the divorce was finalized--but not before she offered to come to court to "be there for" me as if that would've made things less complicated.
At the very least, I have a funny story about how I married a crazy person who left me for someone she met in the psyche ward. But it was very painful to live through. And now, I'm in a happy, committed relationship now with someone sane and upbeat.
Dead seriously, sadly.
ReplyDeleteA gun rack. A gun rack. I don't even own 'a' gun let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.
ReplyDeleteI'm also out, mainly because none of my attempts were all that interesting. But then again, I'm happy where I am now, even if I do bitch a bit sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIf I find the right someone, great. If not, oh well. I have enough interests to not allow that to be a dominating factor in life.
i'm sorry but one of the things that is a dealbreaker for 99.9% of the women out there applies to me and is something i just cannot overcome
ReplyDeletei'm not hornswaggle, but ive had random strangers make the comparison
too old to be in this position
ReplyDeleteDon't know if this counts but I accidentally typed the youjizz url into my computer when I meant to go to YouTube and show my girlfriend's mum something. I was just so used to autopiloting to youjizz that I typed it in there and was mortified to realise my mistake. I just said "whoops, don't know what happened there" and quickly moved onto YouTube
ReplyDeleteI don't really have one of my own, outside of the time my ex decided she was a vampire and I quickly got the fuck out of there in the middle of the night; my friend, on the other hand, once had a girl try to BLOW UP his car, like it was the end of Casino.
ReplyDeleteDude, check out 'The Game' by Neil Strauss (it's v likely you've heard of it already). I know it gets a lot of hate but it gave me a good few ideas when i read it years ago
ReplyDeleteFuck...I missed THAT?
ReplyDeleteIs it too late to cast a vote for Natalie Imbruglia?
One of the hottest girls at my high school had a vampire obsession and actually slept inside of some coffin/ bed hybrid. It was a very odd thing that made her seem a lot less hot than she was.
ReplyDeleteThat's hysterical. What a terrible fuck up
ReplyDeleteThere's gotta be some chicks who are into that, though. There's someone into everything.
ReplyDeletewee, i'm a fetish
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed that's what you took from that story. Wow.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit. Can you elaborate on the car bomb situation? I mean, how does a civilian even do that? I seriously doubt that's something you can youtube...
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, man. She was legit trying to kill you. Why didn't you have her arrested, and why did you stay with her? Then again, crazy in the head, crazy in bed, and with that degree of crazy, I can only imagine...
ReplyDeleteHey, Chris, a couple days ago I asked if you were into action figures, and you thought I was being facetious. I wasn't. I'm a big collector too, I really dig the Mezco & NECA style of figures.
ReplyDeleteWhat type do you collect?
So you're short? Or you're a legit LP?
ReplyDeleteOh man, that's the wayback.
ReplyDeleteCan I ask what the "deal breaker" is? I understand if you don't want to say but remember people seem pretty cool around here when it comes to personal stuff so don't think you're going to be made fun of. Since you mentioned Hornswoggle is it that you're short? Anything that you are viewing as this dreaded deal breaker probably isn't nearly as bad as you think it is. We all seem to take our worst feature and extrapolate it more than others do. I am by no means a looker, I have some extra weight on me (although not nearly as much as I used to have) and I'm not Johnny Depp good looking. But I still get out there and try. I was in a wheelchair for a while and I swore that would be a deal breaker. But my friends, quite literally, pushed me out there and it turns out it wasn't that bad.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm going to say next may sound a little harsh and I'm sorry but I don't mean it in any disrespectful way. It sounds like you are making up excuse after excuse to yourself to not go out there and live your life. Stop making these excuses. I get it, it's scary going out there and trying to meet people. But you don't seem happy, you really should go out there and find your happiness in this fucked up world. If you don't, you're only doing a disservice to yourself. Life's just too fucking short.
no pun intended?
ReplyDeleteYeah, this one declared herself a vampire, filed her teeth into fangs, and was in the middle of sucking blood out of my neck when I woke up and got the hell out.
ReplyDeleteHer brother was IRA; at least, that's what she told me. What the cops pulled from underneath his car sure looked like a bomb, even it was a dud.
ReplyDeleteOh, shit I didn't even realize that. Asshole, sorry, that wasn't meant as a joke.
ReplyDeleteIf everything I've ever read online is correct then the mom said, "No...go back"
ReplyDeleteThats awesome. Seeing "youjizz" in print is hysterical. How great are fucking porn tubes/hubs by the way? Pornhub, xhamster, youjizz, redtube...
