QOTD #39: The Munchies

Off topic Wednesday!

Today’s Question: What’s your go-to food late at night when you’re starved and need something fast?

We’ll take a closer look at that and our waistlines tomorrow. If you want to see what we talked about Monday, stay tuned – otherwise skip to the head to start right away.

So two days ago, I asked you to tell me about your favorite promos of all time.

Starscreamlive: What happened to today's qotd?

Oh, yeah … right. I had a particularly long work day, and passed out minutes after I started watching RAW on the PVR. I never fully got moving until much later than my usual wake-up time, and never had the chance to do this. I apologize to everyone.

Petrock: "The Genesis Of McGillicuddy" will never be replicated.

I don’t think you’re on the same page as the rest of us, Petrock.

PrimeTimeTen: "For the Hogans! And the Pipers! And the Macho Mans! And the Sids! Now it's Ric Flair! And Y'ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... pay homage... to the mannnnn. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Flair pretty much became the owner of the WWF right there.

jobber123: I think it was Bash at the Beach 94 (or clash 28) when Arn turns on Dustin to help Funk and Buck house Buck win a match. Back in the locker room the heels are celebrating and Okerlund does this interview and Funk gets down on his knees and cuts this insane promo about kicking little kids out of his way to get back to dressing room and before he kicked one of them the kid apparently looked funk in the eye and said "Why, why did you hurt Dustin Rhodes so bad. He's a great wrestling entertainer?" And funk like a maniac just screams "I KNOW...AND HIS DADDY WAS TOO"

Funk had a pretty stellar 1994 on the whole. His ridiculous appearance as a “legend” at Slamboree, followed by him taking over the entire show is also terribly underrated. Love the choice here.

JT Murphy: There are plenty of Rock promos that are bigger, better, or more important, but this one is my personal favorite: "God Spake To Billy" in 1999.

This alone pretty much derailed the Billy Gunn singles push for 2 years.

flamingtoilet: Cane Dewey. One of the all-time greatest promos from one of the all-time promo guys.

While I have no idea why the author titled this 1998, this is definitely one of Foley’s absolutely best promos. The fact he wasn’t brought in to the WWF for his speaking ability remains an asinine, and embarrassing oversight.

wnyxmcneal: Cut that music! Cut the damn music NOW!! How dare you, Rock. How dare you disrespect me, Rock! I AM THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION - I AM THE MAN YOU WILL BE FACING THIS SUNDAY AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE AND YOU HAVE NOT EVEN MENTIONED MY NAME ONE TIME! On top of that, everybody's talking about facing you at WrestleMania as if it's some kind of a foregone conclusion that you're gonna beat me this Sunday - as if I'm some kind of a fluke champion, or a transitional champion, but they can all go to hell if they thing that! And all of YOU all can go to hell if you think that! But most importantly, Rock, YOU can go to hell, too. Because there's something a lot more painful than any beating you can get, Rock, and that is the truth - because the truth hurts!" Pause for "Rock E" chant. "The truth hurts, Rock, and the truth is you had the chance to become the Undisputed champ last month at Ven gea nce, but YOU FAILED! YOU were beaten by ME! And you wanna talk about facing the Undertaker or Steve Austin at WrestleMania - you can face anybody you want at WrestleMania, but it won't be for this Championship! ["Ass hole!"] Because this championship is not yours, Rock - this championship is MINE - it's MINE - IT'S ALL MINE - IT'S ALL MIIIINE - and the truth is...Chris Jericho is the most overlooked champion in WWF history! But you know what else is the truth, Rock? At WrestleMania, I will STILL be the Champion - because this is MY championship - this is my championship, dammit, and this is my show, and this is MY...

"NO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! I AM NOT A JOKE! I AM SERIOUS! AND YOU WILL NOT LOOK PAST ME, YOU STUPID SON OF A (BITCH)!"

It was so unfortunate the company never got behind Chris Jericho until much later in his career, because he put everything he had into making himself World Champion material, WWE be damned.

DrFacts: This one right here:

I recommend nobody watch this with a mouthful of water.

Starscreamlive: I'm sure there are better, but the only thing popping into my mind other than all of Flair's promos from NWA is Dusty's "Hard Times" promo. Dusty connected with so many people in that promo, especially in the South, where all the textile mills were closing down and so many people were out of work or worried that they would soon be out of work. If you were a working man from the South in the '80s and weren't a Dusty Rhodes fan at that point, after hearing that promo, you were instantly a fan of "The Dream".

