When last we left our heroes, they were
celebrating Christmas with the troops. But now that the festive
season is basically out of the way, it's time to focus on what's
important: the Royal Rumble. Challengers must be named, participants
must declare, and the fastest hour in sports entertainment must begin
to take shape. But how will it take shape? And who steps aside to
challenge Randy Orton?
The live look-in hypes the
Intercontinental Title match between Big E Langston and Fandango, and
the Authority has some announcements to make.
The PG Era Rant for Raw, December 30,
2013.
Live from Richmond, VA.
Your hosts are Mike, John, and Jerry.
First to the ring: CM Punk! He is
FIRED UP to be here in Richmond. I don't know if you're heard, but
it's the last Raw of 2013. Punk says the year had good stuff and bad
stuff in it, but that's the same for everyone. He started off the
year as WWE Champion, faced the Rock twice, tried to take out the
Streak, made some friends, lost some friends, beat up some friends
with a kendo stick... but all in all, it wasn't his biggest year.
Heck, at best he's behind the Shield – 2013 was their year.
They've been unstoppable; they've held gold; but he wants to end 2013
with a bang and has a proposition for the Shield. That's enough to
get the Shield to appear. They enter the ring and back Punk into the
corner. Ambrose asks for a darn good reason not to beat him
senseless right then and there. Punk says there's no fun in beating
up just one guy – we KNOW the Shield can do that. But Punk wants
to fight the best, one on one. He wants the best of the Shield...
whoever it is. Ambrose agrees, and he demands Punk as he's ready to
begin right then and there... but Punk says he's already beaten
Ambrose, so can someone else step up please? Ambrose: “You think
this is funny? You think I'm a joke?” Punk: “I just think
you're the weak link and I wanna find out who the strong link is!”
He then demands Roman Reigns' attention, but Seth Rollins says HE'S
the best of the Shield and accepts the challenge. But Punk says
everyone is putting Reigns over. Reigns and Rollins argue as Ambrose
paces. We hear Rollins say it's nothing personal and he wants to
prove he's the best. The fans are voting for Reigns... and before we
get an answer, here's Brad Maddox. He wishes to remind us that he's
in charge of Raw, so... Happy New Year. He's like the new Eric
Bischoff. So Maddox says Punk will indeed face Rollins. Crowd is
unhappy with this development. The match is NOW!
CM Punk v. Seth Rollins. Punk with a
headlock, tackling down Punk and catching Rollins for a quick GTS but
Rollins bails. Reigns is unimpressed as we go to break. Rollins: “I
got him, all right? I'll take care of business.” We return with
Rollins working over Punk with rights, kicking him down in the
corner. Ambrose taunts Punk, and Rollins picks him up only to have
his whip reversed. Punk with a weak kick and a butterfly
backbreaker. Rollins elbows away Punk, but Punk goes for the Bite of
the Dragon (Rollins messed up the first try). Rollins slams Punk off
the top, getting two. Rollins stalls and stomps away on Punk,
dropping his weight on the back and going to a camel clutch. It goes
nowhere, so Rollins clubs Punk and wedgies him to his feet. Forearms
to the back follow, but Punk turns around and clubs away on Rollins.
