The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 10.23.13
For some reason the show was uploaded to Hulu 12 hours late this week. I NEED MY FIX, DAMMIT!
Taped from Orlando, FL, and FUCK ME, the stupid pink ribbon bullshit is permeating this show now, too.
Your hosts are Tom Phillips & Alex Riley, with SPECIAL GUEST Tensai.
Corey Graves comes out to give his explanation, but before he can even exposit a little bit, Adrian Neville storms out and kicks his ass because he’s MAD at him and that’s what wrestlers who are mad at other wrestlers are supposed to do!
Emma v. Sasha Banks
Emma starts an adorable shoving match and gets a rollup for two, and a sunset flip for two. Oklahoma Roll gets two, and she works on an armbar. Alex Riley creeping on Emma while calling the match is pretty…creepy, actually. William Regal’s love of Paige works because he’s charming and British, but Riley just comes across as a weird pervert. Sasha takes over with a cheapshot and runs her into the corner for two and we take a break. Back with Sasha holding a chinlock, and a back elbow gets two. Sasha puts the badmouth on Emma and beats her down for two before going to another chinlock. Emma comes back with clotheslines and the Dilemma in the corner, which gets two. Slingshot sets up the Emma-Lock, but Paige brawls with Summer at ringside and Sasha gets the cradle for the pin at 10:52. See, that finish works because it’s not just the heel standing on the ramp while the babyface stands there like an idiot – there’s an actual reason for the distraction. And then it gets WORSE for Emma, as Paige tries to fight off the heels and accidentally clotheslines Emma. **
Meanwhile, Bo Dallas announces that he’s going on vacation to Bolivia to deliver squirt guns to starving children. That still puts him above the Komen foundation.
Casey Maron & Tommy Taylor v. The Ascension
How low does your career path have to go to become a jobber on NXT? The crowd immediately gets behind them, chanting “Let’s Go These Guys”. Everyone in that audience gets a Christmas card from me this year. The champs squash the shit out of These Guys and finish Maron with Total Elimination at 2:30.
Meanwhile, Sami Zayn feels like maybe JBL was biased against him last week.
Meanwhile, JBL denies any conspiracy with HHH, and bans Zayn from NXT until he learns some respect. Also, Renee Young needs to change her shirt to something less revealing. YOU BASTARD.
CJ Parker v. Alexander Rusev
I don’t know how things work in the dirty Obama-voting hippie commune that Parker comes from, but in the real world stealing an iPhone is a CRIME. Hopefully Rusev teaches him a lesson. And indeed, Rusev throws him around and a hits a running butt splash in the corner before finishing with the camel clutch at 1:21. Yeah! Send him back to Cuba with the other pinkos! Wait, I guess Rusev might also be a communist. DISREGARD THIS LAST POLITICALLY-CHARGED RANT. You dirty Russian commies are OK with me! Also, an intriguing hot blonde wanders around ringside surveying Rusev.
During The Break: Tyler Breeze attacks Parker, takes his phone back, and cuts his disgusting dreads. And still the crowd cheers him!
They’re showing these Hell in a Cell commercials during the breaks, and the John Cena one is my favorite because it’s so pointlessly hostile. They’re all “John Cena’s body was broken and torn up, and now he’s returning for REVENGE on Alberto Del Rio”. Poor ADR didn’t even DO anything! They haven’t even interacted in, what, a year? Two years?
Corey Graves v. Adrian Neville
Neville is pissed and throws chops to start and dropkicks him off the apron, then follows with his usual crazed dive. Back in, that gets two. Neville throws kicks, but Graves kicks him in the knee to take over. He goes to work on the leg and gets a kneecrusher for two. He goes to a stepover toehold variation, but Neville rolls him up for two. Graves hits the knee again and gets two. Neville is so worked up that he’s actually SPLIT HIS PANTS. That could have been embarrassing without underwear. Neville goes up, but Graves takes him down with a shot to the knee and hooks him in Lucky 13 to finish at 7:07. See, he hurt the knee, worked it over, and then used it to finish. Why can’t the idiots who craft the main shows figure this shit out? **1/2
Next week: Paige v. Summer Rae! CJ Parker v. Tyler Breeze!
