The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 11.20.13
Actually up at the stroke of midnight tonight!
Taped from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Byron Saxton, Alex Riley & William Regal
Bo Dallas RETURNS to let us know that everywhere he goes, everybody loves Bo. And he’s got a slideshow to prove it! He sports-entertained in front of a crowd of 300,000 in Cambodia! Against Justin Gabriel. (He won.) Justin’s a good kid, though. He’s in such a good mood, it’s COOKIES FOR EVERYONE! Perhaps lured out by the promise of cookies, JBL joins us to add his kudos, but Sami Zayn interrupts to resume the most awesome feud that no one is watching. He wants another shot at the title now that he’s off suspension, although JBL points out that you can’t just say “With all due respect” and then insult someone. But because he’s about what’s best for business, JBL reinstates him. Sami’s got no problem starting from the bottom again, so JBL makes a Beat the Clock challenge tonight for the #1 contendership.
Beat the Clock Challenge: Colin Cassady v. Alexander Rusev
Lana makes her official debut here as Rusev’s manager, and the Beat the Clock stips seem to play well to Rusev’s talents for destroying geeks like Colin in record time. Really, with Enzo on the shelf for the long haul, Cassady is gonna be an enhancement guy for a long while. Rusev calmly pounds away for two and puts him down with a shoulder tackle for two. Headbutt gets two. More headbutts get two. I like that he’s constantly trying for pins. Rusev goes up and misses a dive, allowing Cassday to make his Edge Jr. comeback. High knee gets two. Elbowdrop gets two. Blind charge hits the post, and Rusev sends him into another one for good measure before putting him out of his misery with the camel clutch…but Cassady makes the ropes! Rusev pounds him in the corner and throws him around for two, and another try at the Accolade finishes at 5:33. Thankfully the on-screen clock means that I don’t need to use the iPad stopwatch tonight. Nice effort from Cassady. **
Meanwhile, Adrian Neville discusses his match with Corey Graves last week.
Meanwhile, Bayley laments the loss of her robot partner Charlotte.
Beat the Clock Challenge: Tyler Breeze v. Kassius Ohno
I guess we can figure out who’s winning this one. So 5:33 is the goal. Breeze gets a cheapshot and slugs him down for two, but Ohno gets a rollup for two. Backslide gets two. Breeze puts him on the floor with an enzuigiri and uses up lots of time trying to haul him back in, which finally gets two. That was a lot of 10-counts missed there by not taking the countout win. William Regal is FLUSTERED by the whole thing. Breeze pounds away and stomps him down for two, but the leg lariat misses and Ohno gets two. Sunset flip gets two. Breeze rolls him up for two, reversed for two. They do another pinfall reversal and Ohno gets the pin with 0:45 left to set the new pace time of 4:48. Geez, jobbing to a guy who’s about to be fired, ouch. Breeze is improving rapidly and this was a lot of fun. **1/2
Hunico & Camacho v. John J. Hornigan & Chris Rothwell
Hunico literally finishes one of the jobbers at 10 seconds with a swanton. And their post-match promo indicates that they’re the next challenge for The Ascension.
Meanwhile, Kassius celebrates his win, but Lana is upset that her man is eliminated, which sets up a program we won’t get the payoff to.
Beat the Clock Challenge: Adrian Neville v. Aiden English
They are fucking insane if this is anything but a draw. Neville throws uppercuts, but English takes him down with a snapmare for two. Neville with a dropkick for two, but English gets a suplex for two. Legdrop gets two. Neville fights back with chops, but English slugs him on the mat and gets two. Neville gets the jawbreaker and Mr. Regal is getting flustered by wanting to get back into the action again. Neville goes up and English escapes and gets a neckbreaker for two. They fight to the top and Neville hits the Red Arrow for the pin at 4:45. Damn, they shouldn’t be beating English yet, let him keep squashing guys and singing for a while. Another fun, fast-paced match. **1/2
Beat the Clock Challenge: Sami Zayn v. Leo Kruger
Sami gets a pair of rollups for two, but Kruger puts him down for two. Snap suplex gets two. Sami comes out of the corner with a crossbody for two, but Kruger forearms him for two. Elbow gets two. Kruger keeps working the count, which I love to see, and goes to the cravat. Sami makes the comeback with a dropkick for two, but the running boot misses and Kruger rolls him up for two. Kruger with a spinebuster for two. Lariat gets two. Kruger gets sloppy, however, and Sami rolls him up with a crucifix for the pin at…4:45? This would seem to indicate controversy given the pin came at exactly the expiration of time, so JBL comes out and declares that we do NOT have controversy in his show, so next week it’s Sami v. Neville for the title shot to settle it. **1/4 I have no idea why no one on the RAW team ever thought of that finish to a Beat the Clock deal before, because it’s pretty great. And you’ll note that instead of belittling him and killing his momentum like some OTHER bearded indy darlings, Sami gets more and more over as a babyface the more he gets screwed over. Because, see, NXT isn’t booked by chimps.