Rollins puts his head down, and Punk does what passes for a small
package for two. Rollins knocks him down, getting two. Rollins to
the chinlock, but Punk back suplexes out of it. Blind charge by
Rollins eats boot, and Punk goes up and gets thrown into the
barricade. We take a second break now. Back again, with Punk
headbutting Rollins repeatedly into the corner, but a blind charge
hits the post. Rollins gets two. Rollins on the second rope, but
the legdrop airballs. Slugfest follows, won by Punk, who follows up
with a leg lariat and clotheslines. He fakes the spinout neckbreaker
to GTS, but Rollins tries a cradle, only for Punk to sit down for
two. Punk throws Rollins into the corner as some people in the crowd
say this is awesome. No. Punk races in, but Rollins catches him and
throws him across the ring in the turnbuckle bomb for two. Rollins:
“Just stay down!” Rollins punches away on Punk and glares at the
ref. He goes for a running stomp, but Punk misses. Rollins recovers
with an enzuigiri for two. Reigns is not impressed. Rollins signals
for GTS on Punk, and he tries it, but Punk escapes and gets the
running knee and short-arm lariat. Punk up top, and the Heartbreak
elbow... no, Rollins rolls away and suckers Punk in, sending him into
the turnbuckles with a drop toehold. Ambrose keeps taunting Punk as
Rollins goes to the top, but Punk crotches him. Punk follows up,
getting a superplex attempt, but Rollins reverses to a front suplex
drop and follows. Punk rolls through into the Anaconda Vice, and
Ambrose fakes a run-in to break. Rollins grabs Punk and goes for
something, but Punk reverses to the GTS try. Again Ambrose distracts
Punk, and Rollins with the Shiranui for two. Reigns isn't happy that
Ambrose spent too long on the apron. He even tries to blame Ambrose
TO Rollins, who just shakes his head. Naturally, Punk throws Rollins
onto the other two Shield members. Punk tries to dive, but Rollins
intercepts and springboards in... to a GTS. That's it at 17:44.
MAN, if this was Seth Rollins' big tryout, he bombed. *1/4
Commentary plays up whether the Shield cost Rollins the match.
Backstage,
Brad Maddox speaks to a referee about how important the title match
is, but the Authority interrupts. Kane is not in the building
tonight, so Maddox knows he's in charge and offers to step up. And
here comes Daniel Bryan. He demands Bray Wyatt one-on-one tonight.
Maddox, instead, offers a Wyatt Family gauntlet: Harper, Rowan, Bray
in that order. Bryan agrees. Stephanie was impressed with how he
handled it... but Stephanie can top it with the announcement of the
Royal Rumble title match.
Tribute
to the Troops Did You Know with background music called “Here's To
Us” – well, that summarizes every Did You Know.
Stephanie
is on her way to announce the match. She wishes everyone a happy new
year and talks about how it's a time for reflection. What would they
have done differently? Nothing, of course. They're McMahons;
they've done it right with a unified champion. It's time to
celebrate the champion: Randy Orton. We get a full video of Orton's
career.. On August 15, 2004, he pinned [Redacted] to be the youngest
champion ever. In 2005, he beat the Undertaker at SummerSlam. He
beat Kurt Angle in 2006, HHH in a Last Man Standing Match in 2007, he
won at WrestleMania 24, he won the 2009 Royal Rumble, had a big win
over CM Punk at WrestleMania 27, and now here he stands in 2013 as
the one and only champion. It should be noted that the 2013 portion
of his video makes it clear HHH handed him the title at SummerSlam.
At least they give him credit for TLC. Stephanie applauds the video.
But Orton is a fighting champion, so he will fight at the Royal
Rumble in a traditional match (though no countout or DQ) in a rematch
against John Cena. Stephanie made it clear it's pinfall or
submission only, for the record. This did not require ten minutes.
We
look back over the Wyatts/Bryan feud. That will lead to the gauntlet
tonight – they're making it seem like the matches will not be
consecutive. Also, an Intercontinental Title match tonight!
Batista
will be arriving on January 20 to make sure nobody that the fans have
been clamoring for all year gets a title shot. Sorry, the first 45
minutes of this show has me in a bad mood.
Stephanie
is backstage, happy with herself. HHH is happy we'll know who the
real man is... didn't we know that last month? But wait, HHH has
something even BIGGER to talk about.
