This has nothing to do with the WWE
The pregame match has been moved to RAW tomorrow night.
Hoss Lorenz & Curtzerker vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Abeyance & thebraziliankid
The pregame match has been moved to RAW tomorrow night.
Hoss Lorenz & Curtzerker vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Abeyance & thebraziliankid
And folks, this is how you kick off a show. Wade Michael Meltzer has been reporting that Curtzerker has been filming training videos non-stop for the past week. Anyway, theberzerker starts by yelling “HUSS, HUSS” at thebraziliankid. He uses this to intimidate his opponent and everyone else he encounters. Hoss is seen yelling at the crowd from the apron as thebraziliankid gets whipped into the opposing corner. Hoss tags and laughs as he chops thebraziliankid down. Hoss charges but thebraziliankid is able to escape. He makes the tag to his partner, Abeyance, who is still upset over Hoss hijacking his talk show Monday night. Sources say that Abeyance kicked his stuffed Sheamus pillow upside the head as a result. Hoss yells “GIVE ME MY TALK SHOW AND SOME PORK CHOPS” at the youngster .Abeyance charges but bounces off of the behemoth, who responds by pounding his chest. Hoss tags Williams and he goes to work on Abeyance. Williams picks up Abeyance and places him on the top rope. He sets up for a superplex but Abeyance fights back. He knocks of Williams and looks to be leaping off but Hoss pushes him off of the top and Abeyance gets crotched on the top rope as Hoss points and laughs. Abeyance’s partners are rallying him on as you know Devin Harris can’t wait to get FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Abeyance is getting destroyed in the corner as theberzerker is in his face screaming “HUSS, HUSS!!!!!!!” Hoss tags and slaps Abeyance in the chest repeatedly. He then ducks outside and grabs a chair but is ordered by the referee to put it back. Hoss comes back in and slams Abeyance then tags theberzerker, who climbs up top but misses an elbow drop as both men are down. Theberzerker is up first and grabs Abeyance, who fights back and makes the tag to Harris as the arena is getting FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIT DOWN WITH DA D-D-H!!!!!! Harris runs wild on theberzerker. Williams runs in and Harris clotheslines him down. Big Hoss comes in as the two men stare each other down. They have a history dating back to BoD Mania when Hoss was not happy over Harris getting funky in the aisle. These two men are slugging it out in the middle of the ring as the crowd goes wild. Williams and theberzerker run in as do Abeyance and thebraziliankid as the match breaks down. Curtzerker sends thebraziliankid to the floor and target Harris. They hit him with a double suplex as Hoss is beating on Abeyance. Curtzerker is now setting up Harris for the Doomsday Device but thebraziliankid breaks that up then jumps on the back of Hoss. The crowd goes nuts as Hoss tries to shake the South American boy off of his back. Abeyance then inadvertently kicks Hoss in the groin and that drops the big man. Harris is fighting off Curtzerker as the youngsters come over and send Williams to the floor. Now, theberzerker is all alone in the ring and everyone takes turns dropping elbows on him then Harris hits the Funk-o-Matic for the win. HA HA HA HA HA, DA D-D-H IS TEACHING THE KIDS TO GIT FUN-KAY!!!!!! TEACH ABEYANCE HOW TO DO A JIG!!!! HA HA, ABEYANCE IS GITTING FUN-KAY AND DOING A JIG!!!!!!!!