Dusty Rhodes always played his role perfectly. He knew how to connect with blue collar America, which often make up the biggest slice of the wrestling pie, and make sure he was the hero he’d rally around. He was wrestling’s equivalent of a factory union head, strong enough to stand his ground, and charismatic enough to make you want to buy into whatever he said.

NoCash: Backlunds promo at Survivor Series after winning the title, because for one brief moment in his speech, he sounds completely lucid then snaps back into crazy old man and it's creepy awesome.

Part of what made Backlund’s run in the 90’s so successful was his sudden ability to cut fantastic promos. He was NEVER known for his microphone work during his pre-Hogan runs, so his complete makeover definitely caught a lot of old school fans off guard. I have to love him being defined as “crazy old man” with that babyface that didn’t let him look a day over 30.

Mike Mears: Oh, snap. I just remembered my favorite one ever. We were just talking about this here a few weeks ago, too. It has no real historical significance, but it's Angle's pre-Elimination Chamber promo at New Year's Revolution '06:

Todd Grisham: "Ladies and Gentlemen, my guest at this time Kurt Angle. Kurt, later tonight you'll be participating in your first ever Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Title, what's going through your head right now?"

Kurt Angle: "Well before I get into that, first of all I'd like to say that I hope the U.S. loses the war in Iraq. And ah, while I'm at it, I think the greatest country in the world is France, what do you think? And you know, truth to be told, I'm not a very big fan of 'the black people.' And if I would go back in time, the one person in history I'd like to make tap out would have to be Jesus."

Todd Grisham: "Kurt, what do you... what are you talking about?"

Kurt Angle: "The point is, I can say anything I want to these idiots and they'll still cheer for me. Sure, when I first come out, they'll chant 'you suck', but after a couple of seconds I got them in the palm of my hands. They give me a standing ovation every time. And why is that? It's like a dog knows when a storm's coming in. Everyone, all these fans know that I am the greatest wrestler in the world. I'm better than Cena. I beat Shawn Michaels and Kane at WrestleMania. And Chris Masters and Carlito aren't even in my league. Now, I won my very first title here in Albany and tonight, I'm gonna do it again. Yeah!"

I’m looking forward to Kurt re-using much of this material as part of his Hall of Fame 2016 induction. At least he didn’t threaten to have “Beastiality Sex” with anyone in this match.

YankeesHoganTripleHFan: Don't know if its the best but certainly worth mentioning...."They loved you. They believed in you. And dammit The Rock believed in YOU! So you talked about headlining, you talked about main eventing Wrestlemania, after Wrestlemania, after Wrestlemania. Well how about you main event one more Wrestlemania WITH THE ROCK!"

The only thing that hurt this one is that it went on so damn long, with the WWE trying to milk every second of it. With that in mind … I’ve seen this about 8000 times.

Paul Meekin: Funny: Kurt Vs. Rey

Virgil’s Gimmick Table: Cactus Jack's "professional wrestling will never be respected" promo from ECW. It gives me chills every time. It's like watching a man who had realized his entire life has been for nothing and crumbling before your eyes. God Foley was amazing in his prime

Foley’s creativity when given free reign to say and do whatever he wants, is unmatched by anyone. He hit more home runs in his brief ECW period than perennial main eventers like Randy Orton ever will throughout their entire careers.

Sweet Lee: I could name a million, but I chose the one that I personally liked the best. "Who's your daddy, Montreal!!" There was guaranteed heat, because its HBK in Montreal, but the reaction he got was more than that - it was fucking nuclear.

There was 8 years of pent up frustration from these people just ready to tear into Shawn, and the WWE finally said “here, have at him”, gave him a live microphone and told him to do his thing like a piñata of meat in front of a sea of piranhas. Brilliant.

Koko B Flair: Mark Henry's "retirement" speech and subsequent turn on Cena was a thing of beauty. Best piece of legit acting by a wrestler since ... I don't know, one of The Rock's movies.

This is probably going to get forgotten within a year or two. Hell, it’s nearly off our radars now. Great piece of business from all involved, and quite frankly, should have bought Henry another title reign for selling such a badass angle.

JohnPetuka: I don't think I've seen one vote for Hollywood Rock's Toronto promo yet. That promo and character were so unique. He could make you laugh while muttering "asshole" under your breath. You could love everything he was doing, but still had no problem booing the guy. He kept everyone entertained, but still adhered to the heel/face boundary lines. He had become a caricature, but it made sense given that his character's ego was firmly out of control. Such a sublime balance.

I haven’t seen or thought about this promo in 10 years. Amazing choice; I am absolutely riveted watching this again for what feels like a crazy case of dejavous.