Curtis
Axel v. Dolph Ziggler. A Superstars inset has Axel promising he'll
improve on his 2013 performance. Dolph also has New Year's
Resolutions, the big one being stealing the show. Oh, great, someone
told Vince about Instagram. Axel pounds away to start, but Dolph
avoids a flapjack and dropkicks Axel. Axel hammer throws Dolph out
of the ring. He follows over the top rope and slams Dolph's back
into the apron. Back in, it gets two. Axel with a series of front
elbows and he grinds the forearm into the face for two. Axel with a
dropkick for two, and he goes to the chinlock. The crowd is trying
to chant something, but I have no idea what. Dolph fights to a
vertical base and elbows out, then reverses Axel into the middle
turnbuckle. Axel's head BOUNCED hard. Dolph jumps onto Axel and
does the ten punch express into a neckbreaker. Dolph with a
crossbody, but Axel avoids the Zig Zag and cradles Dolph for one,
reversed for two. The high jump DDT is blocked, and Axel with a
swinging neckbreaker for two. Axel clubs away and slaps Dolph's
head, slamming him to the mat by the hair. But he stalls for so long
that Dolph comes out of NOWHERE with the Zig Zag for the pin at 4:14.
Great camera work – we never saw Dolph get up and get behind Axel.
Nothing to see otherwise. *
Tonight,
Damien Sandow is in a WWE App match! The announcers are becoming
self-aware of how annoying the How To Download bits are. Sandow's
opponent possibilities are Kofi, Khali, and Miz. Hang on, I need to
pretend to vote for Khali.
The
title match is NEXT.
Next
week: Raw goes Old-School. Advertised: Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Bob
Backlund, the New Age Outlaws, Rikishi, Booker T, Diamond Dallas
Page, and Scotty II Hotty.
Intercontinental
Title: Big E Langston v. Fandango. Hey, JBL didn't call Summer Rae
“Mrs. Fandango”! When did that start? That reminds me: has the
DLC with these two been released yet? They jostle in a lockup to
start, which goes nowhere as the crowd chants for Summer Rae.
Barely. Fandango with a headlock, but he gets run over for one.
Langston with a waistlock throw into a series of bridges for
one-counts. Fandango with a kick to the gut and a chopfest breaks
out, which Langston EASILY wins. Blind charge hits boot, and a leg
lariat follows for two. Fandango with another chop and a headbutt,
then he clubs away. Langston gets a chant as he wins a criss-cross
with a tackle and shoulder ram in the corner. Another charge leads
to a shoulder ram. Fandango slides out of the Big Ending and heads
to the floor. I think I heard a Big E chant. Langston meets
Fandango and clotheslines him on the floor. Langston sends Fandango
into the barricade, and back in we go. Fandango trips Langston and
sends a knee into his face. Fandango slams Langston's leg on the
apron on the outside, and back in, more stomping. Fandango works the
leg some more, getting the Celtic Knot. Langston's shoulders are
down for one. Langston punches his way out of it, but the damage is
done and he's slow on a charge to the corner, sending him into the
post as we go to break. We return with a good Big E chant as
Fandango keeps working the leg. Summer Rae cha-chas to celebrate as
Lawler makes it a big deal: Fandango, as a dancer, is working the
legs because he knows how important they are. Fandango backs
Langston into the corner with uppercuts, then returns to the Celtic
Knot. Langston again fights out to break, so Fandango switches
legholds, then moves to the chinlock. Seriously, Johnny? A
chinlock? You can't think of a good leg-based resthold? Lawler
namedrops Silva to point out the importance of working the legs as
Langston gets separation and begins his comeback. Fandango headbutts
out of the Greco-Roman throw, but Langston gets it from apron to ring
on the second try. Ultimate Splash try, but Fandango kicks his leg
out of his leg. Tornado DDT by Fandango gets two. To the top, and
the flying legdrop, but Langston rolls out of the ring much to
Fandango's chagrin. So Fandango dropkicks Langston from the apron.
Back in, he charges into an overhead suplex. More clotheslines
follow, and NOW the Ultimate Splash hits. Straps come down, and it's
Big Ending time, and that's it at 13:05. I will say, Fandango
started to impress me for the first time on Raw since I've been
recapping, but I was disappointed in the finish: Fandango spent all
that time working the leg, and the finish saw Langston shrug it off
and do his usual. These two have potential, but they definitely need
more seasoning before they try 15 minutes again, much less against
each other. **
More
history of Daniel Bryan against the Family, as we see Bryan kidnapped
and dumped in an empty parking lot. And match #1 is Daniel Bryan
against Luke Harper, TONIGHT.
