The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.04.94
Taped from White Plains, NY
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Randy Savage
Jeff Jarrett v. Tatanka
Tatanka attacks to start, perhaps because he’s angry about July 4 and having his land stolen and whatnot. Powerslam gets two. Suplex gets two. JJ takes him down for a headlock and works on that, but Tatanka comes back with his own. He holds onto that while we cut to the table with the announcers talking about all the exciting action of the New Generation. That’s right, you wouldn’t see headlocks from those washed up 80s stars! Jeff finally tosses him to break that headlock, and beats him on the floor. Question: Is Jarrett’s yellow and purple polka dot outfit here objectively one of the worst ever? I’m no scientician, but it’s breaking my brain a little. They continue fighting on the floor and Tatanka gets sent into the post and counted out at 6:13. But Jarrett didn’t come all the way to New York to win by countout! So we restart the match (after Jarrett threatens Savage again to further a feud that never went anywhere) and take a break. Back with Jarrett holding the chinlock and then into a sleeper, as Gorilla does a weird “Do you think his DADDY taught him that one?” aside to Savage, who totally no-sells it. Is THAT where they were supposed to be leading with this, I wonder? A Jarretts v. Poffos rehash? Tatanka makes the comeback with chops for two and a DDT for two. Tatanka goes up with the flying chop for two and Jarrett bails to escape and takes a walk, but Doink chases him back into the ring and Tatanka rolls him up for the pin at 16:13. They did that “JJ gives up the countout win and then blows it” finish around the horn for months until it was a regular thing with him, and then totally reversed the gag at Royal Rumble to subvert expectations. Pretty decent match here. **1/2
The King’s Court with 1-2-3 Kid. Lawler is cheering the Kid on because he wants Bret to lose and be humiliated, but Kid won’t stoop to Lawler’s level and cheat. That Sean Waltman, wholesome and virtuous!
Jim Neidhart v. Gary Scott
Owen debuts his new gear here, which would last him quite a long time, actually. Neidhart beats on the jobber and hangs him in the Tree of Woe, then goes to the chinlock while Owen rants to the camera. Anvil finishes with the powerslam at 3:47. See, again the advantage of having jobbers around, because otherwise Neidhart would never get a win in his return tour.
Duke Droese v. Iron Mike Sharpe
Sharpe is unable to slam Droese, thus undermining his claim of being Canada’s Strongest Man. Droese takes him down and drops an elbow on the leg, but Sharpe comes back and pounds away on him. Droese runs him into two of the turnbuckles for a 10-count and gets a suplex for two. Sharpe chokes him out and tries a piledriver, but Duke powers out and drops the elbow for the pin at 4:00. Savage dubs it the “high spinning elbow”.
GO GET ‘EM, CHAMP! I’ll let others make the jokes about the kid having tears in his eyes and stuff. My favorite was later on when Diesel was champion and they were making a big deal about how WWF stars always sign autographs, using KEVIN NASH as an example of someone who’s fan friendly.
“The Undertaker” v. Mike Bell
Brian Lee is noticeably shorter than Mean Mark, but he’s definitely got the mannerisms down. However, as a fan this was always as ridiculously confusing angle to me. Like, the announcers treated it like this really was the Undertaker and Dibiase has paid him off or something, but clearly it was a different guy and I could never figure out if we were supposed to know that. Especially when the real one came back. I don’t think they knew either, and that’s probably why it was such a colossal flop of an angle. Anyway, Underfaker goes through the classic stuff, although he does the flying clothesline wrong. Tombstone finishes at 4:00, and when he flips his hair aside to deliver the move you can totally see it’s the wrong guy. Paul Bearer comes out and they act like Undertaker might betray Dibiase, which again is why it was so confusing. Dibiase uses a fist full of cash to sway him back for some reason. What a stupid storyline this all was, and none of it made any sense whatsoever.
Next week: Bret Hart v. The Kid! The 1-2-3 Kid, not the kid from the earlier “HEY BRET!” video segment. Although that would be pretty funny, too.
Anytime I bash 'Taker for protecting his spot during his American Badass days, I need to remind myself this guy worked consecutive programs with: Berzerker, Kamala, Nailz, Giant Gonales, Mr. Hughes, yokozuna, FAKE TAKER, Yokozuna again, I.R.S. King Kong Bundy, Kama, and King Mabel before he got anything decent to do.
ReplyDelete"See, again the advantage of having jobbers around, because otherwise Neidhart would never get a win in his return tour."
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for Zach Ryder.
He probably went to Vince with tears in his eyes and asked him to work with Bret so he could finally get a good match after all those slugs.
ReplyDeleteThat last sentence is the Jeopardy answer for something that has never been said around Titan Towers.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Rumble 96: It was so weird, as a kid, watching Bret work withTaker like it was an actual wrestling match. I was so used to Taker mostly working with giant, useless slugs who did nothing but a chinlock or nerve hold on him, unless they were too sucky to even do that right (Cough:Gonzales:cough).
