The PG Era Rant: Monday Night Raw, Sept. 23, 2013

When last we left our heroes, they’d finally had enough and stormed the ring, sending Randy Orton and the Shield running.  Now Daniel Bryan has an army of ten behind him, and HHH specifically prevented Vickie from exacting punishment… on SmackDown, anyway.  Which of these messages will rule the day tonight?

The pre-show ad promises a Punk return in his hometown, and apparently the McMahons will address the rebellious Superstars.

- The PG-Era Rant for Monday Night Raw, September 23, 2013.

- Live from Chicago.

- Your hosts are JBL, an Old King, and Cole.

- First, a tribute to Angelo Savoldi.  Rest in peace to another pioneer.

- As a reminder, Daniel Bryan beat Randy Orton with a fast count, and as a result, the title is held up.  Or held in abeyance.  Or whatever phrase they want to use.  So Daniel Bryan got beaten up by Team HHH until the “the rank and file” (or a good number of them) made the save.

- We begin with the protestors on stage as Stephanie and HHH head to the ring.  Through the protestors.  I mean, there’s no way they would have a beating right there, but it would’ve been amazing.  Shield is the blue line between them.  Cole addresses the punishment that wasn’t on SmackDown (read Tommy Hall’s excellent report for details).  Stephanie leads the crowd in the YES chant, which is so bizarre.  HHH says upfront: thank you for making a name for yourselves and being men.  No, it wasn’t standing up for Daniel Bryan… wait, RVD wishes to disagree.  HHH acts like he never saw that coming.  Apparently, he thinks pro wrestlers are selfish people.  I mean, why fight to keep someone else as champ?  HHH asks Dolph why he would fight on the behalf of someone else and not himself, since why can’t Dolph be the contender?  Or R-Truth be a contender, since he hasn’t had a championship match in forever?  Or Ryder?  But they don’t have a chance because of… the Shield!?  After all, the Shield has destroyed everyone over and over.  Ah, HHH throwing his underlings under the bus.  Classic villain move.  So, yeah, it wasn’t for Daniel Bryan.  It was for the Shield.  Clearly.  HHH names them one by one to gauge pops.  I think Ziggler wins, but it’s close.  So HHH says we’ll have… the same match as on SmackDown.  No, seriously, the same match.  Elimination Handicap match, Daniel Bryan, et cetera.  In the midst of all this, HHH confirms that Bryan/Orton will happen at Battleground, and he tries to sow dissension by saying that Bryan thinks he’s better than the protestors.  Stephanie then says thank you to the fans, and to show it: Randy Orton will face off against one of Truth, Ziggler, or RVD.  (NOTE: the crowd would prefer CM Punk, thank you very much.)  And it will be an App Match.  There’s a level of insincerity here, and I love it.  The Shield don’t seem to thrilled by the match announcement, especially since it was the “first ever” match but not the first of the week.  What does Vickie Guerrero think?

- Sidebar: remember how HHH didn’t want Vickie to be GM of Raw and had her thrown off the job, only for Vince to send her to SmackDown?  Just a reminder as to why he’s overriding Vickie’s punishment, then doing it on his own.