The Pulse
This show FLEW by. I didn’t even realize it was back to an hour again, because it was fast-paced, fun, and set up a fuck-ton of new programs while advancing a couple of others in an hour. SIXTY MINUTES! RAW hasn’t even been able to announce more than 5 matches for the shitty PPV in four three-hour shows!
Yeah, it's funny, because Nagata was GOD to puro-dorks for a number of years. Now it looks like he was actually just a bland placeholder until better, more charismatic wrestlers would come along.
ReplyDeleteI say we make sequels to other classic movies...
ReplyDelete"Casablanca 2 Tales of the Gay Rights Movement: They Thought it was the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship... It Turned Out to be the Beginning of so Much More"
Good review btw
ReplyDeleteMy problem is the same I have with almost all foreign wrestlers brought in: there's no reason to care about them. Yeah guys like Nagata and all the Dragon Gate guys were successful, but the vast majority of American audiences has never heard of them before. Just telling us that they're great doesn't do anything. By far the two most famous Japanese guys in American wrestling are Muta and Liger and that's because they got to show off in America for a long time. WCW never quite got that with a lot of their Japanese guys in this era.
ReplyDeleteE.T. 2: E.T.'s Revenge. He ain't just calling home.
ReplyDeleteYou have to know your audience.
ReplyDeleteThe words "former IWGP champion" means something to cult indy fans.
It Means shit to the general population
I be
ReplyDeleteThelma & Louise 2: Over The Edge
ReplyDeleteCameo by Owen Hart? Too soon?
ReplyDeleteThe flashier guys would have less of a problem. Yuji Nagata was bland and had no highspots at all. All he had were kicks and slow submission wrestling- NOT a good way to get over with crowds if you have no charisma.
ReplyDelete"Hunger Games 2: The Exact Same Thing Happens But This Time We aid Jennifer Lawrence A Lot More Money So PLEASE Come See It"
ReplyDeleteWait that one is real
Hate to say this, but I'm reading reports that state that the Rangers are in on the Cano sweepstakes, AND the David Price impending trade. So good luck rest of the West.
ReplyDeleteGhandi 2: Mahatma's Revenge
ReplyDeleteVery, very true. It's why I get so bored with the battles of the karate guys. They do almost nothing but kick each other and it doesn't work at all.
ReplyDeleteGood idea to point out the difference between the original and the sequel. It's a great way to just show the inferiority of the sequel in all facets. Professionals made the original, total fucking hacks made the sequel. Oh, and the sequel was made as a complete cash grab.
ReplyDeleteWhoever green-lighted this idea has no taste, and no respect for the classics.
Coming soon: Old Yeller 2 - lightning strikes the grave of Old Yeller, bringing him back to life...and hell bent for revenge.
Good review, but this was waaaaay too long for this movie. I'm not sure what was written faster, this review or the script. Leaning toward the former.
ReplyDeleteI just can't get over the fact that someone thinks it's a good idea to name a male wrestler Tyler Breeze. I mean, Dolph Ziggler is amazingly dumb too, but at least his name is kind of tough sounding.
ReplyDeleteAn authority - sympathetic babyface storyline Dusty Rhodes is booking on the back of a napkin is better than the one a team of writers has done. Yup. I can't even be mad because I get to watch it.
ReplyDeleteNXT is booked like an indy.
ReplyDeleteI Love indy booking.
Whatever, I imagine Langston's just going to drop the IC belt to Barrett as soon as Wade finishes marrying Zack Ryder and gets his green card.
ReplyDeleteThreadjack City: Just watched the 50 year history of WWE doc. It's fucking amazing. It's a miracle they pulled it off with a 2 hour run time. Steroid and Owen chapters were the best part. And they got fresh interviews with just about everybody. And the subtle trolling of Superstar Billy Graham and Eric Bischoff were hilarious.
ReplyDeleteTyler Breeze is a great name for a midcard heel.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading the WrestleCrap induction and just being...appalled. Christ, I know actors need jobs, but I hope crapping on such a classic made them feel dirty.
ReplyDeleteSigh. At least we don't watch it and can still watch the flawless classic.
Also, "Jingle All the Way". I admit to being a legitimate fan of that movie, God help me.
I don't know if I'd mind a triple threat match in this instance, because Zayn and Neville are both pretty great.
