Mornin' Blog Otters, apologies for this late / really early QOTD, hopefully you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. Someone who won't be forgiving me however, are the kind folks who recently got a plug, here, in this very ring- erm, blog, for their well-meaning but technically faulty documentary about wrestling fans, that I really took issue with, so I went the brutal honesty route.
Come to find out today, via a deleted Tweet and Facebook message, that I am all the things that are wrong with Chicago and my hyper negativity wasn't appreciated, saying ultimately that I sounded like one of those genius multibillion dollar entrepreneurs on 'Shark Tank', which is really one of the nicest insults I've ever received.
So this brings to me a question I've had for awhile, especially regarding creative endeavors.
Generally, when asked for an honest opinion, do you sugar coat your criticisms to salve possible hurt feelings, or are you brutally honest? What do you prefer in response?
For me there are degrees to this. If a little kid shows me a picture of a house, naturally it's a "wow this is great, Jimmy!"- if someone posts a song on youtube, or writes something on this blog that they're not being paid for, I'll tend to have benevolent feelings. Otherwise I generally tend to subscribe to the concept that if you can't stand the heat, get the F out of the kitchen. When someone writes a spec-script for an original TV show that is very obviously and very desperately trying to be Entourage, I'll point it out. When someone is asking for the money of complete strangers when they haven't done any production work themselves, I'll point it out. A girl I know got 5000 dollars to make a 20 minute, romantic 'zom-com' and I thrashed it to pieces simply because I KNEW it wouldn't materialize, and worse, the person writing it wasn't a very good writer - but was constantly placated because she was hella sexy - the short film hasn't seen an update since August.
Ultimately the less serious you take something that I take intensely seriously, the worse I get. If you're looking for a pat on the back, give the host of Wheel of Fortune a piggy back ride and get back to me when you shot some real footage that doesn't look like Cinemax porno. As a result I kind of feel like John Goodman in 'The Big Lebowski" - I'm not wrong, just an asshole.
It's entirely possible that I'm like this because that's how I want people to treat my own stuff. While I appreciate being told what's good about something I've worked on, I'd rather people give me negative feedback that doesn't pull punches. Hell, in high school I had to write a speech for a competition. I read it to a substitute English teacher, and the guy absolutely destroyed it, whereas every other teacher said it was really good. To this day the advice that teacher gave me I bring to the table every time I write something seriously, especially when it comes to transitional phrases to begin paragraphs to keep the flow going.
Actually one of the things I really like about you Blog Otters is that you don't pull punches. When I went WAY overboard the other day on the 'Have a Nice Day' stuff I genuinely appreciated all the feedback / non-feedback that pretty much confirmed what I thought about the post five minutes after posting it - it was way self indulgent and overlong, much like my penis.
So for me, I tend to prefer someone rip me up and down and send me back with my confidence on life-support - determined to prove them wrong next time, than to have that same confidence artificially boosted for fear of hurting my feel goods, only to run head first into a brick wall of reality when push comes to shove.
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Blog Otter Award: NoCash for not sparing my feelings. His award, and a visual depiction of how most Otters likely felt about my last QOTD, can be found below.
2. Hey I reviewed Madden 25!
3. Because I do feel a little bad here's a link to the actual Kickstarter. - They've raised almost 400 dollars, which is more money than I've made in video production all year long.
4. GTAV has a great line about this kind of thing: "Crowdsourcing: The hot new way to be a bum!"
Come to find out today, via a deleted Tweet and Facebook message, that I am all the things that are wrong with Chicago and my hyper negativity wasn't appreciated, saying ultimately that I sounded like one of those genius multibillion dollar entrepreneurs on 'Shark Tank', which is really one of the nicest insults I've ever received.
So this brings to me a question I've had for awhile, especially regarding creative endeavors.
Generally, when asked for an honest opinion, do you sugar coat your criticisms to salve possible hurt feelings, or are you brutally honest? What do you prefer in response?