The Pulse
Totally worth the 12 hour wait.
Week in and week out, this show gives me exactly what I want from pro wrestling.
ReplyDeleteThe Cena Cell ad reminds me of Homer fighting Drederick Tatum.
ReplyDeleteTatum vs. Simpson: PAYBACK...for a guy he's never even met.
Scott I really think you should tone down the hate for the pink ribbon stuff.
ReplyDeleteIsnt Dusty Rhodes head booker or someone else?
ReplyDelete"See, he hurt the knee, worked it over, and then used it to finish. Why can’t the idiots who craft the main shows figure this shit out?"
ReplyDeleteIsn't Del Rio's whole thing working the arm/shoulder then hitting the arm bar?
You hear that Ripner you get a Christmas card from Scott!
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, I believe Homer was the avatar for "society" in those spots.
ReplyDeleteThat episode had one of my favorite gags of all-time, when Homer comes out to "Why Can't We Be Friends?"
Why? It's mindless pandering for an organization (Komen) who are less than reputable.
ReplyDeleteI just think there are much more legitimate criticisms to point out than a company supporting cancer awareness, "pandering" or not.
ReplyDeleteYay Me! Getting prepped to head out to the next tapings tonight at the moment actually.
ReplyDeleteI think we're all as aware of cancer as we're gonna be at this point.
ReplyDeleteWell they are really only supporting Breast Cancer Awarness because "BOOBIES". Also the Komen foundation is a little dirty with their money.
ReplyDeleteDusty is the booker, yes.
ReplyDeleteI mean, it's not like it's a meaningless "Special Cause of The Month", right? There will totally be follow-up material on their website and during their tv broadcasts, right?
ReplyDeleteIt's not like it's all for the company's own image, so it CAN'T be pandering.
On the version I watched the Graves beatdown came after the Divas match. Odd.
ReplyDeletethe idea of corey graves as a suit wearing suave heal seems really weird. like, good on them for trying to strip away whatever might be appealing, but no one really likes corey graves anyhow, so just leave him as a smarmy greasy shit.
ReplyDeleteHow about showcasing the promising NXT guys in an old-school Survivor Series match next month? Even if it's just the "Pre-Show" match? Might be a way to see how the Sami Zayns of the world play to a larger audience?
ReplyDelete'OPPONENT'
ReplyDeleteCancer 'awareness'??
ReplyDeleteThe Komen Foundation has spent millions in dollars marketing themselves, forcing organizations like the WWE and NFL kowtow to them and cutting deals with KFC and any other company looking to profit off of cancer. Because nothing says "live healthy, fight cancer" quite like a bucket of fried chicken.
If cancer awareness is such an issue, why does Komen sue any other charity that uses the words 'for the cure' ?
I think by now we're aware of breast cancer. How about the Komen Foundation actually use some of their donations toward researching a cure?
If the WWE truly cared about breast cancer they would donate all the proceeds from their pink merchandise - and donate it to an organization that actually is working towards curing it instead of using it as way to market their brand.
Cuz man, OUTRAGE!!!
ReplyDeleteWhenever I read the name "Corey Graves", I think of Lisa's Corey hotline.
ReplyDeleteI really did not like they were playing the "punk" thing was all an act. And if you are going to sell that story when come out with new ring gear not the same "punk" gear you have been using.
ReplyDeleteYay! I get a Christmas card!
ReplyDelete"These arm sleeves and belly button tat are all just a part of an intricate prank I've pulled."
ReplyDeletethat said, if he just needed time to get some real tights instead of the dumb jeggings, that's fair, I suppose.
NICE heel heat from JBL on Renee. I actually did get miffed. You don't tell Renee what to do, ya big meanie!
ReplyDeleteReading this reminded me of the Heavenly Bodies v. RnR Express match at Survivor Series 93. You could hear a pin drop the whole time.
ReplyDeleteI don't think throwing 8-10 guys out there who are completely unknown to the audience and asking them to fill 20-30 minutes is really a good way to go.