- Kofi Kingston v. Alberto Del Rio.  Aha!  He’s softening up the Eleven before their Shield match.  Well played.  As a reminder: ADR v. RVD will be at Battleground.  ADR owns the lockup into the corner, getting a sharp kick to the gut and working a headlock.  ADR wins the exchange with a shoulder tackle, but Kofi leaps during the next sequence.  ADR isn’t fooled and attacks Kofi, working him over in the corner before running into a head-scissors.  Kofi sends ADR to the outside, following with a somersault pescado.  Kofi: “ALL DAY LONG!”   Kofi with a ten-punch into a European Uppercut, that doesn’t even get one.  Gut kick by ADR and he stomps on Kofi’s head.  Snap suplex by ADR, and that doesn’t get one either.  ADR with a chinlock, but Kofi fights out only to get hairpull slammed.  ADR chokes Kofi in the ropes, following up with a Drive-By kick on the outside.  Kofi fights his way back with right hands, boxing his way out, eventually dumping ADR to the apron.  ADR tries to use the hair to take advantage, only to get smashed with a high kick.  Kofi fakes a dive as we take a break.  We come back with Kofi down and ADR standing tall.  Kofi rolls back in, only to get snapmared and soccer kicked for two.  ADR works the arm as we see that ADR damaged it during the commercial break.  Kofi fires out and tries a sunset flip, but the arm is too weak and ADR capitalizes.  ADR with a behind the head chicken wing.  Kofi fires out and works ADR’s gut, putting him up top as the crowd chants for Randy Savage (because why not).  ADR does a hanging armbar, but gets rolled up for two only to lariat Kofi.  ADR backs Kofi into the corner and is forced to break, allowing Kofi to fight back with one arm.  ADR blocks a blind charge and goes up, only to get dropkicked out of midair.  Question: if Kofi didn’t do that, what was ADR going to do?  Kofi begins the comeback with clotheslines and a dropkick, but a HUGE kick to the arm by ADR stops him cold.  ADR charges into an SOS for two.  Kofi with a running chest kick and Boom Drop on ADR, and he signals Trouble in Paradise.  It’s important to clap even if you have a bad arm, you know.  Kofi charges into a German suplex with bridge for two.  NICE.  ADR mushroom stomps the back of Kofi, then stalls before working up the crowd for the cross armbreaker.  Kofi tilt-a-whirls into what appeared to be something between a DDT and SOS for two.  That was a wild counter.  ADR charges into the pendulum kick in the ropes, but Kofi airballs a bodypress.  ADR sends Kofi into the post and is ready for the armbuster and Cross Armbreaker, winning the match in 14:04.  WRESTLING!  ***1/4  The champ wins a great back-and-forth match, Kofi looks good without winning, and it sets up the main event later.  I approve.

- Backstage, Renee Young talks to the Miz, who looks pretty good for having a broken neck.  I guess the Pillman treatment only works on the limbs.  Before Miz can say anything, HHH checks up on him.  HHH: “Chicago wants its MizTV.”  Crowd: “We do?”  Tonight, it’s MizTV with the Big Show.  Miz says nothing.  I think we know how this is going to end, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

- We recap the Rhodes/McMahons feud.

- Wyatt Family v. Prime Time Players.  Wow, the Wyatts are crazy over.  The crowd is clapping along with their music.  Harper forces himself to start the match with Young, working the nose (!!) before getting pounded down.  Harper with a big boot to take control, and in comes Rowan.  Mask and all.  Rowan with a slam and he stares at Young before removing his mask and headbutting Young.  Big elbow follows.  Rowan hangs Young on the ropes, and both men argue over who beats Young up.  Harper teases Young before going to a front chancery.  Harper with a big back elbow for two.  I like this detail: the Wyatts are not fighting like wrestlers.  Rowan with a kneedrop to Young’s back.  Rowan works over Young in the corner, but Young tries to fight back only to get a kneelift and pumphandle backbreaker from Rowan.  Harper with a tag off a miscommunication as the crowd wants Wyatt himself.  Harper goes clubbing and fishhooks Young.  Lights temporarily go out.  Weird.  Young knocks Rowan off the turnbuckle and kicks away on Harper, FINALLY getting the hot tag.  O’Neil pops the crowd and cleans house.  Corner clothesline on Harper and he barks.  Young sends Rowan to the outside, but Harper lariats O’Neil (JBL approves) for the pin at 4:29.  Wyatt adds some shots to Young for fun, ending with Sister Abigail’s Kiss.  Wyatt: “FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!”  3/4*