For me there are degrees to this. If a little kid shows me a picture of a house, naturally it's a "wow this is great, Jimmy!"- if someone posts a song on youtube, or writes something on this blog that they're not being paid for, I'll tend to have benevolent feelings. Otherwise I generally tend to subscribe to the concept that if you can't stand the heat, get the F out of the kitchen. When someone writes a spec-script for an original TV show that is very obviously and very desperately trying to be Entourage, I'll point it out. When someone is asking for the money of complete strangers when they haven't done any production work themselves, I'll point it out. A girl I know got 5000 dollars to make a 20 minute, romantic 'zom-com' and I thrashed it to pieces simply because I KNEW it wouldn't materialize, and worse, the person writing it wasn't a very good writer - but was constantly placated because she was hella sexy - the short film hasn't seen an update since August.
Ultimately the less serious you take something that I take intensely seriously, the worse I get. If you're looking for a pat on the back, give the host of Wheel of Fortune a piggy back ride and get back to me when you shot some real footage that doesn't look like Cinemax porno. As a result I kind of feel like John Goodman in 'The Big Lebowski" - I'm not wrong, just an asshole.
It's entirely possible that I'm like this because that's how I want people to treat my own stuff. While I appreciate being told what's good about something I've worked on, I'd rather people give me negative feedback that doesn't pull punches. Hell, in high school I had to write a speech for a competition. I read it to a substitute English teacher, and the guy absolutely destroyed it, whereas every other teacher said it was really good. To this day the advice that teacher gave me I bring to the table every time I write something seriously, especially when it comes to transitional phrases to begin paragraphs to keep the flow going.
Actually one of the things I really like about you Blog Otters is that you don't pull punches. When I went WAY overboard the other day on the 'Have a Nice Day' stuff I genuinely appreciated all the feedback / non-feedback that pretty much confirmed what I thought about the post five minutes after posting it - it was way self indulgent and overlong, much like my penis.
So for me, I tend to prefer someone rip me up and down and send me back with my confidence on life-support - determined to prove them wrong next time, than to have that same confidence artificially boosted for fear of hurting my feel goods, only to run head first into a brick wall of reality when push comes to shove.
----------------------------
Blog Otter Award: NoCash for not sparing my feelings. His award, and a visual depiction of how most Otters likely felt about my last QOTD, can be found below.
1. Boy-oh-BOY did that Kickstarter rub me the wrong way. It's obvious the people trying to make it mean well, but good intentions have absolutely jack shit to do with my wallet. Speaking of documentaries, How many of ya'll have decent webcams and decent microphones! IWC: The Movie could be a reality, folks.
3. Because I do feel a little bad here's a link to the actual Kickstarter. - They've raised almost 400 dollars, which is more money than I've made in video production all year long.
4. GTAV has a great line about this kind of thing: "Crowdsourcing: The hot new way to be a bum!"
"apologies for this late / really early QOTD, hopefully you can find it in your hearts to forgive me."
ReplyDeleteFuck that, if I ever see you on the street I can promise that you will not wake up the following morning. Does that answer your fucking question? Not posting the QOTD on time... WANKER! FUCKING WANKER!
Anyway, if someone asks my honest opinion I'll tell it like I see it. That's only if someone *asks*, though. Generally, I like to keep it like Sheldon Willis. "You want him to like you, but forget about you the second he leaves your sight."
Yeah, I've just accepted it. No reason to get all worked up about shit I can't change.
ReplyDeleteIn real life I'm known for being the super-diplomatic level-headed peacemaker. Probably because I vent all my brutal honesty elsewhere. Seems to work for me.
ReplyDeleteBlog Otters sucks, but I see it aint going nowhere.
ReplyDeleteDepends on where Im at/who im with
ReplyDeleteWork: Can't afford to appease people. Beating around the bush could get someone hurt.
Home: Moms can handle blunt. Sister can't. GF/Ex-wife sometimes.
Anyone else gets the honest truth.
How about.... The BOD Rapists?
