by Logan Scisco
-The presidential
sex scandal parodies continue, as Sunny is dressed like Marilyn Monroe and
sings “Happy Birthday” to Classie Freddie Blassie. It was Blassie’s eightieth birthday.
-The D-Generation X
beatdown of Steve Austin on last week’s show is recapped in a video package.
-Jim Ross, Kevin
Kelly, and Michael Cole are in the booth and they are taped from Evansville,
Indiana. I will be really happy when we
get rid of this three man commentary team in hour one. Listening to it is like Ross fighting a
verbal handicap match.
-Steve Austin comes
out with a white bag and calls out WWF Champion Shawn Michaels, but D-Generation
X appears on the Titantron. Michaels
says he calls the shot in the WWF and Austin will face him on his schedule. Michaels says that Austin needs to give him a
reason to come to the ring and Austin says he should because he has the WWF
title. Michaels blows that off, but
realizes that a toy belt is in his bag and becomes irate. Austin says that he will be easy to find if
Michaels wants his belt back. Sometimes
the simple stuff is all you need to do to in order to tell a great story and
that’s all this did. 1 for 1
-Call 815-734-1161
to get your RAW is War varsity jacket for $199.99 (plus $21 shipping & handling)! I really want to know how many people bought this thing at that price.
-Sunny comes out to
do guest ring announcing duties for our next match.
-Opening
Contest: Jeff Jarrett & Barry
Windham (w/The Rock N’ Roll Express & Jim Cornette) beat The Legion of Doom
by disqualification when Bradshaw interferes at 4:59:
The announcers barely talk about the Legion of Doom
losing to the NWA faction two weeks ago and Cole tries to sell this match as
some kind of new attraction. Of course,
Jarrett and Windham lost on last week’s show to Bradshaw and Flash Funk, so
they don’t seem in line for a push. The
LOD’s storyline continues to be “are these guys too old?” When all hell breaks loose, Hawk ends up on
the arena floor and the NWA faction works over his knee before tossing him back
into the ring. Jarrett proceeds to apply
a figure-four, but Hawk is not going to submit to break character so Bradshaw
does the predictable run-in and although he never touches anyone in the NWA
faction that costs the LOD the match by disqualification. That makes no sense to Sunny, who seems confused
announcing the result. With the piped in
crowd noise, you would think this was the main event of WrestleMania. Rating: *½ (1 for 2)
-D-Generation X is
shown talking about a plan to get the WWF title back from Steve Austin.
-Henry Godwinn
(w/Phineas Godwinn) pins Pierre (w/Jacques) when Phineas hits Pierre with a
slop bucket at 4:24:
The Quebecers and Godwinns began a small feud on the most
recent edition of Shotgun Saturday Night and are booked to face each other at
No Way Out, so this offers a preview of what is come. Of course, why these teams are booked against each other makes little sense, since both are heels and are not over. Pierre nearly kills himself with a plancha
and he hits a flying leg drop, which Kelly says he stole from Brian
Christopher. To be fair, Pierre was
technically a pirate in 1995, so that’s not a stretch. This match is decent for a big man match, but
the finish is silly as Jacques trips Henry and Henry conveniently puts his head
through the ropes to get hit by a slop bucket.
Phineas then hits Pierre with his bucket after Jacques distracts the referee
by running from Phineas. Got that? Rating:
*¾ (1 for 3)
-Chyna walks in on
the Los Boricuas poker game and speaks to them in Spanish about helping out
with Steve Austin. Lost in this
translation is how to cheat the paying customer and replace Savio Vega with
Shawn Michaels in the eight man tag match main event at No Way Out.
-Shawn Michaels
yelling at Steve Austin last week is the Western Union Rewind segment.
-“Too Sexy” Brian
Christopher & El Pantera beat Taka Michinoku & Aguila when Pantera pins
Michinoku after a flying headbutt at 5:28 shown:
Now, you might remember that Pantera beat Christopher two
weeks ago and Lawler slapped him, so it would make little sense for them to be
partners. However, on a recent episode
of Shotgun Saturday Night, Pantera turned against Michinoku since they are
facing each other for the light heavyweight title at No Way Out, so they are
teaming up now. You can tell that all of
this is booked on the fly because Pantera debuted two weeks ago, so they should
have just made him a heel and avoided these problems. This has a fast start, but Christopher makes
sure he slows that to a crawl when he gets involved. This has a good finish, as Christopher’s
attempt to hit Michinoku with a foreign object fails, but Pantera puts it in
his mask, makes a blind tag, and headbutts Michinoku to capture the victory and
set himself up as a threat for No Way Out.
This had its moments if you exclude Christopher’s involvement. Rating: **¼ (2 for 4)
-Kane and Paul
Bearer come out and Bearer complains about Vader using a fire extinguisher on
Kane last week. Bearer gives Kane a
Vader clock and Kane uses his magical powers to set it on fire. Bearer promises that the Undertaker will not
be at No Way Out because the Undertaker is gone. If the clock fire had been more impressive
I’d give this a point, but it was pretty weak sauce. 2 for
5
-The Rock hitting
the Rock Bottom on Tom Brandi on Shotgun Saturday Night is the Footaction Slam
of the Week.