Cage Match
Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker
Solo has gone a few weeks without coffee and just might snap. You could say he could just brew it at home but where is the fun in that. The cage stipulation was specifically designed to keep the rest of the Unstable out of the match. The match begins and the Unstable start to climb the cage, that was designed to keep them out. The cage wobbles as the BoD Union cage builders are on strike, protesting for better benefits. Gideon Stargrave climbs up but as dropped his flyswatter in the process and is now freaking out on the top of the cage. Jesse charges at Solo with windmill punches but is stopped by a boot to the gut. Stennick and Gideon are in the cage as Mar Solo pie faces Baker to the mat. Gideon charges but stops and hits himself instead. Stennick yells that he only came in the cage to kill a smark then picks up Baker and throws him at Solo, who ducks, and Baker hits the cage that falls apart and Baker falls to the floor and wins the match! What the fuck! Mar Solo is in disbelief and without coffee, making him an angry man. Baker tries to pick himself up off of the floor but keeps falling down. THIS FEUD WILL CONTINUE
Lumberjack Match
Midcard Mafia vs. Administration
The Administration are as follows: Justice Gray, Archie Stackhouse, Gosh Hopkins, Garth Holmberg, Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan, Bill Ray, and Average Joe Everyman. If the Mafia loses, they are out of the BoD. Nameless members of White Coat Security surround the ring as the match begins All 8 members of the Administration surround the Midcard Mafia, closing in on them like a pack of coyote's. The Mafia stare them down then run after the Administration! The Mafia are fighting off everyone as they knock out Ray, Holmberg, Hopkins, and Rockstar Gary's #1 Fan, who all fall to the floor. Average Joe Everyman eats a super kick from Magoonie then runs INTO THE BRICK WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White Coat Security are helping out the Administration as only Justice Gray and Archie Stackhouse remain in the ring. The Mafia clean the ring of them then look outside at their opponents then at each other and decide to run outside and take them out with planchas. The crowd is going nuts as The Mafia continue to brawl but White Coat Security start to rough them up. Piers gets shoved into the post and attacked by Stackhouse and Hopkins. They roll him back inside as the action continues outside too with Ferrari and Magoonie fighting off the everyone else. Piers is getting assaulted but manages to kick out of a few pinfalls. Everything settles down as the Administration beat on Piers in their corner. Holmberg is wiping his mop in the face of Piers from the outside then the Riverdale Renegade, Archie Stackhouse, tags in and hits a wide array of suplexes on Piers. The rest of the Mafia cheer on Piers as he gets tossed outside and roughed up some more by White Coat Security. Piers' battered body gets rolled inside as Stackhouse covers but Magoonie breaks up the pin. He goes after some of the Administration but a White Coat Security member pulls out Piers and beat him into a pulp. Piers is rolled back in as Magoonie is ordered back to the apron by the ref. A member of White Coat Security holds down the leg of Piers as Stackhouse covers but the ref sees it and stops the count. Gray comes in and bullies the ref as Piers starts to fight back. He knocks around Stackhouse and mounts his comeback but Hopkins comes in and yanks Piers down as it is clear that the numbers game has been too much for the Mafia to overcome. Stackhouse tags Average Joe Everyman and he whips Piers into the corner but misses a corner splash and both men are down. The Mafia rally Piers as Ray comes in to prevent a tag but Piers does a somersault and tags Magoonie. He cleans house on Ray as Ferrari runs in to fight off the rest of the administration. These two midcard talents are cleaning house as Piers starts to get up. Ferrari and Magoonie start to toss out Hopkins, Stackhouse, and Holmberg. Ray and Average Joe have just been dumped outside. Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan start to beat on Ferrari as a table is slid into the ring. Piers boots down Gray and takes the table and he carries it and climbs up to the top rope! He takes the table and carries it up to his chest and leaps off of the top rope and on to White Coat Security and a few members of the Administration, taking them all out as the crowd starts screaming "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" In the ring, one of White Coat Security members takes out a needle filled with Haldol and gives it to Justice Gray but a masked man runs out and decks Gray in the face and pulls him outside!!!! The needle is in the ring as Gary's #1 fan grabs it but Ferrari takes it from him. Magoonie hits Rockstar Gary with the dreaded Magooniplex and Ferrari knocks down the #1 fan as Magoonie hits another Magoonplex and covers as the ref counts one, two, three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The masked man enters the ring and reveals himself as...........................................................................................................................Nebb 28!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Midcard Mafia are here to stay. What will the GM have to say about this.