ReplyDeleteThe brutal answer to any question I'm posed is "I want to murder you" so I have to do a lot of sugarcoating.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...rolls off the tounge, factually accurate...
ReplyDeleteI try to be as nice as possible to all people about all things. Because really, who gives a fuck?
ReplyDeleteOr as my mom once told me "Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice."
Also what did I miss? You got into with a wrestling doc starter?
ReplyDeleteMany used to say that about Caliber
ReplyDeleteIf something's crap I prefer to say it's crap, but it seems more and more people now get pissy about honest criticism than in years gone by.
ReplyDeleteJust bought GTAV today....my poor eyes are like @_@ after five straight hours. Watching "Friends" as a visual palette cleanser. But can't wait to put in another marathon tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm tactfully truthful. I make sure I tell them what they need to hear to go in a better direction, but in a matter that's supportive and making sure they know I'm looking out for them.
Yeah pretty much - Some guys in the mid west took a bunch of crowd footage, wrote a little three minute piece, and then pasted on their Kickstarter as the main pitch, and proceeded to ask for 5000 to make a documentary, zero footage of which was presented.
ReplyDeleteIf you're genuinely interested in making what they are doing better, then constructive criticism is something everyone should accept. If you hate everything about it and have no interest ignore it. If it's something that belittles or insults you or something you care about then give them a decent argument.
ReplyDelete"Otherwise I generally tend to subscribe to the concept that if you can't stand the head, get the F out of the kitchen."
ReplyDeleteYou may want to do a little editing unless you're trying to make some sort of joke here.
OH SURE THE WEEK I WIN IT'S NOW STUPID.
ReplyDeleteSemi off topic here but what happened to CAPS?
The best method is to be so over-the-top harsh that it's sugar coating.
ReplyDeleteFor example I work with a blind guy. We make fun of him all the time for being blind and having dead parents.
You kinda have to be there.
Meekin, what pissed you off about that documentary? I just watched like 2 minutes of the trailer thing and gave seen much worse on the internet...Buckdiddys "films" come to mind.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't sugar-coat, but I'm not mean about it. When people get mad when I tell them something, I ask them, "Are you mad that I said it or that it is true?"
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of sugarcoating things. I prefer the direct and honest route, whether I am giving or receiving the criticism. However, you can be direct and honest but still tactful and compassionate...which is a skill that not everyone has mastered. Too many people either try to be honest but end up pussyfooting around, or don't bother and are straight up dicks. There's a middle ground somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I think that in this day and age of political correctness people don't know how to take criticism no matter how honest or objective you are.
ReplyDeleteLike I've stated before, the one I hear the most is, "Stop hatin', he's making money." as if that is justification for a dumb move.
Far to many people confuse being honest with being rude. You can tell someone something they are doing isn't very good or needs improvement without saying "This isn't very good" or "This is a real piece of shit". Something along the lines of "You could improve this here" or "I would have done this differently by doing X".
ReplyDeleteI remember a lot of old Myspace profiles used to say "Hey I am just honest and if you can't take that its on you its not on me" and that always came off as wanting to give themselves permission to be hateful to people to me. There are situations where you have to be harsh in order to get through to someone, but any other time you should have some class and decency and try to put things in an effective, but friendly way.
I think it's good to be a little bit diplomatic in your criticism, unless you are truly an expert or have lots of insight in the topic you are criticizing.
ReplyDeleteSome people will just blast you if given the opportunity, even when they don't really understand what they are criticizing. It just more or less becomes a fancy dance to basically say "I just don't like it for whatever reason".
That's more acceptable if someone is soliciting your opinion, although even then if I don't know the person that well or much about the topic at hand I will mention that right off the bat.
Agreed. People need to "use their words" so to speak. Lazy criticism is dismissive, rather than insightful in most cases. Rarely do I find the need to be particularly harsh -- most people seek out opinions on things they've worked hard on, so rarely is it so awful that it has no redeeming value at all. I find it's better to give people an overall impression that what they've done can be improved, point out a couple of good things and point out a few of the bad things.