ReplyDeleteThat was probably why Bret vs. Taker at Rumble 1996 wasn't a great match. But they obviously got a lot better later on.
ReplyDeleteYeah the Underfaker thing would have been so much better had the guy Dibiase brought out been portrayed as a fraud all along. I mean maybe before he started wrestling the announcers could have had doubts but the match here clearly exposed him as not Taker.
ReplyDeleteThe date of this episode is the same day referee Joey Marwlla died in a car accident...he was Gorilla Monsoon's adopted son...Harvel Wippleman was in the car with him...
ReplyDeleteI think there was a subtle "is that the real Undertaker" from the babyface broadcasters, but it didn't go over well, if at all, from what I remember. I was hyped for Bret vs. Owen and little else for this one. Taker vs. Taker live was like watching nothing for 10 long minutes.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that by the standards set at the time, this would be considered one of Bret's worst matches (on PPV), but probably Taker's best match, ever.
ReplyDeleteTo me, it was more the intrigue of "I literally have no idea who is gonna win". So the match being low on technical quality wasn't a big deal, I was totally into "Can Bret outlast this guy and someone beat him?"
ReplyDeleteThe original script for that commercial had the kid saying "Go get em Bret!", but Bret sat in his locker for 3 hours until it was changed to champ.
ReplyDeleteI liked the story it told (Bret doing what he does to win, like working the legs, which got heel responses from the crowd), but even as a youngster watching it, it went on way too long. Something like 25-minutes. I think Undertaker's longest match before that maybe was 15.
ReplyDelete"So there I was waiting backstage preparing to work another ***** match classic with a guy that couldn't even work a *** match when all of a sudden I hear someone shout out "BREEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" I turn around to see it was some kid and his dad. I walked back slowly to them, with every footstep I made, their hearts pounded harder and harder until I was inches away from them and a second passed, but that second must have seemed like eternity to that kid as he finally gulped and said "go get 'em champ!" I smiled back and took my signature glasses off and handed them to the kid. Years later I met same kid again and with a tear in his eye told me those were the greasiest glasses he ever got."
ReplyDeleteThat was well done.
ReplyDeleteWell done! I have competition!
ReplyDeleteBUT I'M THE BEST THERE IS THE BEST THERE WAS AND THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE!
ReplyDeleteWith tears in my eyes, I wanted to tell you all: "The joke is played".
ReplyDeleteHa thanks, originally I was going to make it that the dad crapped his pants and told Bret that was the best crap he ever took.
ReplyDeleteSince you're the Hart killer, should you change your avatar to that hook that broke causing Owen to plummet to his death?
ReplyDeleteToo soon?
Did you get my memo? Your belt is done.
ReplyDeleteMy father taught me to make fun of Bret Hart in the basement. I'm the only one who can do it right!
ReplyDeleteThe weird thing was at the time Bret-Undertaker was a dream match that had never been televised before and they didn't build it as one. Announcers built the match up as an afterthought.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting the memo now. Cool. When do we unleash it?
ReplyDeleteIt's sad to see Gorilla so excited at the opening of this episode, as Joey Marella would die the night it aired.
ReplyDeleteAlso a bit eerie seeing him referee on the RAW I'm at now, which is the July 18th episode (2 weeks after his death).
It's with Bayless. Shoot me your E-mail and I;ll send it to you. If there is anything you want changed, let me know.
ReplyDeleteMy nephew spent a good 15 minutes on it.
If ever there was an angle that didn't need a subtle build, it was "Ted Dibiase buys fake Undertaker until real one returns and kills him off." You'd think the MOMENT that this goof came out and clearly wasn't the real deal, the announcers would be all "Dibiase is a fucking scumbag who paid off some junkie from the street to fool these hardworking fans! I hope the real deal comes back and rips his fucking head off!" Or something less profane, you know what I mean. It was such a clear direction and they totally went the opposite way with it.
ReplyDeleteThose were good motivational cigarettes.
ReplyDeleteI always wondered what is Vince's obsession with the "evil twin" gimmick, especially when they look nothing like the original. Ironically he HAS a set of identical twins that he could effectively do the gimmick with and hasn't.
ReplyDeleteBut what about those delightful segments with Leslie Nielsen as Not Frank Drebin "Searching" for the Real Undertaker? That was clearly all the match needed for build. :P
ReplyDeleteWe sold them to High Schoolers and made some change.
ReplyDeleteHours before he died, Joey Marella confided in Bret that he was the best worker he's ever seen.
ReplyDeleteI didn't make that one up either.
That would never fly today, but then again, its hard to retape 4 weeks of footage considering the time period and financial woes that go with such a task.
ReplyDeleteSent.
ReplyDeleteThat belt is perfect. I love the stickers. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteSo was it ever confirmed that the whole Taker vs. Take angle was a Vince creation?