-Jerry Lawler joins
Jim Ross in the booth as we enter hour two.
-The Rock &
Faarooq (w/The Nation of Domination) beat Ken Shamrock & Chainz (w/The
Disciples of Apocalypse & Ahmed Johnson) when Faarooq pins Shamrock after
the Rock hits Shamrock with a chair at 4:21:
This is our last exhibition bout before the “war of
attrition” ten man tag match at No Way Out.
Before the match, the Rock makes clear that he is in favor of cloning as
long as it is done very, very selectively and that means no one in Evansville
should be cloned. In fact, the Rock says
only he should be cloned because he’s the “best damn Intercontinental champion
there ever was.” They should have just
booked the Rock against the Honky Tonk Man to settle that question once and for
all. Chainz finds himself in peril and
when Shamrock gets the tag he cleans house and puts Faarooq in the ankle
lock. However, the referee is busy
sorting out a fight between the factions at ringside and the Rock gets a chair
and delivers a sick shot to help his team win.
After the match, Shamrock snaps and suplexes the referee and Chainz and
his team has to restrain him. Rating:
** (3 for 6)
-Footage from the
WrestleMania XIV press conference is shown.
Vince McMahon announces that the main event is Shawn Michaels defending
the WWF title against Steve Austin and Mike Tyson will serve as the enforcer of
the match. Tyson puts over Bruno
Sammartino and how much he loved him as a kid.
Shawn Michaels chews out a reporter who puts down wrestling and Austin
and Michaels have a confrontation and Tyson has to get between them. This looked like a fun press conference.
-Los Boricuas and
Chyna are shown looking for Steve Austin in the locker room. Chyna finds a jobber in a towel and tosses
him into a locker.
-Steve Blackman
defeats Recon (w/Sniper) via submission to an armbar at 4:33:
This is when they gave Blackman glowing sticks and had
him put on a martial arts display before each match. Amazing how that didn’t catch on. Seconds into the match, the Jackyl’s music
hits and he descends from the rafters on a platform and cuts a promo refuting
the idea that he is a sociopath. The
promo makes it impossible to pay attention to the match, which is a shame
because it is pretty decent. Jackyl is
upset that Recon loses and slaps him.
Recon is upset, but the Jackyl turns his back and Recon backs off. I won’t rate the match, but the Jackyl’s
promo was not very entertaining and neither were the post-match antics. 3 for
7
-Call
1-900-737-4WWF to hear what former NWA champion is having negotiations with Jim
Cornette about coming into the WWF!
-The New Age Outlaws
come out in University of Kentucky t-shirts and discuss how they are getting
chills near the entrance because of last week’s dumpster incident. Billy Gunn wants to recreate it so they pull
out a dumpster and the Road Dogg narrates last week’s events. They push the dumpster off the entrance and
Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie blow up dolls are inside. Billy does CPR to the Cactus one and they
promise to hurt Cactus and Chainsaw at No Way Out. This segment effectively put over the Outlaws
as cocky, arrogant heels that you wanted to see destroyed by Cactus and
Chainsaw. 4 for 8
-Los Boricuas and
Chyna continue to look for Steve Austin in the back, but after Los Boricuas go
through some double doors, Austin chains them shut.
-Thrasher (w/Mosh)
pins The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust (w/Marc Mero, Sable & Luna
Vachon) with a schoolboy at 4:28:
Goldust has become partial to the Marilyn Manson persona,
as he is doing it again for this show.
This is another preview of a pay-per-view tag team match since the
Headbangers will face Goldust and Marc Mero at No Way Out. When the crowd starts chanting loudly for
Sable, Mero, Luna, and Goldust order her to the locker room. This match drags on until Sable comes back
out and gets into a shouting match with Luna.
When Goldust tries to confront Sable she slaps him and Thrasher takes
advantage to win. After the match, Mero
has to restrain Luna before she can mix it up with Sable. The match was not very good, but the angle
behind it had some good heat. Rating:
*¼ (5 for 9)
-D-Generation X
comes out and Shawn Michaels demands Steve Austin return what belongs to
him. Austin comes out with the title
belt, but DX flees and the New Age Outlaws wander out. Chyna grabs the belt from the canvas as
Austin faces four-on-one odds, but Chainsaw Charlie cuts through the canvas and
he and Cactus Jack come from under the ring.
Owen Hart joins in as well and DX and the New Age Outlaws flee. Nice closing segment that wetted the
audience’s appetite for the pay-per-view main event. 6 for
10
The Final Report Card: A decent “go home” show for No Way Out and I
am surprised that the eight man tag team match did not get more build in the
weeks leading up to the show. Tonight
was really the first sustained hype of the main event. Regardless, the last segment did what it was
supposed to do and the Austin-Michaels storyline for the evening was well
executed. The Sable-Mero storyline is
arguably the second best one that the company is doing right now and its
beginning to segway nicely into a mixed tag match for WrestleMania. The next RAW was held on a Saturday, February
21st, so we will recap No Way Out of Texas and go to that episode.
Monday Night War Rating: 3.2 (vs. 4.6 for Nitro)
Show Evaluation: Thumbs Up