ReplyDeleteThis is how to give criticism...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rspwfaq.net/2013/09/cucchs-book-review-unauthorized-history.html?m=1
I found that quite a few people asked me for my opinion because:
ReplyDelete1.) They think you're going to agree with them
2.) They need someone to blame
If these people don't get the answer they want from you, they will ask someone else until they hear the answer they want.
Agreed. You can have the best criticism/advice in the world for someone and if its delivered in a a condescending or dickish manner theyll just tune it out.
ReplyDeleteDoes that mean your going to start saying nice things about Triple H?
ReplyDeleteThat's an excellent point. I have an employee that does that, and it drives me insane. Finally, I just flat out told him "I really like the initiative and ambition that you're showing, but you can't come to me and expect validation all the time. Everything that we put out is ultimately on me, so when I see work that can be improved, I improve it. Don't get discouraged, just take the lessons you're learning each time to heart, and eventually you'll get to the point where you won't have to tweak things at all."
ReplyDeleteIt worked, thankfully - but the whole "puppy bringing a dead bird and expecting a pat on the head" bit made me want to kick said puppy.
I'm lost...........
ReplyDeleteThat thread should be preserved.. It was a BOD classic.
ReplyDeleteCatchy!
ReplyDeleteMainevent BoD thread. I have it bookmarked.
ReplyDeleteDammit, I missed out on that thread. I guess I should stop having sex with my wife and live here 24/7.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, duh!
ReplyDeleteI reserve my TRUE opinions for the anonymity that the internet provides me with. I sugar coat things when I'm faced with the reality that the person is standing right in front of me.
ReplyDeleteLogisitcs Manager in Afghanistan
ReplyDeletesugar coating is for babies?
ReplyDeletewe're talking about to make 'em taste better... right?
'bitter baby face' (hah) is no fun
'Home: Moms can handle blunt. Sister can't. GF/Ex-wife sometimes.'
ReplyDeleteleave rvd talk out of this
He's done a great job of getting himself over at the expense of every one on the roster so huzzah
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, that thread was vicious. How the fuck did I miss that?
ReplyDeleteSugar-coating usually just results in having to deal with the same stupid stuff over and over again. I'm not out and out mean to the employees I supervise, but I definitely let them know when they do something dumb and need to change up some very bad habits. I try to be as constructive as possible, though, so I don't erase the good habits, too.
ReplyDeleteBeing too nice to spare people's feelings is just a waste of time in the end.
I tend to sugar coat everything. It's just my way. Maybe I'm just bad at being brutally honest, but whenever I am like that, disastrous results occur.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, I think nwa88 and parallax put it far more eloquently and succinctly than I could. You can still be honest but with a fair amount of tact and human decency. It's really not that difficult.
And, Mr. Meekin, your critical analysis of the kickstarter project was spot on. Was it close to brutal honesty? Maybe. But you provided support and insight to every point you made. And you even friggin' offered to help--I don't see how your criticisms could be construed as "brutal" in that light. That evaluation of their project was the most enlightening thing I've read on this blog in a while.
I think it depends on the person. If a person is sensitive then be easy in order to make sure the focus is on the message and not on the delivery. If the person you're dealing with is a straight-shooter, I think they would appreciate you being straight with them and not bouncing around the point.
ReplyDeleteIt pissed me off because they didn't do any actual hard work. They wrote that little speech you hear in the video, they edited together that video with stock footage, probably off of youtube, then copy and pasted the little speech into the Kickstater AND the e-mail they sent Scott.
ReplyDeleteIf they didn't have enough to say about Wrestling Fans that they couldn't write unique e-mails or a unique pitch, why in the BLUE HELL would anyone give them ANY money.
I knew you would eventually see it my way jobber!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI see. I was just surprised because you seem very level headed in these threads, so it must gave really annoyed you. I agree it sucked though.
ReplyDelete