Next
week: CM Punk will face Roman Reigns They even do throwback graphics
for the match and use Thorn In Your Eye. Nice.
Renee
Young is with Damien Sandow. Care to guess how he feels about the
WWE App match? See, he's had a bad time with the Santa match and
Tribute to the Troops and all that. He doesn't care who his opponent
is, because if he loses, he will quit. Well then.
Vote
now! Go back in time and vote for Khali!
Yay!
LeSean McCoy celebrated his NFL running title with a title belt!
Then LeBron James asked for one of those. John Cena offered to help,
but ironically Dwayne Johnson stepped in ahead of him and got him the
belt instead. Dwayne won't even put Cena over when it comes to handing out swag!
WWE
App Match: Damien Sandow v. The Great Khali (39%). YES! Sandow
looks disgusted. Sandow sticks and moves, but he gets caught and
headchopped. Khali sends Sandow into the corner and does the CHOP OF
DOOM to floor him. He asks for one more, and delivers in the
opposite corner. Headbutt floors Sandow, and he goes for a
powerbomb, but Sandow escapes and bails. He Hotshots Khali on the
top rope, but runs into an elbow. Sandow recovers with a basement
dropkick and works the leg. He drops elbows and stomps the knee.
Crowd wants Sandow to win. Sandow drops his weight on Khali's leg,
getting two. Back to a leglock. Khali fghts out, but Sandow kicks
him in the head and gets a series of kneedrops and a front elbowdrop
for two. Back to the leg for Sandow, and he adds elbows. Khali
clubs away to break, but Sandow goes ground-and-pound and then DDTs
Khali's leg. Back to a leghold as the crowd is bored. Khali clubs
away again to break, but Sandow lands a headbutt and clubs down the
head. Cubito Aequet connects, getting two. Khali lands a CHOP OF
DOOM from his knees to even the score on Sandow, and Sandow's charge
eats boot. Clotheslines follow, and he loads up the headchop, but
Sandow bails to the corner. Khali now gets a chant as he goes to the
Head Vice, but Sandow sends him into the turnbuckle and cradles him
with the tights to preserve his career at 4:55. Or was it only two?
Who knows. Replays show that Khali's shoulder popped up during the
rollup. A good smart heel versus force of nature face match. *1/4
We
look at Daniel Bryan knocking Bray Wyatt out with the running knee on
SmackDown a few weeks ago. He's running the gauntlet tonight!
R-Truth
has Xavier Woods and the Funkadactyls with him, and he'll face Brodus
Clay next.
Folks,
I'll save you the trouble of scrolling up or calling me insane in the
comments: Seth Rollins was so far off his game that he dragged an
18-minute match with CM Punk down to the level of a 5-minute match
with Sandow and Khali. Rollins botched repeatedly during the match
and stalled way too much. There wasn't much story to the match, and
he was never a threat to Punk – we all KNEW Rollins would lose. At
least Sandow/Khali had some intrigue to it, and Sandow wrestled a
smart match, perfectly in tune with his character.
WARNING: THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO GO STRAIGHT INTO THE TOILET! RUN AWAY!
R-Truth
v. Brodus Clay. Clay has no entrance. Xavier Woods is on
commentary. Clay shoves down Truth, then throws him into the corner
and punches away. Clay misses a lariat and Truth fires in, but Clay
shoves Truth into the splits. Truth sticks and moves, but he runs
into the battering ram headbutt. HEART PUNCH OF DOOM follows. Clay
with a double punch to Truth's gut and he pounds away in the corner.
He stands on Truth's back and drops his knee on the back. Clay with
the T-Bone Suplex, and he tries the Body Vice, but Truth escapes only
to get avalanched. Clay pounds the kidneys of Truth and Hammer
Throws Truth across the ring. Clay drops his weight on Truth, then
blocks a kick and goes CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY. Back to
the Body Vice, and Clay just drops deadweight to the mat and lands an
elbowdrop for two. Clay throws Truth into the corner and avalanches
him twice, and Woods is so upset he decides... to call a DANCE BREAK!
