The SmarK Rant for NXT–08.22.13

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 08.22.13

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Tom Phillips & Alex Riley

Divas title: AJ Lee v. Bayley

Bayley as the starstruck wrestling nerd is a pretty funny gimmick. AJ lays her out with a neckbreaker for two and works the neck, but Bayley avoids a charge and HUGS IT OUT. Amazingly, that gets two. Corner clothesline and a slam get two, as does a kneedrop. She goes up with a back elbow for two as the crowd actually starts dueling chants for them. AJ claims a nose injury, and Bayly goes to console her and gets laid out and finished with a Shining Wizard at 4:36. Totally acceptable Divas match. **

Meanwhile, CJ Parker photobombs Tyler Breeze. CJ Parker? Who picks these stupid names?

Michael Zaki & Ron Hicks v. The Ascension

Nice to see they’re not giving up on the Ascension gimmick, because there’s always money in big scary tag team monsters. They really need better gimmick names, though. “Conor O’Brien” just doesn’t say killer to me, especially with his look. They should be “Warlock” and, I dunno, something biblical like “Uriel”. Zaki gets destroyed and finished by Rick Victor with a double team powerbomb and TOTAL ELIMINATION at 1:34. Total squash. ½*

Baron Corbin v. CJ Parker

Parker’s apparent new gimmick is burned-out stoner, complete with faux-Hendrix music. Corbin avoids all the groovy moves and pounds Parker in the corner, but charges and hits boot. Parker hits him with knees in the corner and finishes with a facefirst DDT at 1:40. Breeze comes out to protest the photobombing, basically doing a tribute to Derek Zoolander. Can we assume his finisher is called “Blue Steel”? Actually, Parker + Breeze basically equals John Morrison. Just indy level silliness here. ½*

Alexander Rusev v. Dolph Ziggler

Rusev is Bulgarian and has a board with Ziggler’s name on it, so you know he means business. I guess. Dolph with a rollup for two, but Rusev pounds on him and yells a lot. Apparently Bulgaria is still behind the times in terms of evolutionary development. Rusev throws knees and dumps Ziggler, then back in for a charge that gets two. Dolph escapes a chinlock and makes the comeback with a corner splash and dropkick for two. Ziggler hits the fameasser for two, but the Zig Zag is blocked and Rusev gets a leg lariat for two. Rusev goes up with a flying splash that misses, and the Zig Zag finishes at 6:14. Kind of a weird style clash, but Ziggler played a traditional babyface pretty well here, taking the beating and then coming back. *1/2

2/3 Falls: Sami Zayn v. Antonio Cesaro

Zayn gets a quick rollup for the first fall at 0:20 after a brawl, and they quickly fight to the floor again. Back in, Zayn with a leg lariat for two and he pounds away in the corner, then follows with a high cross for two. Cesaro plants him on the top rope for two and pounds away on the mat to take over. Cesaro tries for a chinlock and Zayn fights out, so Cesaro gives him a vicious powerbomb for two. Clothesline gets two. Double stomp gets two. Zayn fights up, but Cesaro puts him down with a throw and adds a double stomp. Zayn reverses a gutwrench into a sunset flip for two and follows with a rana for two. Cesaro uses a fallaway slam into a bridge for two, and we take a break. What’s with commercials on a show I have to pay $8 a month to watch, by the way? I understand the Hulu ones to a certain degree, but then WWE inserts their OWN after the Hulu ones. Back with Zayn rolling him up for two again, and a dropkick fires up the comeback. He charges into the swinging choke, however, and Zayn taps at 9:54 to even it up. Cesaro charges him with a corner splash for two and they slug it out on the apron, setting up an AWESOME superplex from Cesaro, as he powers him off the apron from the second rope. That dude is SCARY strong. Cesaro gives him the badmouth and blocks a small package, but Zayn gets a pair of rollups for two. Big boot in the corner gets two. Cesaro pounds him with forearms and tries another powerbomb, but Zayn reverses into a sunset bomb for two. Cesaro wisely bails to regroup, so Zayn charges and hits a tornado DDT from through the ropes and onto the ramp. What a spot! Cesaro dives in to beat the count, and Zayn gets two. He tries another tornado DDT, but Cesaro stops him by spitting in the face of physics with SHEER POWER, overhead tosses him into the Swiss Death forearm, and finishes with the NEUTRALIZER at 16:00. WHAT A FINISH! **** Why don’t they let Cesaro do that crazy shit on RAW every week? Zayn is money when they call him up. Market him to kids and let him fly around the ring and they’ve got something big.

The Pulse:

It was a one match show but what a match! Even just check out the finish if you can, because Cesaro was something else here.