ReplyDeleteNot a bad way to look at it, now that you mention it.
ReplyDeleteToo late.
ReplyDeleteWait, is that one actually in Bret's book
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of fan interaction stories with Nash, I met him at C2E2 in Chicago a few weeks ago. He was late to the booth (one being shared with Al Snow and Mr. Anderson. Yeah.) because they was apparently "enjoying Chicago" the night before. He waltzed in about an hour and half after the event began, hungover off his ass and looking like he would rather be dipping his balls in lava than being there.
ReplyDeleteI brought two of my figures for him to sign (Diesel and nWo Nash), and asked the handler how much a signature and photo would be, and also if he charged twice for signing both items. He said he did, so I asked Nash and him to just have him sign the nWo Nash figure. Nash, clearly out to lunch somewhere east of Jupiter, signed both figures. I looked over to the handler like, "Um...the fuck?" but knowing I was clearly screwed because THESE WERE VERY BIG MEN. The handler, clearly on my side on this issue but probably not wanting to get fired by Nash either, mumbled something about "paying the difference" and I threw him a $10 bill. I got the photo with Nash and called it a day.
Still not sure if Nash was working me for money or he was really that wrecked.
Oh yeah, before the match that night he whispered to Bret that he was the greatest worker he'd ever seen...and then he was killed later that night, likely because he was so caught up thinking about Bret's classic match that evening he wasn't paying attention to the road.
ReplyDeleteNash, working the smart fans until the day he fakes his own death.
ReplyDeleteCold. As. Ice.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, that was a good match with Bret and Backlund that night.
ReplyDeleteI'm meeting Big Show next week at Wizard World Atlanta. Hope he's a cool dude in person.
ReplyDeleteWell, Lee was a junkie
ReplyDeleteIt was the tears in his eyes, he couldn't see properly.
ReplyDeleteThe Kane thing in 2006 was another idea that had promise but didn't deliver in the end.
ReplyDeleteThats my understanding of the guy. Also met Foley the same day. He was sporting that big bushy beard, so I made a bad joke about not realizing he was joining the Wyatt Family.
ReplyDeleteA few weeks later he made that Facebook announcement. Just saying.
Cool. Show is really the best guest to have at those types of conventions since he covers nearly 20 years of wrestling. Old school WCW fans, AE fans, and current fans all know him.
ReplyDeleteAsk him about toothpaste sandwiches.
ReplyDeleteDownvote x1000
ReplyDeleteUpvote x2000
ReplyDeleteWWF had really gotten on the Shawn train by then since it was his big return after Owen kicked him in the head. Everyone else was pretty much an afterthought.
ReplyDeleteKnowing Nash, it was probably the money.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, Bret got a pretty good match out of Zombietaker at the 1/92 MSG show.
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest: That joke will always be funny to me.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? That's a bit weird. If that happened now, I can't even imagine what they would do.
ReplyDeleteIt kinda reminds me of how the WCW announcers always fell of the fake Sting, even though they never looked anything alike.
ReplyDeleteOh damn, the Hart vs Waltman match is next. I had a VHS tape with that match and loved it.
ReplyDeleteI'll be honest, I fell for fake Sting at first. It was when he was running to get in the limo.
ReplyDeleteNot even sure why Niedhart needed to wrestle. He was fine as just Owen's backup.
ReplyDeleteThe saddest part was that Joey had recently asked Bret to teach him to drive, as Bret was long considered the safest driver in the locker-room. I
ReplyDeleteBut WCW announcers feel for it every time, even when it was KEVIN NASH.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking on just match quality, that might be the worst WWE PPV main event ever. Maybe worst PPV main period, at least Heroes of Wrestling and Uncensored 95 were such trainwrecks that they are somewhat entertaining.
ReplyDeleteI swear one of them (maybe Tenay) was like "Hey, wait a second..."
ReplyDeleteDid they play up how Million Dollar Man was the guy to bring Taker into the WWF?
ReplyDeleteThe hey Bret commercial is a classic.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteand also they did the stupid "already announce next months contender" for several months: we knew that the winner of Diesel vs. Bulldog would face Hart at the Survivor Series, afair they announced that the winner of Hart vs. Bulldog would go against the Undertaker, they announced that the winner of Hart vs. Taker would have a match with Diesel etc.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder why Joey Marella was demoted in the WWF referee hierarchy. He ref'd the big WrestleMania III match, but Hebner took his place by 1990.
ReplyDeleteI think Wippleman still hates Marella over that accident since Marella fell asleep at the wheel and almost got him killed.
ReplyDeleteThe Berzerker feud is underrated. Those were actually good matches.
ReplyDeleteWell, in fairness, those announcements were made during the match in question and not the weeks leading up to it. The Diesel getting a title shot post-Rumble '96 was announced after the show.
ReplyDeleteJesus, I'd not heard that before.
ReplyDelete