Here comes the Funkadactyls, and it works, as Clay eats booth on a
blind charge and does the Little Jimmy off the second rope for the
pin at 4:05. What the heck was THAT finish? Seriously? DUD
Everyone dances. Well, except Clay. And Truth, since his back is
in bad shape. You have Clay squash R-Truth and then lose to dancing? Who the hell does this get over?
Later
tonight, the Funkadactyls will team with the Bellas and Eva Marie
against Summer Rae, Aksana, Rosa, Alicia, and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn looks
different – I had to be told that was who it was.
HHH
has an announcement coming up!
We go
Old School next week! Add Money Inc and Gene Okerlund to the list of
advertised stars.
And
here's HHH with the main event of the second hour: He has something
to say. Sorry, this show is wearing on me. HHH says that 2013 was
epic, under his Authority, and 2014 will be unlike anything we've
seen. And to prove it, Brock Lesnar is back! And Paul Heyman is
with him. Just for the record, I knew he would be on Raw – the
SmackDown taping I attended spoiled it. HHH and Heyman shake hands,
then HHH extends his hand to Brock. Brock reluctantly shakes hands
(Heyman: “The man signs the checks.”) Meanwhile, the fans want
Goldberg. Heyman has the floor now. Heyman wishes to inform the
world of Brock's mission statement for 2014. He's not here to settle
any old scores, since you fight Brock, you lose, and Brock moves on.
Brock also isn't here for revenge (which writes CM Punk out of the
equation). Heyman, indeed, will forgive and move on, because he's
the bigger man. This isn't about Heyman, anyway; it's about Brock.
Brock is back because it's BEST FOR BUSINESS™ for him to go after
the WWE Title. Which means whomever wins at the Royal Rumble really
loses, because Brock is waiting in the wings as the #1 Contender.
Brock has a live mic. Run. He doesn't care whether it's Cena OR
Orton, because nobody can stop him. Ahem, Mark, that's your cue.
Brock shouldn't have to win the Royal Rumble just to get a
championship match, and he doesn't have to stand in line. He's at
the front of the line. He dares ANYONE to prove otherwise. Okay,
Mark... any minute now. Heyman says no one is man enough to take
Brock up on the challenge. Brock's life is Eat, Sleep, Conquer,
Repeat. He takes what he wants, and he wants the WWE Title. Heyman
goes for the big finish, and NOW Henry emerges. Mark just takes his
T-shirt off and walks to the ring, and Brock jumps him before he can
get in. Henry fights out and sends Brock into the front row of
ringside. Brock, though, catches Henry and bull rushes him through
the barricade. Henry appears to have a bad back from the impact, so
Brock picks Henry up (!!) and F-5s him to the floor. Brock screams
like a girl. I feel safe typing this since I'm 100 miles away.
Heyman calls Brock off, saying message delivered. Heyman: “Well,
someone had to be made an example of.”
WARNING:
THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS MASSIVE SNARK AND IS NOT PART OF AN
AVERAGE RECAP. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK OF THINKING I'M AN IDIOT.
Now
here's my big question: why is stuff like this only reserved for the
part-timers? Why can't we have Daniel Bryan or CM Punk go on a tear?
We know that Bryan will have to fight through all the Wyatts; why
not have him take out Harper and Rowan in a minute each to establish
how dominant he is? Heck, John Cena's here every day... why hand him
the title shot instead of having him destroy everyone the Authority
sends at him until they finally agree to it? Randy Orton got
insanely over by beating the Rhodeses and destroying the Miz; can't
he do that to someone else? Instead, it's Brock who gets that honor
of being a harbinger of doom. You know Batista will get this honor
when he returns. The only regular who gets this kind of treatment is
Big Show, but he's done it so often it drags his opponents down –
witness the match he had with Bryan in September. When this happens,
it just makes the people who wrestle now, every day, look bad, while
the people like Big Show and Brock who were around ten years ago...