ReplyDelete"If the WWE truly cared about breast cancer they would donate all the proceeds from their pink merchandise - and donate it to an organization that actually is working towards curing it"
ReplyDeleteNow if only there was an organization actually DOING THAT then we'd be going places. ;)
Rusev is a COMMUNIST?!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83tnWFojtcY
I just saw the Indy wet dream match at NXT and it was amazing. I need a towel.
ReplyDeleteWhen the cameraman gets a hold of Bo to ask the question and he responds with the most enthusiastic HEY! in history, my sides just about split.
ReplyDeleteBo is a fucking riot as the world's most self-sincere tool.
I've only watched a bit of NXT (I will try to catch up on Hulu) - but the thing I like most is that everyone just seems to be having fun. The announcers are having fun, the audience is having fun and that carries over to me the viewer even if the matches aren't always great.
ReplyDeleteThe main difference here is that unlike ADR, Graves appeared to have at least 5 people give a shit about his match.
ReplyDeleteCena is still mad about ADR running over Santa Claus... he wants more REVENGE.. he could care less about the curtain jerking World title
ReplyDelete"Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory. Story. Allegory. Montessori."
ReplyDeleteTheir should be a "Save the Cocks" campaign for prostate cancer.
ReplyDeleteI saw that ad earlier and it pissed me off. Hey, you're having a match for your top title that has been vacant for a month and a half in an angle that has been the main focus of the company for about 3 months. But lets not even mention that, lets only mention Cena in a match against someone that no one gives a fuck about for a title that no one gives a fuck about. Shit like that makes me lose hope that this company will ever turn it around from a "creative"/booking perspective.
ReplyDeleteI think the thing I like most is how refreshing the divas division is. The women get time to wrestle and the heels don't just get over by calling the faces ugly etc and the heels don't have to be humiliated to get the faces over.
ReplyDeleteThey're treated as equals and an example as to how women's wrestling can be done.
This time...it's for money.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, the Komen Foundation are even worse than PETA on the exploitation scale. As much as some of us love to bash PETA, at least some of their money actually goes towards helping animals.
ReplyDeleteWhy should he? He sees it for what it is - shameless me too faux activism that involves one of the least reputable "foundations" in the country.
ReplyDeleteI've said it before and I'll say it again....Bo Dallas is everything Cena should be. Bo thinks the audience loves him, but everyone thinks he's a dick, much like Cena. Bo plays his character better then almost anyone else in the WWE. This kid could be huge if given the chance, but he probably just wind up fodder for Cena in the long run. One last thing, I love me some Emma, that girl is smoking hot! Easily the hottest woman in wrestling alongside Paige, Renee and Bayley!
ReplyDeleteTotally agreed on Emma. I literally just started watching NXT with this episode based on the praise for the show, and I've become obsessed. With the show, that is. Just burning through them all. But Emma is a weekly highlight, and Paige is a close second.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya man. Honestly, I could care less about WWE these days. Summerslam was awesome, but an anomaly. There's far better wrestling available, with less bullshit.
ReplyDeleteI haven't watched any WWE since the Raw a week after the night after WM. I mean, I've watched quite a few matches on Youtube that I heard were good (BTW, Punk/Brock was really good but not *****), but haven't seen a show over the air/totally legally watched PPV) since then. Part of it is that I work Sunday and Monday night, but the other thing is that, yeah, I don't care. Bryan/Orton? Sure, Bryan is a great worker and I like him and hope he can become the next Cena (drawing wise, not booking wise), but I'm not a huge mark for him or anything, and I don't want to see Orton, or HHH, or Steph, or Vince on my TV at all. Punk is also a good worker, but between the sXe thing and him seeming to be a total asshole I find it hard to really give a fuck either way about him. And they're storylines suck, for the most part. Of course, I'm mainly an ROH/indy guy, where it usually more of the sports part of sports entertainment.
ReplyDeleteHa, the subjectiveness of it all...Brock/Punk is one of my favorite matches of the past ten years, easy. I think i gave it nine stars after first viewing.
ReplyDeleteI'm slowly turning into total Puro guy. When I can understand all of the major storylines of NJPW despite the language barrier(Plus, it doesn't fuck me around the night after), plus the constant amazing matches...well, not much left over here for me.