- MizTV!  And Miz is very angry.  He promises it is not over with Randy Orton.  His guest, as noted before, is Big Show.  Crowd is booing, but whom?  Big question: how could Show DO that?  Show says nothing.  Miz is sympathetic and knows Show is in between a rock and a hard place.  Miz says they’re trying to break Show so that they can get the big man on his side.  “If they break you, they can break everybody – at least that’s what they think!”  One small problem: if the rest of the WWE is stepping up, why not Show?  Crowd is cheering Miz here.  But before Miz can finish his rousing speech, here’s Stephanie.  Stephanie wants to know why he’s berating Show.  Miz isn’t afraid of the legal threats that Stephanie, and gets immature to make his point.  Stephanie says that Miz is inadequate and calls Orton’s beatdown humiliating.  “There’s nothing worse than a Superstar who peaks too early.”  She calls Miz a utility player and says he’s good for media relations.  Only Stephanie can make this sound BAD.  Stephanie says that Miz failed his family.  This is beautifully disgusting.  The verbal beating goes on a tad too long before Stephanie finally gets to the point we all knew was coming: Stephanie orders Big Show to knock Miz out.  And this time Big Show does it with pleasure, though it’s hard to blame him.  If Show’s slowly turning heel in this story, why was he turned face when he came back in the first place?  I know constant Show turning is a running gag on the Internet, but this is weird even by those standards.

- Randy Orton v. Rob Van Dam.  And it’s not even close.  Did Lawler call Randy Orton WWE Champion?  They say this was the second-most votes in WWE App history.  I can only hope the most votes was when they asked Daniel Bryan and Kane to hug it out.  Posing to start, but Orton smacks down and punches down RVD.  RVD flips over a backdrop, causing Orton to bail.  Orton slowly re-enters, but RVD nails a heel kick and fires away in the corner.  Corner-to-corner heel kick sends Orton out a second time as the hardest thing I have to do is ignore the announcers.  RVD follows, but Orton trips RVD as we go to break.  We return with Orton stomping RVD’s face.  Vertical suplex gets two, and we HIT THE CHINLOCK.  RVD fights out, ending with a spinkick to daze Orton, then it’s a series of clotheslines.  Superkick follows as Ricardo wants Rolling Thunder and gets it.  It gets two.  Blind charge by Orton misses, but so does the split-legged moonsault by RVD.  Orton sets up the Draping DDT, nailing it as JBL steals Cole’s “vintage Orton” line.  Orton stalls as the crowd boos him before pounding up the RKO.  RVD counters with a high kick and leg roll for two.  How did he hit that kick?  RVD fights Orton in the corner and nails the flying kick as a Plan B off of the rolling monkey flip.  Orton is up too soon on the Five-Star, so RVD does a rolling senton bodyblock instead.  Second try, but Orton kicks the leg out of RVD’s leg on the top rope.  Orton follows up with a high kick to send RVD to the outside – no RKO yet – and they visit the announce table.  RVD goes into the barrier as we get another double countout at 10:38.  Orton rips apart the safety rail and suplexes RVD onto the metal skeleton of the barricade.  From there, it’s into the steel steps.  Orton pounds RVD in the head repeatedly before sending him into a second set of steps.  Then, RVD goes into the announce table, and from there, it’s back in the ring.  Orton puts RVD on the top – he’s LAUGHING AT THIS, which is beautiful – and it’s a Draping DDT from the top.  Orton as a psychopath heel is just what he needed – now he’s not just the chosen heel, but he’s capable of winning on his own.  THIS is how you build your top heel.  **1/2

- FINALLY, we’ll see the debut of Los Matadores next week.

- Meanwhile, Alberto Del Rio adds his two cents on Rob Van Dam.

- So, I pre-ordered WWE2K14.  How about you?

- Meanwhile, Randy Orton gloats to the Bellas and sends a warning to Daniel Bryan.  Then offers to give an upgrade.  Evil Orton is so fun.  Orton growls at whichever Bella is DB’s boyfriend.

- Meanwhile, we look at HHH’s wedding with Stephanie.  I’m disappointed they didn’t invite fans to the wedding.  A “what” chant during the vows would have been outstanding.  Stephanie’s watching it when AJ enters the office to a big pop.  Stephanie brings up AJ’s ex-boyfriend insanity and offers a DVD copy to AJ.  Ouch.  AJ wants the Total Divas to go away and never come back.  Plus, AJ’s own tag partners hate her.  Stephanie just glares at AJ and tells her to do what she’s told.  Is this an AJ face turn imminent?  I don’t think WWE even knows which side to cheer for.