The Administration are as follows: Justice Gray, Archie Stackhouse, Gosh Hopkins, Garth Holmberg, Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan, Bill Ray, and Average Joe Everyman. If the Mafia loses, they are out of the BoD. Nameless members of White Coat Security surround the ring as the match begins All 8 members of the Administration surround the Midcard Mafia, closing in on them like a pack of coyote's. The Mafia stare them down then run after the Administration! The Mafia are fighting off everyone as they knock out Ray, Holmberg, Hopkins, and Rockstar Gary's #1 Fan, who all fall to the floor. Average Joe Everyman eats a super kick from Magoonie then runs INTO THE BRICK WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White Coat Security are helping out the Administration as only Justice Gray and Archie Stackhouse remain in the ring. The Mafia clean the ring of them then look outside at their opponents then at each other and decide to run outside and take them out with planchas. The crowd is going nuts as The Mafia continue to brawl but White Coat Security start to rough them up. Piers gets shoved into the post and attacked by Stackhouse and Hopkins. They roll him back inside as the action continues outside too with Ferrari and Magoonie fighting off the everyone else. Piers is getting assaulted but manages to kick out of a few pinfalls. Everything settles down as the Administration beat on Piers in their corner. Holmberg is wiping his mop in the face of Piers from the outside then the Riverdale Renegade, Archie Stackhouse, tags in and hits a wide array of suplexes on Piers. The rest of the Mafia cheer on Piers as he gets tossed outside and roughed up some more by White Coat Security. Piers' battered body gets rolled inside as Stackhouse covers but Magoonie breaks up the pin. He goes after some of the Administration but a White Coat Security member pulls out Piers and beat him into a pulp. Piers is rolled back in as Magoonie is ordered back to the apron by the ref. A member of White Coat Security holds down the leg of Piers as Stackhouse covers but the ref sees it and stops the count. Gray comes in and bullies the ref as Piers starts to fight back. He knocks around Stackhouse and mounts his comeback but Hopkins comes in and yanks Piers down as it is clear that the numbers game has been too much for the Mafia to overcome. Stackhouse tags Average Joe Everyman and he whips Piers into the corner but misses a corner splash and both men are down. The Mafia rally Piers as Ray comes in to prevent a tag but Piers does a somersault and tags Magoonie. He cleans house on Ray as Ferrari runs in to fight off the rest of the administration. These two midcard talents are cleaning house as Piers starts to get up. Ferrari and Magoonie start to toss out Hopkins, Stackhouse, and Holmberg. Ray and Average Joe have just been dumped outside. Rockstar Gary & his #1 fan start to beat on Ferrari as a table is slid into the ring. Piers boots down Gray and takes the table and he carries it and climbs up to the top rope! He takes the table and carries it up to his chest and leaps off of the top rope and on to White Coat Security and a few members of the Administration, taking them all out as the crowd starts screaming "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" In the ring, one of White Coat Security members takes out a needle filled with Haldol and gives it to Justice Gray but a masked man runs out and decks Gray in the face and pulls him outside!!!! The needle is in the ring as Gary's #1 fan grabs it but Ferrari takes it from him. Magoonie hits Rockstar Gary with the dreaded Magooniplex and Ferrari knocks down the #1 fan as Magoonie hits another Magoonplex and covers as the ref counts one, two, three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The masked man enters the ring and reveals himself as...........................................................................................................................Nebb 28!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Midcard Mafia are here to stay. What will the GM have to say about this.
BoD Writer’s Championship
Tommy Hall vs. Stranger in the Alps (Champion)
Tommy's throwback du jour is a sweet Sid Bream Braves jersey. Stranger is rocking out with a Mookie Betts jersey as the match begins. Hall ducks outside to break a hold as the crowd boos. Hall comes back in then duck outside as Alps closes in on him. Hall goes back in and uses the ref as a shield then cheapshots Alps with a forearm to the face. Hall stays on the attack and starts to lay into Alps in the corner. Alps blocks a suplex and hits one of his own then drops an elbow. Alps now sets up for the can opener but Hall slides outside of the ring. He then goes over and grabs the microphone:
"I refuse to wrestle a man that is allowed to use a move such as the can opener. I have a family and write a tremendous amounts of wrestling reviews and e-books. I cannot properly do my job with an ice pack on my nuts. I write far too much and a move like that will take the food out of my mouth and the throwback jerseys off of my back. Until the BoD does what is right and bans this move, I will boycott any match featuring Stranger in the Alps and start a petition to not only ban the can opener but to strip him of the BoD Writer's Championship as this man does not properly resemble what it takes to be a champion."
The bell rings as Alps wins via countout. This feud does not seem to be over, folks.
Tommy's throwback du jour is a sweet Sid Bream Braves jersey. Stranger is rocking out with a Mookie Betts jersey as the match begins. Hall ducks outside to break a hold as the crowd boos. Hall comes back in then duck outside as Alps closes in on him. Hall goes back in and uses the ref as a shield then cheapshots Alps with a forearm to the face. Hall stays on the attack and starts to lay into Alps in the corner. Alps blocks a suplex and hits one of his own then drops an elbow. Alps now sets up for the can opener but Hall slides outside of the ring. He then goes over and grabs the microphone:
"I refuse to wrestle a man that is allowed to use a move such as the can opener. I have a family and write a tremendous amounts of wrestling reviews and e-books. I cannot properly do my job with an ice pack on my nuts. I write far too much and a move like that will take the food out of my mouth and the throwback jerseys off of my back. Until the BoD does what is right and bans this move, I will boycott any match featuring Stranger in the Alps and start a petition to not only ban the can opener but to strip him of the BoD Writer's Championship as this man does not properly resemble what it takes to be a champion."
The bell rings as Alps wins via countout. This feud does not seem to be over, folks.