...oh,
right. In HHH's prime. Moving on.
WE
NOW RETURN TO THE RAW RECAP.
Replays
of Mark Henry and Brock Lesnar throwing each other all over the
place.
Brie
Bella, Nikki Bella, Cameron, Naomi, and Eva Marie v. Kaitlyn, Alicia
Fox, Aksana, Summer Rae, and Rosa Mendes. The non-Total Divas get no
entrance. Kaitlyn and Eva Marie start. Kaitlyn gets a waistlock,
but Eva Marie elbows out and acts like she accomplished something,
playing to the crowd. She turns around into a Kaitlyn dropkick as
the announcers say Eva Marie may have an ego. Kaitlyn kicks away and
gets a backbreaker for two. Kaitlyn puts her head down, and Eva
Marie with a kick and slap. She tags in... uh... no one wants in.
So she slaps Cameron in, and Cameron argues with Eva Marie. Now
Alicia tags HERself in, and Cameron with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors.
Cameron tries something out of the corner and falls flat on her face
– not a botch, mind you – for two. Alicia drags Cameron into her
corner, and Summer Rae comes in with a boot choke. Rosa now in, and
she stomps away. Aksana in, and she does the Alley-Oop Bomb out of
the corner. It gets two. Aksana works the arm now as the faces warm
the crowd up. Aksana with a hairpull slam and she stomps away. A
kick to the gut follows, getting two, and back to the arm. Cameron
punches out and gets a jawbreaker, but Aksana can't stop the hot tag
to Nikki. STO to Aksana and a lariat, then a dropkick. Clothesline
in the corner and the Torture Rack, but everybody's into the ring and
we pair off. Lawler encourages them to come his way. Aksana runs
into an elbow, but Nikki cuts off Rosa, so Aksana drops her on the
ropes and gets her finisher (an elbowdrive bulldog) for the pin at
5:11. WHO CARES? Why does any of this matter if AJ doesn't take any
of them seriously, treats them like jobbers, and then beats them and
skips away like nothing happened? Why should I care about any of
them if the champ thinks they're all cannon fodder? 1/2*
Clips
of Bryan getting sent off a loading dock on SmackDown, and it's a
gauntlet match tonight.
Batista
is coming back. Don't know if you've heard.
A
look back at the Tribute to the Troops. If you want to know what
happened, go find my review on this blog.
We
find out that Mark Henry has been taken to the hospital.
Maddox
admits that Khali's shoulders were not down and he reprimanded the
referee. Stephanie is happy with Maddox's performance, and he admits
he recruited most of Stephanie's favorites. HHH wants to know “he”
will be there, and Maddox seems to confirm Ric Flair with a whoo. Not
a good one. A corny one. I like it.
We
look at last week, as the Wyatts beat up Daniel Bryan. He was going
to get Bray at Tribute to the Troops, but that went nowhere. So now,
he will try to get them all.
This
week on SmackDown, the Rhodeses defend the titles against Harper and
Rowan. You'll enjoy it.
Gauntlet
Match: Daniel Bryan v. Luke Harper [1], Erick Rowan [2], and Bray
Wyatt [3]. Michael Cole tries to get people to see the hashtag
located on the top left corner of the screen, but it's buried under
the TV-PG-V box. I like the concept here – it's like the final
level of a platformer, where all the mid-bosses return to wear you
down for the final boss. Bryan goes for a quick hold, but Harper
backs Bryan into the corner and rakes the face. Bryan ducks a lariat
and gets a forearm smash or two, then kicks into the gut in the
corner. Bryan goes with a basement dropkick on Harper, then kicks at
the hamstring. He ties Harper's leg in the ropes and slugs away,
adding a hamstring dropkick. But Bryan stares at Wyatt, and Harper
kicks Bryan down. Bryan comes back with more kicks and a dragon
screw, switching to a surfboard bow-and-arrow. He includes a
fishhook during the setup for good measure. Only it's not a
surfboard, it's a dragon sleeper bow-and-arrow! I've never seen that
before. Harper breaks, but he's the worse for wear. Bryan kicks
away in the corner, adding a European Uppercut, but Harper lands a
right to floor Bryan. Harper chokes Bryan and stomps him, then adds
a double chest chop. He smacks Bryan around in the corner and tries
to rip his nose off, but runs into uppercuts. Harper stops the
momentum, adding a double chop again. Harper picks Bryan up by the
hair/ears, btu Bryan fights out only to get Vadered into the ropes
and boot choked. Guillotine to the middle rope follows. Harper
looks at Wyatt for advice, and Wyatt calls for the finish. Harper
goes to the Gator Roll into a headlock. Bryan punches out, but runs
into a back elbow. The ref calls something to Bryan. Harper pounds
away on Bryan and whips him, but Bryan sends him into the middle
turnbuckle with a drop toe hold and adds a cross-corner dropkick.