- Fandango v. Santino Marella.  Okay, given how the fans sing along to his nonexistent lyrics in his theme music… do you turn him face?  CAN you?  I smell a comedy match.  Dance-off starts us off, but Santino takes advantage to punch away.  Fandango BOWS to avoid a bodypress and stomps away.  Not bad.  Knee to the gut by Fandango, but Santino kips up… or tries to and fails.  Fandango stomps for good measure.  Hammer Throw by Fandango gets two.  Snapmare by Fandango, and he goes to a bodyscissors as the crowd chants for Summer Rae.  Santino powers out of it, so Fandango changes to a headlock.  Santino rolls up for two to break.  Fandango clotheslines him down for two.  Abdominal stretch by Fandango as Cole namechecks Tony Garea (!!).  Santino back suplexes out of it.  Santino starts the comeback and gets the saluting headbutt before grabbing the Cobra.  Summer Rae distracts Santino, so Fandango gets a snap suplex and goes up for the flying legdrop.  Santino meets him up there but is knocked back down, and the big legdrop finishes at 3:46.  Fandango just does NOT do it for me.  1/4*

- CM Punk arrives to blow the roof off the joint.  He has a Duncan Keith NHL jersey (as if he needs help sucking up to the home crowd).  It’s going to be Punk/Ryback at Battleground.  Punk is upset he can’t even be upset over losing to Heyman.  Brock Fan can be seen bowing to Punk.  He feels upset he couldn’t bring the Stanley Cup, which segues into letting people down at Night of Champions.  Nothing can change that Heyman pinned CM Punk.  That’s in Grey’s Sports Almanac (which I thought only went to 2005).  This STUNG.  Punk is thinking that if he lost to Heyman, can he continue?  Does he deserve to be Chicago Made?  Crowd: “YES YOU DO!”  Punk then credits the fans for picking him back up (and mentions the Blackhawks comeback against the Wings).  He ties it together: if Chicago can get over it and come back to win the whole thing, SO CAN HE.  That’s how Chicago does it!  Punk embraces the blue-collar Chicago ethic.  He’s going to complete the comeback, because THAT’S WHAT CHICAGO DO!  Sorry, having a Mark Henry moment.  Paul Heyman interrupts with New York, New York.  That’s funny.  As is his bad singing.  He’s on a motor scooter and his mic cuts out a bit.  But Heyman’s gonna get beat down because WE’RE IN CHICAGO!  This is SUCH a cheap heat promo.  Not saying it’s bad, just that that’s what it is.  Heyman admits he was beaten down hard at Night of Champions, and it’s put him in therapy ever since.  But you know what?  HE STILL WON.  Heyman makes it clear that it’s geography’s fault: Chicago is just the Second (Rate) City.   Crowd calls him a walrus, but it doesn’t matter because HE BEAT CM PUNK.  Punk makes it clear we all know the ending, including the Ryback/Axel beatdown.  And it doesn’t matter how short he gets, he will rip Heyman’s face off.  Heyman keeps egging Punk on and goes to leave… but the scooter malfunctions.  Punk races after Heyman, and gets half a second before the Dangerous Alliance takes Punk out.  You gotta wonder why Punk fell for this.  He KNEW it was going to happen, and he went and did it anyway.  Seriously?  Does being a face lower your IQ?  Punk fights his way out, sending Ryback flying but not Axel.  Axel keeps pounding and whips Punk into the stage, but Punk reverses before diving onto Ryback.  The crowd is going bonkers.  Ryback visits the stage as well, but Axel recovers only to get a roundhouse kick.  But that allows RYBACK to recover and attack.  Now Punk eats stage courtesy of Ryback, who throws him onto the sound trunks and gorilla presses him through a table.  And by the way, Heyman never needed the scooter.  Crowd responds by taunting Goldberg.  I mean Ryback.  Brilliant segment, even if it was tampered a little by the fact that they even acknowledged everyone could see it coming a mile away.

