The SmarK Rant for WWF Smackdown–02.01.01

The SmarK Rant for WWF Smackdown – 02.01.01

It’s SMACKDOWN XTREME. The Network is picking some really random stuff for their “classic” selections. When I saw the description was initially thinking this was the deal with Tazz and HHH, but nope.

Taped from Columbus, OH

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler

WWF tag titles, table match: The Dudley Boyz v. The Hardy Boyz

The canned heat is way, way, way over the top here, sounding more like a sustaining static than any kind of real reaction. Brawl to start and man is D-Von looking fit here. The Dudz quickly hit the Wazzup drop on Matt, back when it was a fresh and hip reference. Tables are gotten by D-Von, but Bubba goes up and Jeff brings him down with a rana. Jeff tries to put D-Von through with a swanton, but Bubba trips him up and tries to finish with a superplex. This gives us a pretty brilliant spot where Matt puts himself through the table to break it, thus preventing Bubba from putting Jeff through it. And now a ladder gets involved, giving us a trainwreck spot that nearly goes horribly wrong as Matt and D-Von fall off the ladder into a table…and it doesn’t break. That looked SCARY bad. Bubba and Jeff quickly brawl up the ramp to shift the focus, and Bubba puts Jeff through a pair of tables with a Bubba Bomb off the ramp at 7:28. I’m assuming Matt and D-Von were bring taken out on a stretcher while this was happening because we didn’t see them again. Fun car crash to start the show, which actually led to TLC 2 at Wrestlemania. ***1/4

Meanwhile, Steve Austin watches the video package of him getting tricked by HHH and he’s too disgusted to finish his beer.

WWF Women’s title: Ivory v. Lita v. Jacqueline

Lita and Jackie attack to start, but they quickly turn on each other. Lita with a Twist of Fate on Ivory and she goes up with the Litasault, but Ivory steals the pin at 2:00 to retain. In retrospect, the fans were dying for Lita to be the one to end that RTC bullshit with Ivory, and having Chyna be the one was kind of ridiculous. Nothing to the match. ½*

Meanwhile, Austin gets some revenge by using Stephanie’s private bathroom and clogging it up.

Edge & Christian v. Kaientai

Funaki sadly has a painful rash, so Kaientai buys the APA. I had mostly forgotten about the English overdubbing gimmick.

Edge & Christian v. The APA

Bradshaw no-sells Edge’s offense and boots him down for two, but Christian gets a missile dropkick and Edge takes over. Some poor bastard in the background got paid off to hold up an XFL sign. Hot tag Faarooq and he powerslams Christian for two. Christian goes low on him and gets a DDT, but Funaki sacrifices himself to save Faarooq, allowing him to hit Christian with a spinebuster for the pin at 3:47. **

Meanwhile, Vince is ranting to security geeks about his problems, but William Regal interrupts with a very important phone call.

Meanwhile, the XFL premieres this Saturday, which now reveals the horrifying reason behind the “XTreme” version of the show.

Meanwhile, Big Show interrupts a Billy Gunn interview and threatens the Coach.

Meanwhile, Trish is taking a bath and seems to be Vince’s phone call.

Intercontinental title: Chris Jericho v. Tazz

Tazz throws him around with a suplex and dumps him with a clothesline, and they brawl on the floor. Back in, Tazz with another suplex and he hits the chinlock, but Jericho gets a rollup for two. Enzuigiri and hiptoss as Jericho makes the comeback, and the flying forearm gets two. Tazzmission, but Jericho goes to the nuts and finishes clean with the Lionsault at 4:23. Good little match, all action. **1/2

Meanwhile, Vince tries to leave to presumably go see Trish, but Stephanie really has a great idea about putting HHH in the title match tonight. Vince is in such a hurry that he okays it and then runs off. “Something’s come up…or is about to.” Vince’s delivery makes the bit as usual. It’s kind of astonishing how bad Stephanie’s acting used to be.

Speaking of bad, The Kat comes out promising full frontal nudity for the Xtreme Smackdown, but the RTC is luckily there to prevent it. Jerry Lawler was insufferable on commentary here. And Steven Richards raises a good point, as there really are children in the audience! It’s also super-ironic that years later, WWE themselves would become even more stringent censors of their own product.

Tough Enough is coming, so send in your terrible video today!

Big Show v. Billy Gunn

Gunn attacks and gets nowhere, walking into a belly to belly. Show tosses him around to show that indeed, he still is strong, and he slowly pounds away and cuts off a comeback with a sideslam. Elbow misses and Gunn gets a bulldog for two, but the chokeslam finishes at 5:01. And that was it for Gunn’s singles pushes, in fact. DUD

Meanwhile, Austin stops by to wish HHH good luck tonight, and accidentally spills his beer all over him.

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle isn’t surprised that they’re trying to screw him over tonight, and in fact he feels that they should have just booked him in a SHARK TANK match, where the object is to wrestle live sharks and pin the shark while it’s trying to eat you.

First Blood: Kane & Undertaker v. Rikishi & Haku

If they were a team today, they’d be HAKUSHI. Oddly, “Rollin’” is fully intact for Taker’s entrance, which is weird because I think it’s been cut out of almost every other instance. But then Fred Durst probably needs the money anyway. The brothers takes turns beating up Rikshi on the floor, and Taker brings him into the ring for the ropewalk while Kane brawls with Haku outside. They switch off and Taker is unable to bust Rikishi open on the stairs, so Rikishi grabs a chair and Kane saves. The Islanders double-team Kane in the ring, but Taker just CRUSHES Haku with an unprotected chairshot on the floor. Holy shit. In the ring, Kane chokeslams Rikishi and Haku is gushing blood to give the faces the win at 6:20. Kane drops the stairs on Rikshi to bust him open as well and the brawl is on. This all seems like it should have been going somewhere, but I don’t think it did. And what happened to Haku, anyway? He just vanished before Wrestlemania. Anyway, this was a fun and brutal brawl, which thankfully was kept short and didn’t overstay itself. **1/2 The pacing on these 2000-2001 shows is just GREAT.

WWF World title: Kurt Angle v. The Rock v. HHH

Rock and HHH brawl to start and Rock DDTs him for two. Angle keeps getting tossed out by Rock, and KICK WHAM PEDIGREE gets two on Rock. And then HHH tosses Angle out again as Steve Austin joins us as an impartial observer. Angle with the Angle Slam on HHH for two off that. HHH slugs Rock down and gets a suplex for two, but goes up and gets slammed off. Angle with a backdrop suplex on Rock, and Austin gives a cold beverage to HHH as a peace offering. I don’t see that working. Rock with a Scorpion King Deathlock on Angle, but HHH breaks it up with a DDT, which gets two. HHH with the high knee on Rock and a neckbreaker for two. Angle comes back with a belly to belly on HHH, but he walks into Rock Bottom. Steph distracts the ref, so Rock hits HHH with the spinebuster, but Angle gets the Angle Slam for two. Ref bumped now, and HHH wants to Pedigree Angle for Austin’s benefit, but Angle goes low and pins him with Austin making the count at 10:00. I don’t think that would hold up very well in court if challenged. ***1/4

The Pulse

Super fun, well-paced show with lots of interesting storylines up and down the show and only one dead spot in the Billy Gunn match. Plus it was setting up one of the all-time great PPVs in No Way Out 2001. Definitely check this one out when you’re surfing the Network.