ReplyDeleteIt's a much better name for one of those chicks that you see on Bangbus, or one of those THERE IS NO JOB... casting flicks.
ReplyDeletebut... Tyler Breeze isn't supposed to be tough? he's supposed to be an effeminate softy who is obsessed with his phone. So the name serves its purpose.
ReplyDeleteI mean, the issue isn't with the names themselves, it's with these dudes being stuck with them forever. As bad as the Curtis Axel run was, I do like the precedent of someone coming out and being all "lol, this name is stupid, I'm not Michael McGillicutty now."
Can anyone guess what the MOTY canidate is for the next episode now :P One more week, can't wait to see it again.
ReplyDeleteNever saw A Summer Story, but I remembering liking Haven of Bliss when I saw it many years ago.
ReplyDeleteTyler Breeze is a perfectly acceptable name, especially for his character.
ReplyDeleteFucking retarded.
ReplyDeleteGuessing it's not Bayley-Charlotte...
ReplyDeleteStar Wars 7: The Force of Liscensed Merchandise.
ReplyDeleteoh wait, that one is real.
Bo Dallas has become the MVP of being awesomely delusional.
ReplyDeleteSpaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
ReplyDeleteCome on Mel, make this happen already.
Then why ruin things by putting Bo in there?
ReplyDeleteSomebody call Triple H.
ReplyDeleteI think Scott said it best. NXT is booked, not written.
ReplyDeleteThey can still have a great match. And then you have good follow-up with one of them wrestling Bo.
ReplyDeleteSee that's my problem with some of these contrived Triple Threats - why have one match with a good angle when you can have two matches with a good angle? You can have them Zayn and Neville wrestle. If Zayn wins, he wrestles Bo. And you if you want to have a Zayn-Neville feud, you can have Neville interfere to keep that going, while Bo keeps being delusional about how good he is. It just writes itself.
It fits his character, and if he's good enough he can still go down a different route and keep the same name (remember "Hunter Hearst Helmsley", Greenwich blueblood?).
ReplyDeleteThe problem with names like 'Michael McGillicutty" and so many other names is that they're incredibly bland and generic. They have no personality. "Tyler Breeze" at least is a name with a personality, and when you're introducing a new wrestler having a personality you can grab onto is so important.
"Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza" is my favorite wrestling hold name ever.
ReplyDeleteThis is where a Honky Tonk Man training visit to the Performance Center would be great.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure there's a worse ring announcer in wrestling than the girl they've got doing the introductions here.
ReplyDeleteI need this Bo Dallas on the main roster. His delusional babyface bit is outstanding. (Although I sort of expect smarky crowds to chant "Wy-att's bro-ther! Clap clap, clap-clap-clap" or some other bullshit to get themselves over)
ReplyDeleteHeh...I know. Once I start writing, I can't stop...
ReplyDeleteWhich could happen, with the overrated zombie craze and all...also, they DID do Marley sequels.
ReplyDeleteIt almost happened. With BENNIFER.
ReplyDeleteMore like Star Wars Episode VII: At Least It Won't Be the Prequels.
ReplyDeleteYeah, well this story was what inspired me to revisit my ACS2 review from last year and submit it for the BOD.
ReplyDeleteThanks Scott for putting my review here...
ReplyDeleteYeah I'd be interested in revisiting them as Shep was involved with both.
ReplyDeleteYes, Ahnuld is always good for both intentional AND unintentional entertainment.
ReplyDeleteHere's something I fear...TBS trying to foist ACS2 into the ACS marathon this Christmas.
Two things stood out for me in this episode:
ReplyDelete1. WCW's manufactured heat for Goldberg.
2. The incessant motorcade that brought back images of the Hollywood Backlot Brawl at WM XII.
None of that would benefit HHH or Cena
ReplyDeleteNow THAT is scary. We'll still see if they can buy a title. Hasn't worked for them yet, and it's turned out shitty for the Angels, too.
ReplyDeleteHow in the hell did Jake Lloyd NOT know at the end that Turbo Man was his father? How many other muscular Austrian dudes did he think lived in that town?
ReplyDeleteTo quote The Other Old Man, NOT ONLY NO BUT HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #PawnStars
ReplyDeleteHa I thought I was the only one who found "Jingle All the Way" a guilty pleasure. I more remember it as the movie my little brother was into and I enjoyed watching it with him as it was kind of his generations version of a Christmas Story.
ReplyDeleteYeah but Jennifer Lawrence is hot so who gives a fuck!
ReplyDeleteEh. I grant her the title of hot on a per appearance basis. I have seen her be hot and I have seen her not be attractive at all... its really up to her to earn my approval.
ReplyDelete