ReplyDeletei'm at best 2 inches too tall for that (the definition being 4'10)
ReplyDeletei just go with a round 5 ft to make life easy, although the truth is probably 1-half to 3-quarters of an inch shorter.
so i'm technically too tall to be classified as such, but perceptually people dont care. like i said, ive had random people in the street both whisper or outright say something as ive walked by
the tried and true out that short females have of 'as long as he's taller than me, but i'm short for a girl anyway, so its never a problem!!!!' *is* a problem for me
i didnt take it as one till caliber mentioned the pun
ReplyDeleteWAY TO GO, CALIBER MANG~ :P
apparently a dumb pathetic loser took issue with your comment
ReplyDeleteyeah
ReplyDelete'i wanna see if i can find the duet she and i did'
That's a funny story.
ReplyDeleteI have no good, or even mediocre story in theis vein.
ReplyDeleteEvery "relationship" that I ever had before my wife was essentially meaningless, with, at most, very little emotional attachment. I was just having kicks and so were the girls, really.
My wife is half Spanish though, and they're a colourful breed of woman, so if things ever DO turn south then I'm sure that I'll have a good one.
Still,it's not like thats SUPER midget short. Just get some confidence. Some of the most messed up dudes have gfs, who cares if you're short. Put on a mask and give some chick a hurricanrana on the dance floor, maybe she'll think you're Rey Mysterio Jr.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I really think you're giving up too easy.
I honestly really don't collect figures any more. I was into TF, comic book superheroes,Joe, Star Wars, and WWE figs for a long time,but too many real world responsibilities made me put that kind of stuff on the back burner.
ReplyDeleteAn upbeat, positive, confident guy like you has never gotten a girl?
ReplyDeleteGet outta here...
what kind of relationship is it when one has to approve or disapprove the other ones friends.
ReplyDeleteif my girlfriend had told me to break off the contact to all my female friends (some of which I know for over 15 years. and most of them are also in longterm relationships or even married by now) I would have told her to get lost.
"bit of an asshole" is an understatement.
ReplyDeletejust put yourself in the same situation with reversed roles. how would you have liked to be infected with hiv just because your girlfriend cheated with some junkie and didn't bother to use protection?
I'm a huge Punisher fan, and have a ton of things. His figures from the original Toy Biz line, which were all kick ass, and his figure from what I believe is known as Marvel Select. Plus all his Marvel Legends figures, which were fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI collect Star Wars too. I also go super-nerd and build dioramas from the film for them.
Man, real world responsibilities are terrible. That's why I became a musician/writer.
Hey, it's what I do.
ReplyDeleteDude, so you're short, big deal. Honest to God, some of the smoothest guys I've ever met were really short. Not to mention how many bodybuilders are under 5'4. Then you have all the legit LP's who have girlfriends.
I know how it goes. The longer life moves on, and you haven't done the deed, or more rejection piles up, you feel even less confident. It just keeps whittling away. But you can't let it beat you, man, you just can't.
I'm telling you right now, there is no better confidence booster than working out. Not because of how it makes you look, but because you just feel good doing it. You never, EVER regret a workout. You set goals, and you hit'em, and you feel so fucking good for doing so.
So a girl doesn't want to date you cause you're short. Who the hell wants to be with someone who lets something like HEIGHT, fucking HEIGHT, bother them. Good riddance.
I know it sounds harsh, but it's for the best.
ReplyDeleteThere are exceptions to every rule, but 99% of the time, a guy is only friends with a girl because he wants to date them/bang them. Sure, as I said, there are exceptions, but almost everytime, that's the case.
That's great you have female friends that you've known forever, but the chance of sex or feelings developing is still there. Why risk it?
You mean to tell me you'd have no problem with your girlfriend/wife going and hanging out alone with a male friend? No problem, at all? No problem if they went to a movie & dinner together? Or your girlfriend would be cool with you hanging out alone, going to a movie & having dinner with your friends who are girls?
Dude, you forgot the number one, xvideos....absolutely fantastic.
ReplyDeleteKids these days. They have porn tubes! You know what I had when I was a kid? Playboy! Then when I first got internet, I had pictures, and 5 second video clips that took an hour to download!
Early porn's loading time was hilarious, due to not getting thr whole picture at once: face is okay, tits are pretty good, PENIS! Turn it off, turn it off!
ReplyDelete"You mean to tell me you'd have no problem with your girlfriend/wife
ReplyDeletegoing and hanging out alone with a male friend? No problem, at all?"
Nope. no problem at all. I trust my girlfriend and she trusts me.
and besides, if she really wanted to cheat on me, she could easily tell me she was going out with a female friend anyway.