The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT–08.28.13

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 08.28.13

Apparently these go up on Hulu on Wednesday night. Sweet.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Tony Dawson and William Regal

The Ascension decide to make a statement by beating up half of the NXT tag champs, who I later learn is Corey Graves, in the cold open, although the selling sounds a bit too much like a porn for comfort. Graves is Vader’s kid, right?

CJ Parker v. Tyler Breeze

Hey, the blowoff from last week! Parker doing this “John Morrison meets Jimmy Valient” deal is NO BUYS for me. But I guess developmental is there to work these sorts of things out before they get to the big show. Big comedy stall to start and Breeze attacks, then runs away to vogue and stress that hitting in the face is NOT ALLOWED. Back in, Breeze puts him down for two and stops for a selfie, but Parker catches him with an airplane spin into a senton, which is dubbed the “psychedelic spin”. Yeah, no. Sadly, Breeze hides his face in the corner and Parker goes after him like a moron, allowing Breeze to use the iPHONE OF iDOOM for the pin at 3:23. I’m disappointed we didn’t get a big move from Parker that they could dub the “Laser Floyd”. *

Meanwhile, Emma is going to beat Summer Rae tonight and then play some “Dance Dance Emmalution”. Renee Young doesn’t think that’s actually a thing.

Emma v. Summer Rae

Nice quick summary of the issue here, which is the kind of efficient summary that I wish they’d do on the main show more often instead of INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT video packages with BWOOMMMP sound effects and optical effects. Emma takes Summer down after a scuffle and gets two, but makes the mistake of doing her “dance” beforehand which I’m convinced cost her the win there. YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. Summer takes over with a cheapshot in the ropes and gets two, but she makes the mistake of mocking the dance and thus loses precious time herself. Summer wraps her up with a very interesting full nelson with her LEGS, and rolls her over for two. Emma comes back with a Tarantula, which has one lonely guy in the front row chanting for ECW. That’s it, man, don’t let society hold you back from expressing yourself, even if you are a huge nerd. Emma locks in a bridged indian deathlock and gets the submission at 4:30. Sadly, Summer interrupts the victory dance, and then BLINDS her with bubble mix. No kidding, that shit burns if you get in your eyes. This was fine. *1/2

Meanwhile, French 1999 Randy Savage tries to recruit the Mamalukes’ biggest fans, but it doesn’t work out so well and a match of some sort results.

Meanwhile, Summer Rae bitches out another girl and claims that SummerSlam was named after her. I would question the validity of that one.

Scott Dawson v. Enzo Amore

Dawson is doing the always-dependable trailer park trash gimmick, and Enzo is a goofy Jersey Italian ala early DDP. Dawson overpowers him and suplexes him onto the top rope, and drops a knee for two. Dawson slugs him down and gets two, but Enzo takes him down with a headscissors. Meanwhile, Alexander Rusev (the caveman who lost to Dolph Ziggler last week) runs down and attacks Colin Cassidy on the floor, distracting Enzo long enough for Dawson to pin him with a suplex at 3:11. Nothing to this one. ½* Rusev is apparently the next member of Sylvester Lafort’s stable.

Sami Zayn joins us, and although it was a great match last week, he’s still bummed about the result. So instead he’ll set his sights on the NXT title, which brings out Bo Dallas. He points out that they don’t interview the losing team at the Super Bowl. We get a funny bit with Dallas getting confused about whether the crowd is chanting “Bo” or “Boo” (spoiler: They were booing him) and Zayn wants a title shot. This brings out Uncle Zeb, who accuses Sami of being a border-jumping illegal, and Sami is so distracted that he doesn’t notice Jack Swagger attacking him. So next week: Sami Zayn v. Jack Swagger.

Adrian Neville v. Conor O’Brian

Neville gets a bodypress for two, but Conor overpowers him and we take a break. I do miss skipping commercials on the DVR. Back with Neville throwing kicks to put O’Brian down, and he dodges a blind charge and hits a backdrop suplex for two. Neville goes up with a 450 for the pin at 5:25. Not much of a fight from O’Brian there. *1/2 The Ascension does the beatdown afterwards, but Corey Graves comes out with DDP rib tape to make the save. And then he gets beat up as well, which I’m assuming sets up a tag title match very soon.

The Pulse

Another fun, very simple hour of wrestling. Not much to the in-ring, but that’s not what the show is about anyway.