Harper catches the second one with a Michinoku Driver for two.
Harper looks to Wyatt for advice as we go to break. We return with
Harper holding a headlock as we see that During the Break, Harper
threw Bryan repeatedly into the barricade. Bryan elbows out, but
Harper slaps him away and whips him across the ring, only to trigger
the comeback. Harper charges, but Bryan low-bridges him to get some
time, then follows with a tope suicida. He adds a second one. YES
Knees follow, and back in, Bryan with a missile dropkick and kip up.
YES Kick series time, but the roundhouse misses... no, it's a
fake-out and the other leg hits for two. Wyatt is screaming at
Harper to get on the offensive, but Bryan is up first and kicks away.
Bryan sets Harper on the top rope and tries a Frankensteiner, but
Harper reverses to a powerbomb for two. Harper is totally confused
as to how THAT didn't end anything and walks around in a daze, then
picks Bryan up and forearms him down. Another double chop follows.
He kicks away at Bryan and picks him up again, but Bryan fires back
with lefts and rights only to be caught with a half-nelson suplex for
two. Harper bends down to pick Bryan up, but Bryan hooks the Yes
Lock, only for Harper to fight out of it and nail a big boot.
European Uppercut by Harper and he works over Bryan in the corner.
Bryan flips out of a German suplex, and the running knee ends Harper
at 15:01. That match alone blows everything else tonight out of the
water, and we're just warming up. Rowan attacks from behind, but the
ref insists on a standing start. We resume at 15:41, as Rowan throws
Bryan to the outside and into the steps. Rowan picks Bryan up and
gets a swinging slam over the announce table. The announcers wonder
if he can get back in the ring as we go to break again. We return
to... an Old School Raw ad? C'mon, guys, there's a match going on!
Okay, so we return with Rowan applying the DOUBLE NOOGIE OF DOOM to
Bryan, but Bryan headbutts out only to run into a pancake. It gets
two. Rowan with a headbutt to slow him down, then an elbow. Rowan
with a series of right jabs, and he lays him on the top turnbuckle
and chops away. He then goes up, picks up Bryan, and it's a
second-rope fallaway slam. Bryan is favoring his knee on the
landing, but he seems to give the ref the OK. And indeed, Bryan
shocks Rowan with a small package to win at 22:07. An angry Rowan
lands a big boot and elbowdrops, but Harper calls Rowan off and makes
peace. Bray is giddy at what's next. He slowly enters the ring, but
the ref checks on Bryan, who hasn't gotten up yet. Bray with the
inverted look pre-match, and Bryan pulls himself up for the start.
