The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–11.07.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 11.07.94

My friend sent me a Destiny beta code. No idea if it’s something I’ll care about, but yay for free stuff and yay for finally getting something interesting for my Xbox One!

Live from Bushkill, PA. Is that literally a high school gym? Good lord.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and the empty hole in my soul once occupied by Randy Savage. Also, Jerry Lawler, beginning a run that would last for 20 years, give or take.

Bret Hart & British Bulldog v. Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart.

The brawl is on to start and the babyfaces clean house, as really Bret and Bulldog were a dream team from the 80s that never happened. UNTIL NOW. The heels regroup and Bret beats on the Anvil in the corner, but he walks into a bearhug and bites his way out. Bulldog comes in and dominates Owen with a clothesline and backdrop out of the corner, and a delayed suplex gets two. Nice to see Davey looking motivated for once. Owen hits him with a leg lariat to take over, and Neidhart goes to the chinlock and gets a knee to the gut for two. One guess who the weak link in this match is. Back to Owen for another chinlock, and he elbows Bulldog down for two. Neidhart with a gut wrench for two. And we take a break with nothing in particular happening. Back with the OWENZUIGIRI on Bulldog for two, and they annoy Bret enough to draw him in before hitting Bulldog with the Hart Attack for two. Owen with a crossbody, rolled through by Bulldog for two, but Owen cuts off the tag again. Vince notes what a big deal it is that Bret is the only two time WWF champion, Intercontinental champion and tag champion at that point. To put this in perspective with respect to how ridiculous things are today, The Miz is only one more WWE title away from not only doing that but also multiple US titles as well. We take another break and return with Bulldog FINALLY fighting off the heels and making the hot tag to Bret, and man is he pissed. IT’S A DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! There’s the Vince we love. Bulldog on Anvil gets two. Middle rope elbow gets two. Owen gets a cheapshot from the apron and Anvil goes for the powerslam, but Bulldog dropkicks them over and puts Bret on top. Owen then comes off the top with an elbow to put Anvil on top for two. The heels double-team Bret, but he clotheslines Anvil while Bulldog gets rid of Owen, and the Sharpshooter finishes Neidhart at 20:13. Classic 80s tag action. ***1/2

Survivor Series Report! Don’t be the guy who stole last year’s show on home video and ended up in jail! Especially not for Survivor Series 93.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Tyron Knox

Keeping with the cartoonish gimmick theme of this era, Knox is a black guy introduced from Charlotte, North Carolina. YEAH RIGHT. Sign in the crowd: “Vince for Senate”. Well, they were close. Bigelow tosses the mythical “Black person who lives in North Carolina” around the ring and chokes away, then adds some stomps as well. Dropkick and enzuigiri finish at 4:40. Really lethargic squash from Bigelow.

Vince McMahon announces that Randy Savage didn’t sign his new contract, and he wishes him the best in his future endeavors, giving him a really heartfelt goodbye. Holy cow would THAT tune change later.

The King’s Court with 1-2-3 Kid. Bob Backlund quickly runs in to cut off Kid’s promo, but gets chased off again by Bret Hart.

Doink the Clown v. Pat Tanaka

Oo, the quality jobbers this week. Pat’s into his black pajamas phase, like he woke up one morning and decided to stop trying with his gear. Doink works the arm, but Tanaka takes him down with a vicious legdrag and goes to work on it. Doink comes back with a backdrop suplex and finishes with the whoopee cushion at 3:10. Given how depleted the roster was, why would you not find something for Tanaka to do? Presumably he worked cheap and was a better worker than 60% of the guys on TV at that point.

Next week: 1-2-3 Kid v. Bob Backlund, and the debut of ALDO MONTOYA!