- As they observe Punk – who insists on leaving on his own – we have intros for the next match:

- The Total Divas v. Layla, Alicia Fox, Aksana, AJ Lee, and Tamina.  Natalya and Alicia start, and Natalya gets a rollup for one before having a Sharpshooter blocked.  Alicia fights back as the crowd demands puppies.  Ask your Attitude Era brother about that one.  Alicia gets two off a boot in the corner and HITS THE CHINLOCK.  Natalya fights out, but Fox stops her only to miss the flip legdrop.  Hot tag to Brie, who gets dropkicks repeatedly and a knee to the face.  She clears the apron, but AJ jumps in and slams down Brie.  She sends Brie to the post, but Brie with a facejam after AJ taunts too much to get the pin at 1:54.  Of note: her teammates did nothing to break it up.  And now, Brie/AJ for the Divas’ Title (presumably) at Battleground.  Eh, it got the job done.  Not that I care.

- Renee Young interviews the Shield in their undisclosed location.  Ambrose isn’t happy about the match… but they’re the hounds that kill the wolves.  Now Ambrose is using Best For Business™.  And every time the Shield’s back is against the wall, they revolutionize the industry.  The Shield are WINNERS.  Tonight, they will do their jobs.

- Before our main event, a word with Daniel Bryan.  And that word is likely YES.  He mentions the title being taken from him over an accusation of conspiracy.  Bryan says he may not be smart, but Orton was so far knocked out it didn’t matter.  And now he counter-accuses HHH and Orton, since Armstrong got a very favorable severance package.  Whatever happened, though, doesn’t matter, because there will be a rematch and he will win it, no matter which Viper he faces.  Orton won’t wake up until the next day, and all he’ll hear is YES.  This brings the Shield out early, but the Rhodes Brothers ambush Ambrose and Rollins before anything happens.  Nice of Dustin to put his facepaint on.  That small detail pulled me a bit out of the moment, but otherwise it reminded us about the Rhodes feud.

- SmackDown main event: Ziggler/Ambrose for the US Title.  Have fun, Tommy.