Bray fakes a charge, then the bell rings at 23:53. Bray turns his
back on Bryan... and with good reason, as Harper and Rowan stop
anything from happening at 24:07. HA HA, you thought you'd get what
you wanted tonight? ***1/2
They toss Bryan to the outside, throwing him into the barricade
repeatedly. Hey, remember back in September when the whole locker
room emptied to protect Bryan? Where are they now? Rowan with an
avalanche, and he sends Bryan into a Harper lariat. Bray asks for
them to pick Bryan up (“I want him to feel this!”), and they do a
double tree bomb. Bray sings eerily. Bray declares the story over,
since he has no more mercy for Bryan. They could've worked together,
but not anymore. Now he'll punish Bryan. He demands that Bryan look
him in the eyes. This is the end, he says. Bryan: “You're...
you're right.” He's beaten Bryan into submission. Bray asks for
more as the crowd chants NO. Bryan begs for the mic, and when Bray
hands it over, Bryan says, “You were always right. No matter how
many matches I won, no matter how loud these people cheered for me,
you were always right. The machine... the machine would never let me
win. NO matter how loud you people chanted, you chanted YES in every
building I've ever been to, and they don't care. I'm yours.”
Wyatt laughs in triumph. “Let me join the Family.” Are you
KIDDING ME? Crowd is screaming NO. Bray demands that Bryan crawl to
him. Bryan pulls himself up via Bray and offers himself... but Bray
won't even allow that, giving him Sister Abigail's Kiss. Bray NOW
seems to welcome him in, as Harper and Rowan drag him away. The
Wyatts carry Bryan to the back as the crowd is absolutely sick.
As am I. Bryan can barely stand, but the Wyatts let him go. Bray makes a
brutally hurt Bryan drag himself behind Bray as they walk away in
triumph. Bryan reaches the top of the stage and glares at Bray as
the crowd begs NO. Bryan looks back to the crowd, and he seems to be
confused. Bray is yelling at him to follow. Bryan finally looks
down at his own injuries, then becomes furious. The crowd thinks
it's the fake-out and chants for Daniel Bryan. But Bryan shakes his
head. He's beaten. He looks down in shame and, this time
voluntarily, follows Bray. That's how we end 2013: with Daniel
Bryan, your hero, walking off a slave to someone else.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
Dear
WWE Universe,
We've
listened to you cheer for CM Punk and Daniel Bryan. We've listened
to how you want someone to rise up organically. However, you seem to
forget that I have worked my entire life to be able to control the
business. Therefore, I will have Batista – my pet project – on
top. Brock Lesnar – from my era of wrestling – is the big beast.
The only one who can get one over on the Authority is my
contemporary the Big Show.
I
know you want people like Antonio Cesaro to move up the ranks, but
he's just some one-move guy so he can stay in the midcard if we use
him at all. You love Natalya and her legacy, so we'll turn her into
a Total Diva and make her so vanilla she's interchangeable with Eva
Marie, a Diva we literally created from whole cloth.
Oh,
you say, about AJ? She sold out to get where she is. Haven't you
seen the rumors? They're true. She ingratiated herself to Vince and
me, and now she's allowed to be the only star of the Divas' division
outside of the Total Divas. You know why? Because you don't change
the system, you join it. Unless you're me. I truly changed the
system.
You
want CM Punk? You like the Shield? Okay – they can face each
other forever until that Anoa'i kid is the only strong person left.
You like Daniel Bryan? Forget it... he's too small and too
meaningless, even though Shawn was the same way but we all know it's
because of his association with me. Do ratings drop when Bryan is
gone and the third hour begins? We're not listening.
We
heard you in Seattle. Your move.
Sincerely,
Paul
Levesque
PS –
We know you'll subscribe to the WWE Network. We own your money.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 70:55 (not including the time between gauntlet matches) over
seven (or nine) matches
BEST
MATCH: Bryan/Harper
WORST
MATCH: Truth/Clay
NIGHT
MVP: Bray Wyatt
FINAL
SCORE: -3. Any time you make a booking decision that actively costs
you money, and you KNOW it's a bad move and do it anyway, you go
negative. Back in August, I warned that this was just HHH burying
people he didn't think fit his mold for wrestling, and people told me
to wait and see. The job is complete.
Please,
tell me to rant on a PPV for New Year's Day so I can get this awful
taste out of my mouth. In the meantime, I recommend that Tommy and
Scott skip NXT out of protest. Right now, I'm 50/50 on even watching
next week's Raw. Tell me which way to go.
Enjoy wrestling while you still can.