BoD Solid B+ Player Championship
Joe Dust vs. YJ2310 vs. cabspaintedyellow vs. Hart Killer 09 (Champion)
Hart Killer 09 told Wade Michael Meltzer that he does not believe any of his opponents tonight has what it takes to become a solid B+ player. Match starts with everyone going at each other, except for Hart Killer, who ducks out to tell our #1 timekeeper, Mister E Mahn, that he does a fine job but that he could do better. Joe Dust is not impressed by what is going on in the ring and decided to duck outside himself and go after the champ. YJ2310, in the midst of the worst year in recorded American history, backdrops cabspaintedyellow outside to the floor. Could he be turning it around. Is this when YJ2310 starts to feel the excitement! YJ2310 flies outside with the greatest of ease and takes out everyone. The action goes back inside as cabspaintedyellow sets up Joe Dust for a tornado DDT but gets shoved outside by Hart Killer, who then kicks Joe Dust to the floor. YJ2310 sees his opening and puts Hart Killer in a reverse rollup but Hart Killer reverses that and grabs a handful of tights for the win!!!!!!! And the horrible, pitiful, tragic year for YJ2310 continues. He looks down to the ground, hanging is head in shame as Hart Killer gives the referee tips on how to count to three even better next time.
Hart Killer 09 told Wade Michael Meltzer that he does not believe any of his opponents tonight has what it takes to become a solid B+ player. Match starts with everyone going at each other, except for Hart Killer, who ducks out to tell our #1 timekeeper, Mister E Mahn, that he does a fine job but that he could do better. Joe Dust is not impressed by what is going on in the ring and decided to duck outside himself and go after the champ. YJ2310, in the midst of the worst year in recorded American history, backdrops cabspaintedyellow outside to the floor. Could he be turning it around. Is this when YJ2310 starts to feel the excitement! YJ2310 flies outside with the greatest of ease and takes out everyone. The action goes back inside as cabspaintedyellow sets up Joe Dust for a tornado DDT but gets shoved outside by Hart Killer, who then kicks Joe Dust to the floor. YJ2310 sees his opening and puts Hart Killer in a reverse rollup but Hart Killer reverses that and grabs a handful of tights for the win!!!!!!! And the horrible, pitiful, tragic year for YJ2310 continues. He looks down to the ground, hanging is head in shame as Hart Killer gives the referee tips on how to count to three even better next time.
PrimeTime Ten vs. Beard Money
PrimeTime Ten done messed with a country boy one too many times. Beard Money comes out with GRANNY, who is sporting a lucky bandana. Beard Money has missed his fans and comes out to slap their hands. PrimeTime is in the ring awaiting Beard Money to stop and get into the ring. He finally does and Beard Money points at PrimeTime. He does a cartwheel and that sends PrimeTime running. PrimeTime re-enters the ring but ducks out again and heads over to granny and tries to steal her purse! Beard Money runs out and helps Granny but PrimeTime has the bag and whacks Beard Money in the face and runs back into the ring, just beating the ten count for the win. And Beard Money comes back in and goes after PrimeTime, who escapes by the skin of his teeth.
WarGames
Parallax1978 & Jobber123 & GM Bayless & Upper Midcard Express vs. Cultstatus & Jef Vinson & The Fuj & Adam Curry & Kyle Warne
The first two in are John Petuka and Kyle Warne. These two slug it out all over the cage. Petuka slams Warne against the cage a few times then goes running across with a high knee but Warne dodges the attack. Warne starts to beat on Petuka but kbjone comes in and goes straight at Warne. The UME are using all of their double teams moves on Warne. Petuka sets up Warne for the dreaded Petuka Bazooka but Curry comes in and breaks up the attempt. He knocks down the UME and slams both men. Curry rams Petuka head first into the cage and he is bleeding. Now Jobber123 enters the cage and boots Curry down. Warne is beating on kbjone but Jobber picks him up and powerbombs him against the cage!!!!! Jobber puts the boots to Curry who gets triple powerbombed. Jef Vinson comes out and jumps right on top of everyone. Vinson is slugging away like a man possessed. He takes Jobber down with a super kick and splashes Petuka against the cage. Now out is GM Bayless, who goes right after Vinson, the man who helped get him eliminated at the BoD Rumble. Bayless hits Vinson low then drops him with an uppercut. Bayless hits Vinson with a DDT but the tag champs run over and stop him. Jobber and the UME are now up as the heels use the numbers game to their advantage. The Fuj is out next and he takes down kbjone with a big boot. Fuj goes after the GM and hits him with a backbreaker. He slugs it out with Jobber as the tag champs are now fighting with the UME. Parallax is out now and he comes in and curb stomps Curry. Parallax goes for another curb stomp but the Fuj boots him down. Jobber hits the Fuj from behind and Parallax gets up as they use a double press slam on him. Culstatus comes in as all of the competitors are into the cage. He clotheslines the UME. Bayless charges as Cult powerslams him. Jobber hits Cult but his Irish whip is reversed and Jobber is sent flying into Parallax. Fuj picks up kbjone and piledrives him and Cult follows that with an elbow drop. Bayless chop blocks the champ and targets the knee until Fuj picks him up and flings him into the cage. The tag champs pick up the GM for a double suplex but Petuka and Jobber break that up. Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray, runs out and heads ringside. kbjone is grinding the head of Warne into the cage like a cheese grater as Vinson is hammering on Parallax in the corner. Jobber and Cult are brawling as the Fuj gets suplexed by Bayless, who switches his focus to Vinson. Everyone else is struggling as Bayless knees Vinson in the face. Gray then pulls out another needle filled with haldol and slides it to Bayless. He takes off the cover and goes to inject Vinson, who fights back. Vinson knocks the needle out of the hands of Bayless, who is scrambling to find the needle. He gets it and charges toward Vinson who sidesteps him and slams him against the cage. Vinson takes the needle and jabs it into the neck of the GM and knocks him down with an uppercut. The GM is down and he is about to be out. He is looking sleepy and the GM is down. The ref counts as Bayless is out and the match has ended. What a brutal match as the GM has once again failed tonight. What will he have in store tomorrow night on BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first two in are John Petuka and Kyle Warne. These two slug it out all over the cage. Petuka slams Warne against the cage a few times then goes running across with a high knee but Warne dodges the attack. Warne starts to beat on Petuka but kbjone comes in and goes straight at Warne. The UME are using all of their double teams moves on Warne. Petuka sets up Warne for the dreaded Petuka Bazooka but Curry comes in and breaks up the attempt. He knocks down the UME and slams both men. Curry rams Petuka head first into the cage and he is bleeding. Now Jobber123 enters the cage and boots Curry down. Warne is beating on kbjone but Jobber picks him up and powerbombs him against the cage!!!!! Jobber puts the boots to Curry who gets triple powerbombed. Jef Vinson comes out and jumps right on top of everyone. Vinson is slugging away like a man possessed. He takes Jobber down with a super kick and splashes Petuka against the cage. Now out is GM Bayless, who goes right after Vinson, the man who helped get him eliminated at the BoD Rumble. Bayless hits Vinson low then drops him with an uppercut. Bayless hits Vinson with a DDT but the tag champs run over and stop him. Jobber and the UME are now up as the heels use the numbers game to their advantage. The Fuj is out next and he takes down kbjone with a big boot. Fuj goes after the GM and hits him with a backbreaker. He slugs it out with Jobber as the tag champs are now fighting with the UME. Parallax is out now and he comes in and curb stomps Curry. Parallax goes for another curb stomp but the Fuj boots him down. Jobber hits the Fuj from behind and Parallax gets up as they use a double press slam on him. Culstatus comes in as all of the competitors are into the cage. He clotheslines the UME. Bayless charges as Cult powerslams him. Jobber hits Cult but his Irish whip is reversed and Jobber is sent flying into Parallax. Fuj picks up kbjone and piledrives him and Cult follows that with an elbow drop. Bayless chop blocks the champ and targets the knee until Fuj picks him up and flings him into the cage. The tag champs pick up the GM for a double suplex but Petuka and Jobber break that up. Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods, Justice Gray, runs out and heads ringside. kbjone is grinding the head of Warne into the cage like a cheese grater as Vinson is hammering on Parallax in the corner. Jobber and Cult are brawling as the Fuj gets suplexed by Bayless, who switches his focus to Vinson. Everyone else is struggling as Bayless knees Vinson in the face. Gray then pulls out another needle filled with haldol and slides it to Bayless. He takes off the cover and goes to inject Vinson, who fights back. Vinson knocks the needle out of the hands of Bayless, who is scrambling to find the needle. He gets it and charges toward Vinson who sidesteps him and slams him against the cage. Vinson takes the needle and jabs it into the neck of the GM and knocks him down with an uppercut. The GM is down and he is about to be out. He is looking sleepy and the GM is down. The ref counts as Bayless is out and the match has ended. What a brutal match as the GM has once again failed tonight. What will he have in store tomorrow night on BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!