- Main Event: The Shield v. The Revolution.  To recap, we have Daniel Bryan, Kofi Kingston, Rob Van Dam, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Zack Ryder, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, and Titus O’Neil on one side, and Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns on the other.  It’s elimination rules.  Kofi is taped up.  Jimmy and Rollins will start, and Rollins gets the better of that.  Jimmy avoids a whip to the heel corner and uppercuts Rollins, bringing in Ziggler to keep up the momentum.  Rollins throws Ziggler into the heel corner, and that allows Ambrose to fight back and box down Ziggler in the corner.  Ambrose brings Reigns in, and Reigns keeps Ziggler in the heel corner.  Rollins kicks Ziggler and taunts the face corner, allowing Ziggler an attempt to worm through.  Rollins makes it a half-crab, and Ambrose is in to taunt.  Ziggler with a dropkick on Ambrose, and in comes a taped-up RVD.  Big kicks to RVD, but Ambrose avoids Rolling Thunder only to get kicked down.  Shoulders in the gut by RVD, but he tweaks his arm on the backflip and Ambrose with the bulldog driver for the pin at 2:54.  We take a break.  When we return, Kofi has an armlock on Rollins, and the crowd wants Ziggler as Rollins does a backbreaker to get out.  Ambrose in, and he works the injured arm.  Ambrose with an armbar into a chickenwing, and Kofi is in pain.  Kofi with a buckle-climb crossbody for two, but no tag as Ambrose holds him back with the bad arm.  Bulldog driver again and Kofi’s out at 8:08.  O’Neil charges in and throws Ambrose around.  Ambrose escapes and brings in Reigns as the crowd wants to see this matchup.  They lock up, but Reigns pushes O’Neil into the Shield corner, allowing Rollins to get more punches in.  Rollins continues the assault and brings Reigns back in with a headbutt.  O’Neil fights everyone down, but gets speared and he’s out at 9:43.  Gabriel in next to try his luck with kicks, but he’s speared and sent home at 10:02.  Ryder tries, but Reigns controls him.  Blind charge misses and Ryder with a missile dropkick and Broski Boot... But he gets speared and is out at 10:34.  Enter Bryan now with many many kicks, but Reigns shrugs him off.  Bryan does the corner flip into a clothesline and clears the Shield.  Corner-to-corner dropkicks follow as Jimmy comes in with a superkick.  Jey up top with the Superfly Splash and Reigns is out at 11:24.  Cole points out that Reigns has never been pinned before as we go to break again.  Young is pounding down Rollins as we come back, but Rollins drops Young on the buckle and brings in Ambrose.  Ambrose with a Bryanesque dropkick to Young and he punches away in the corner.  Ambrose continues boxing down Young, and in comes Rollins with a snapmare and kick.  He goes to the facelock, getting the crowd behind Young, but Ambrose gets a blind tag and sandwiches Young.  Ambrose puts on a sleeper to Young, but Young headbutts out and gets a Greco-Roman throw.  A Northern Lights suplex gets two on Ambrose.  Young won’t tag out, going for the Gut Check, but Rollins tags in and gets the knee to the face off the top rope to pin Young at 17:19.  Ziggler back in with a dropkick and Rude Awakening.  He goes nuts in the corner on Rollins, but gets pulled into the buckle after a few too many charges.  Ambrose gets two off of it.  Ambrose tosses Ziggler into the corner and boxes and headbutts away, but a running powerslam is reversed to the Zig Zag and he’s out at 18:39.  Rollins is 1-on-5 and jumps Ziggler right away, but he realizes he’s in a LOT of trouble.  Rollins pulls Ziggler to his corner and stomps away.  A slam gets two.  Rollins gets a float suplex for two.  He goes to the chinlock to save his strength, but runs into an elbow and gets Jumping DDT’d.  It’s a double KO situation, and in comes Truth with clotheslines.  Lie Detector connects, followed by a front suplex slam for two.  Rollins cuts off momentum and gets a jumping stomp for the pin at 21:10.  The Revolution debates before surrounding Rollins – look familiar? – and they all race in and attacks Rollins at the same time.  Ambrose returns, so Ziggler sends him out.  The Usos cut off Reigns at the pass with a double superkick, and it’s a twin pescado by the Usos.  That leaves Bryan and Rollins, but Rollins knocks over Bryan from behind.  Bryan’s put up top and Rollins follows, but the superplex is cut off and Bryan gets the Ram Jam.  Crowd is pumped, and it’s the Yes Knee for the finish at 23:12.  Bryan, Ziggler, and the Usos seem to survive, but no one is celebrating but Bryan.  Everyone else left.  If I’m HHH, I’m bringing this up on Friday.  This match was what it needed to be.  ***1/4

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This was one of those self-contained story shows, and as always it should be judged along those lines.  The main event paid off earlier actions: Kofi and RVD were eliminated early, the Prime Time Players didn’t win, and Daniel Bryan celebrated alone.  I have to wonder how much of this will be followed up on.  As I said, it should be followed up on, because for this story to be anything more than cartoonish, the heels need to have a point.

The show itself had a lot of good matches, which is all I want on Raw.  The heat on Orton is on ORTON now, and the story with HHH has them taking a back seat.  Almost every face on the roster is caught up in this story in some way – Miz and the Rhodes Brothers on top of the Revolution – and now, the Big Show looks more heelish.  The only concern I have is that the heel side needs more muscle on it.  Yes, we have the Shield and Orton, and Big Show is slowly going over there, but there’s room for more.  Del Rio?  We The People?  The Wyatt Family?  There’s room to even the sides.

But all that is projecting and speculating.  I have to judge based on what I saw today, and it did entertain me.  I’m going to be honest: writing these recaps make the three hours go faster.  I like how all the stories are intertwining, and they are making the WWE Title and who has it the centerpiece of all the action.  That’s all I ask for: titles front and center, and matches that settle it.

STATS:

Match time: 58:03 in only six matches

Best match: Del Rio v Kofi

Worst match: The Divas

Night MVP (kayfabe): Tough call again, but I’ll go Dolph Ziggler

FINAL SCORE: 7.5.  The last match had too much downtime, but there were several moments that got my love.  Also, the surprise appearance of the Rhodes Brothers makes me happy.

That’s all I got this time around.  Stay tuned for Mike Mears’ post-game show, and I’ll be back to live-rant again in seven days!  Please post any questions to this blog, because I check feedback all night.