Impact
Wrestling
Date:
November 28, 2013
Location:
Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators:
Mike Tenay, Tazz
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
It's
the Thanksgiving episode tonight and the main story is an eight man
elimination tag with Team Roode vs. Team Angle. No word on who will
actually be on each team, but it shouldn't be that hard to figure
out. We should also get some buildup for the remaining tournament
matches. Let's get to it.
Here's
Dixie to open things up. With the southern accent rolling she talks
about how things have gotten so crazy around here lately that she
needs some help. Therefore, here's hew new Chief of Staff: Rockstar
Spud. He's from British Boot Camp and OVW in case that name means
nothing to you. Spud immediately sucks up to Dixie and says Impact
would be nothing without her. The roster is put on notice that he's
watching them and that Carter is the queen.
This
brings us to the tournament matches. First up we've got Jeff Hardy
vs. Bobby Roode and the Wheel of Dixie has made that a tables match.
Angle vs. Magnus on the other hand is a last man standing match.
That's all on that front as Dixie talks about the winners of the
matches tonight getting a feast while the losers get nothing. You
can see the food fight from here. Finally here's Ethan Carter III to
suck up to his aunt a bit before his match.
Ethan
Carter III vs. Curry Man
The
camera is lower than usual here. Curry Man is Christopher Daniels as
the mascot of a Japanese curry company. He rants in Japanese a lot
and is slammed down a lot as the bell rings. Carter slams the masked
head into the mat a few times while telling him how rich he is. We
hit a camel clutch and a YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chant breaks out.
A
clothesline and a suplex get two for Carter but Curry Man comes back
with some forearms and dodges a splash. The jobber comeback is short
lived though as he goes to the top and gets punched in the jaw,
allowing Carter to slam him down. The One Percenter is good for the
pin on Curry Man at 3:37.
Rating:
D. I like Carter and it's a
good idea to bring in some slightly bigger names for him to beat up.
Curry Man is going to be a one off or two off character at most and
there's nothing wrong with that. Carter is actually nailing this
character and that could mean good things for him down the line.
Carter
does his catchphrase post match.
We
look back at Gunner costing Storm the match last week by throwing in
the towel.
Gunner
is in the back and will be part of Team Angle tonight. Storm comes
in and will be on the team too because whatever problems he has with
Gunner can be dealt with on off hours. Gunner says he did what he
thought was best last week but Storm doesn't want to hear it. More
on this later I'm sure.
The
Bro Mans are with their new DJ Zema Ion when ODB and Eric Young come
up. The tag champions aren't interested in being in the Turkey Bowl
tonight, but they'll take the match upon hearing their opponents:
Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes.
Velvet
Sky vs. Lei'D Tapa
Tapa
sends her into the corner to start and runs her over, only to have
Velvet avoid a charge and get in a few forearms. Gail trips her up
though, only to be ejected from the arena. Tapa runs her over again
and chokes a lot before kicking Velvet in the face to put her down
again. The fireman's carry into a Stunner ends Velvet at 3:35.
Rating:
D. Total squash here which
doesn't really do much for the division right now. There just isn't
anything going on other than Gail, so why have the bodyguard destroy
a former star of the division? My guess is they're setting up Tapa
as the big challenger for Gail, but does anyone want to see that?
Video
on the Turkey Bowl, a match where the loser wears a turkey suit.
Dewey
Barnes/Norv Fernum vs. Bro Mans
This
is the Turkey Bowl match with Turkey Bowl bosses ODB and Eric Young
at ringside. The Bro Mans now have DJ Zema Ion introducing them
which is as good of a job for him as anything else. Robbie rants
about how amazing the champions are as Zema does sound effects. The
bell rings and the jobbers get rollups for two each, but a Hart
Attack ends Barnes at 18 seconds.
Post
match the losers are put in the turkey suits while Robbie makes
turkey sounds and forces them to dance. The goons seem to enjoy it.
We
get another video of AJ in Mexico, talking about what an honor it is
to defend the title.
Dixie freaks out and gives AJ one week to give the title back or the legal options begin. What would wrestling be without a legal threat every week?
Roode
with with his team: Chris Sabin and Bad Influence. Jokes are made
but Roode wants them serious.
Spud
hassles the caterer about the Thanksgiving feast tonight.
Angle
and Magnus agree to team up tonight but beat each other up for a shot
at the title next week.
We
get a video on Anderson beating ray last week to end Aces and 8's.
It's
time for a funeral for Aces and 8's, held in a funeral home with some
Main Event Mafia members, Mike Tenay (in orange subglasses) and Eric
Young as the only people there. Joe eats cookies while Young cries.
No one has anything to say but Anderson pops out of the casket. He
says he was trapped in the team for a year, meaning he rode
motorcycles a lot and was part of many many many many many many many
many segments on the show. He also thanks Hulk (not named) for
sending over a delicious deli plate.
Angle
wishes D'Lo the best and throws a bobble head into the casket in his
memory. Joe swallows whatever he's eating and talks about the Aces
hiding behind masks which they should have kept on. He has a six
pack which symbolizes the only way to look at the bikers without
masks on. Joe hands them out instead of throwing them in the casket
(making sure not to give one to Kurt in a nice touch). “To the
Aces and 8's: may they ride their mopeds to the shores of Valhalla.”