VintageECW: I could easily pick an ECW promo like Shanes' epic 30 minute promo or Cactus' Cane Dewey from late 95 but the one that always sticks out was a Jericho/Malenko face to face where Jericho asked Dean if he ever wondered why he and his brother don't look alike. Really top notch stuff from the two of them in the abyss that was 98 WCW and this one stood out big time for me.

I can’t find the video of this encounter, but I know exactly what you are talking about. The Jericho/Malenko feud was an expertly crafted work, that made fans believe Jericho was legitimately stepping over lines that had no business being stepped on. Finally, with a working agreement that Malenko would get a shot at the title as long as he kept his hands off Jericho, Chris went to work trying to get under Dean’s skin with as many insults as he could hurtle. Dean managed to keep it all in stride until Chris finally started making insinuations about his mother’s relationship with the milkman while daddy was on the road all the time, finishing with “have you ever wondered why you and your brother look nothing alike?” BAM – Malenko struck and beat him with the kind of raw intensity rarely seen in our so-called-sport. Killer.

Darren X: Does it get any better than Stone Cold in 1996, and those promos for Survivor Series? I remember seeing him in the junkyard before Survivor Series, and thinking you could not help feeling like Bret Hart's ass is in trouble. His dead-panned "I dont dance, son" in disgust regarding Shawn Michaels: CLASSIC.

New wrestlers should study this over and over. Austin was nothing more than a glorified midcarder, with the usual on-again off-again push, but in this promo he’s made to look like the baddest man on the planet that NOBODY should mess with.

Lenny Vowels: No love for the CM Punk heel turn promo from Death Before Dishonor III after he won the ROH World Title from Austin Aries in June '05, the original Summer of Punk? It was absolutely masterful. He had the crowd completely on his side through the whole match, won the belt, then went on a tirade about how he was taking the belt with him to other pastures (i.e. WWE) and how he screwed them all over. The crowd was just rabid as could be, but they were still eating it up. It only served to heighten the pop of a returning Christopher Daniels as well, who returned to kick Punk's ass and show him what's what. Anyway, watch it if you haven't. You won't regret it.

This was certainly discussed at length in the Punk thread, but I don’t think I shared the video. The fans never saw it coming, until it was too late.

MrJustinB: Hulk Hogan : Fee Fie Fo Fum, Andre. One Long Year and your time has come, man! (...) As Andre The Giant falls into the ocean, and as my next two opponents fall to the ocean floor and I pin'em, so will Donald Trump and all the Hulkamaniacs! But as Donald Trump hangs on to the Trump Plaza with his family under his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of the sea, THANK GOD Donald Trump is a Hulkamaniac! He'll know enough to let go of his material possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dog paddle with his life, all the way to safety! But Donald, if something happens, you run out of gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs run out of gas, JUST HANG ON TO THE LARGEST BACK IN THE WORLD, and I'll dog paddle us, backstroke us back to safety! (backstrokes out of scene)

Sweet Jesus.

TraitorAlex: I'll throw out someone who probably won't get mentioned in here. Miz's promo where he walked from the locker room all the way to the front talking about how JBL wouldn't let him change in the locker room at first, and how everyone hoped he would have quit by now. That was a high quality promo. And probably the only case in history of a guy talking his way into being the champion. The only thing he was doing at an above average level was promos but for 6-8 months he was just crushing them one after the other. In hindsight he was saying the same thing every time but it felt fresh at the time.

If Miz could show this level of hunger and desperation again, I’d be willing to … nope, he’s still the frickin’ Miz. I can’t do it.

Mitch, The Godfather: Very underrated one.

I would have much preferred to have seen these guys have issues about 10 years earlier; but I’ll take whatever Foley/Heyman work they’re willing to give us.

James: The Rock tore the crowd to shreds the night after Survivor Series 1998. It was in the same vein as his initial heel promo in '97, but he was now fully into his Rock persona and could skillfully articulate his beef with the fans

This is another beauty I can’t track down, but would be thrilled if someone shared in the comments section. Just a full on shit fest all over anyone who ever believed in him.

There were so many more in this thread, but I just did not have time to get to everyone’s choices.

The one I’m going to share today is not the most articulate promo you’ve ever seen. It’s probably not even the most well thought out. But it served its purpose in front of a hungry Canadian crowd who was so desperate to see their hero fight through the sea of crap that was WCW, and have a moment … any moment. And lord, did he have his moment.

I also have a soft-spot for this one:

Enjoy all the videos in the thread – and I’ll see you back tomorrow.