Tenay
talks about Tazz being at the broadcast table with him but buries
Tazz's cut and Brooke's shorts. The shorts wind up in Tenay's pocket
of course. Eric is up next and buries one of the turkey suits,
sending him into a fit of crying. Anderson goes last and thinks
about putting in Ray's hammer but says he'll keep it since it's a
perfectly good hammer. Ray comes I and tells Anderson to sleep with
one eye open in the best interest of his pregnant wife. Ray calls
death the final awakening and leaves. Really fun segment here,
though it was better in 2005 when they held one for Team 3D and
really cranked up the jokes.
Video
on Angle being part of One Direction Day, a charity event. Angle had
a quick match against a masked man which can be seen on the One
Direction Day website if you're interested.
Spud
yells about food some more.
Team
Angle vs. Team Roode
Bobby
Roode, Chris Sabin, Bad Influence
Kurt
Angle, Magnus, James Storm, Gunner
Elimination
rules. The captains get things going with both submissions quickly
being escaped, giving us a standoff. Bad Influence comes in at the
same time so Angle clotheslines them down, sending Daniels to the
floor. Off to Magnus for some forearms before he cranks on the arm
for a bit. Storm comes in to pound on the legal Daniels before
bringing Gunner in for a clothesline/Russian legsweep combo for two.
Gunner is sent out to the floor where Kaz and Sabin get in some cheap
shots and the heels take over.
Back
in and Sabin works over Gunner for a bit, only to quickly tag in Bad
Influence. Gunner runs them over and slams Daniels down, allowing
for the hot tag to Storm. The corner enziguri puts Daniels down and
it's a Backstabber for Christopher and a Closing Time to Sabin. Last
Call drops Kaz but Sabin grabs a rollup to eliminate Storm.
Magnus
comes in for the first time and clotheslines Sabin down before
bringing in Daniels for some chops to the chest. Magnus charges into
a boot in the corner though, allowing for the tag back to Kaz. Bad
Influence double teams Magnus down for two but Magnus coms back with
a quick slam. A double tag brings in Kaz and Gunner with the
tattooed one catching Kaz in an Irish Curse backbreaker. There's the
Gun Rack but Daniels breaks it up. The High/Low is enough to get rid
of Gunner and get us down to 4-2.
It's
Magnus in for the good guys but Daniels easily takes him down and
works him over. Magnus fights up from his knees before hiptossing
Daniels out to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Daniels
down but Magnus hurts his knee. The medical staff comes out to check
on him as we take a break. Back with Magnus gone, meaning it's 4-1.
The
heels hit a series of legdrops on Angle with Sabin getting a two
count. Angle grabs a quick cradle but Daniels has the referee to
prevent a count. Kurt fights up and takes out as many bad guys as he
can with clotheslines before suplexing Roode and Sabin out of their
shoes. In a very impressive power and stamina display, Angle hits
ELEVEN Rolling Germans on everyone not named Sabin, including one to
Bad Influence at the same time.
An
Angle Slam puts Sabin down and there's the ankle lock to Kaz.
Daniels tries to break it up so there's a double ankle lock to
Daniels and Kaz at the same time. Roode brings in a chair but gets
caught in an Angle Slam. Kurt blasts Roode with the chair for the DQ
at 18:18.
Rating:
C. This was more about the
story than the match, but man alive did Angle look awesome out there.
Those German suplexed were impressive and the one to Bad Influence
looked awesome. The opening stuff was there to fill in time but
that's fine for something like this. Fun match.
Team
Roode celebrates in the back with Roode saying Angle can't beat him.
Storm
wants to know why Gunner didn't save him in the tag match. Gunner
wants to know if they have plans as a team and walks off. Storm says
no one dictates the futures of Storm and Gunner.
Video
on the final four in the tournament.
The
Carters aren't thrilled with the idea of eating Spud's feast so
they'll be heading to Texas for their Thanksgiving.
Here
are all of the winners of the matches tonight plus Velvet who is with
Sabin. Roode points this out and Sabin throws Velvet out. Bobby
asks everyone what they're thankful for. Bad Influence is thankful
for their intelligence and large endowment. Kaz is thankful that
Park isn't here to drink the gravy or fornicate with the pumpkin pie.
Gail is thankful for being the prettiest and most dominant Knockout
in the history of the company. Oh and her family too.
Sabin
is thankful for his hair, being the best X-Division Champion ever and
Velvet Sky. The Bro Mans are thankful for Mr. O Phil Heath, Zema Ion
(officially part of the team) and for being the best team ever. Bad
Influence: “I'm not sure about that.” Roode says the real
Thanksgiving was last month in Canada and the fans will be thankful
when he becomes the next champion.
It's
time to eat but here's Angle to interrupt. He sees a ring full of
turkeys, which are fighting words for the people in there. Roode
challenges him to a fight which Angle accepts, and here's his backup.
Fernum and Barnes are still in the turkey suits. You can fill in
the blanks yourself here: bad guys are destroyed, food is everywhere,
Spud panics, turkeys fly. The good guys, Velvet and ODB celebrate to
end the show.
Overall
Rating: D+. This was a go home
show for next week's regular Impact and there's nothing wrong with
that. No one was going to be watching tonight, so why waste anything
important on this show? It's a Thanksgiving special so why not just
do some fun stuff and have a big comedy moment to end the show? We
can get to the important stuff later on and that's the right move all
around.
Results
Ethan
Carter III b. Curry Man – One Percenter
Lei'D
Tapa b. Velvet Sky – Fireman's carry into a Stunner
Bro
Mans b. Dewey Barnes/Norv Fernum – Hart Attack to Barnes
Team
Roode b. Team Angle, last eliminating Angle via DQ when Angle used a
chair
Remember to pick up my new book on the History of In Your House at Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GV3KXSE
And head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6