We are just 24 hours removed from John Cena adding a German Suplex to his moveset.
So, I guess I am right after all: JOHN CENA IS PRETTY MUCH BROCK LESNAR NOW ZOMG.
(Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)
Let's go...
We are STREAMING(!) from Ontario, California in Canada! Oh...just, California? Should I re-write or...? No? We're good...ok.
So, I guess I am right after all: JOHN CENA IS PRETTY MUCH BROCK LESNAR NOW ZOMG.
(Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)
Let's go...
We are STREAMING(!) from Ontario, California in Canada! Oh...just, California? Should I re-write or...? No? We're good...ok.
Byron Saxton and Michael Cole are the guys on the mics.
RVD and Rollins are set to go...but will this actually go down early for a change?
MATCH #1: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins
Yes. Apparently, we are. Initial lock-up ends with shoulderblocks on both sides and then a missed kick by both guys. The two go nose to nose as Rollins taunts RVD. Rollins kicks RVD in the middle of his "RVD" taunt and tosses him to the corner. RVD comes back with a corner toss of his own and then kicks Rollins, knocking him down. RVD, more interested in saying his name, gets attacked by Rollins. RVD comes back with a Leg Scissors pin for two, then sends Rollins out of the ring with a clothesline. RVD hits a quick Suicide Dive Splash outside and gets back into the ring. RVD gets tired of waiting for Rollins and goes outside. Rollins nails him with a clothesline after playing possum and we go to break.
After break, Rollins has RVD in an armlock. RVD gets to his feet but Rollins sends RVD into the ringpost. Rollins hits some knees to RVD's gut and then starts working on his arm, using a snapmare-into-armlock takedown. RVD gets to his feet and slings Rollins, face-first, into the turnbuckle. Both men get up and RVD hits clotheslines and a nice high kick. He goes for Rolling Thunder but Rollins gets to his feet to fast. RVD starts working on Rollins arms and then sends him into the ringpost. He hits the Thrust Kick and Rolling Thunder but gets two. RVD goes for the Moonsault but Rollins pushes him off the top buckle into the barricade outside.
Rollins regroups a bit as the ref counts RVD. RVD beats the count at nine and slides back into the ring. Rollins is pissed and wails on him with punches, then dumps RVD outside. Rollins chases and tosses RVD into the barricade. He puts RVD into a headlock and tells the ref to keep counting. The ref goes for six. Rollins tries the barricade toss again but RVD reverses and Rollins gets dumped into the timekeeper's pit. RVD quickly slides back into the ring as the ref counts Rollins out at 10:30.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam via countout
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match. Cheapo ending.
Post-match, Rollins bitches at the ref. RVD taunts Rollins who throws a punch. RVD blocks it and dumps Rollins from the ring.
After a break, Curtis Axel's in the ring for a match.
MATCH #2: Curtis Axel vs. Adam Rose
This match is happening because 1) Adam Rose isn't dead like everyone thought and 2) Curtis Axel doesn't like to party. Go figure. Rose's bunny actually threatened to attack Axel backstage, showing more action in three seconds than Rose has shown in a month. Axel takes Rose down by his legs and taunts Rose. Rose comes back with some cross body pins for one-counts. Axel beats up Rose in the corner but Rose comes back, kicking Axel with fury. Rose sends Axel across the ring but Axel stops himself, ducks an incoming clothesline and hits Rose with one of his own. Rose gets to his feet and fights back but Axel hits a dropkick, followed by a headlock. Rose finally breaks free, Axel chases him and Rose hits a quick Spinebuster. Rose hits a nice elbow after some punches and then a Hurricarana. He goes for the Party Foul and hits it on the second attempt, getting the win at 4:57.
WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
RATING: **. Not bad. Best match I've seen out of Rose.
NEXT: A look back on Brock Lesnar's glorified squash match.
We get an ad for Leprechaun Origins.
We're back and Cole plugs Night of Champions. We review the feud.
After that, Cole has us review AARP Crossfire when Hogan, Michaels and Flair debated John Cena as if he was the center of North Korea's nuclear program.
Los Matadores is backstage and they are NEXT against Gold and Stardust.
ON SMACKDOWN: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (and pretty much Harper and Rowan).
Goldust and Stardust get a pop because the "heel turn" was so vague, nobody realized it even happened.
MATCH #3: Goldust & Stardust vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
So, this is our last match of the evening. Gold starts against Fernando and he hits a Reverse Atomic Drop on Fernando. He tags Star and it's a series of counters and rolling around, leading to a hip toss by Star, followed by a kick to Fernando's head. Fernando comes back with a bit of a Frankensteiner and it's a tag to Diego who hits a catapult. Tag to Fernando and it's a dropkick and armlock. Star breaks free but Fernando hits a clothesline for two. Crowd chants for Stardust but Star can't escape the armbar. Fernando goes for a side suplex but Cody counters, landing on his feet, tagging Gold who comes in with his house-a-fire thing. Fernando comes back but runs into a Goldust powerslam. The Matadors bolt from the ring as we go to break.
After break, Star has a Matador in a headlock. Tag to Goldie who continues the hold. Fernando breaks but gets hit by Goldust flying off the buckle. Tag to Star who puts Fernando ino a wristlock. Fernando breaks and puts Star into a Sleeper. Star reverses it. Fernando breaks. Hot tags on both sides and Diego is all over Goldie and hits a hurricarana. Goldie takes over and gets a tag to Star. Star hits Dark Matter and we're done at 9:21.
WINNERS: Gold & Stardust
RATING: **. I'm still not seeing the appeal of these guys.
Post-match, Star goes after Torito and tosses him out of the ring to further emphasize, "heel". But since nobody can stand Torito anyhow, it doesn't work.
OVERALL: **. Same ol' Tuesday thing.
Er, that's it.
Look out for Thursday. We owe you guys a Total Divas recap. Try not to be TOO disappointed. We've had a helluva week. Thursday is the NXT report by the great Scott Keith. Thomas Hall has the Smackdown report covered to take you into the weekend. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.
Thank you to all the BoD'ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/
RVD and Rollins are set to go...but will this actually go down early for a change?
MATCH #1: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins
Yes. Apparently, we are. Initial lock-up ends with shoulderblocks on both sides and then a missed kick by both guys. The two go nose to nose as Rollins taunts RVD. Rollins kicks RVD in the middle of his "RVD" taunt and tosses him to the corner. RVD comes back with a corner toss of his own and then kicks Rollins, knocking him down. RVD, more interested in saying his name, gets attacked by Rollins. RVD comes back with a Leg Scissors pin for two, then sends Rollins out of the ring with a clothesline. RVD hits a quick Suicide Dive Splash outside and gets back into the ring. RVD gets tired of waiting for Rollins and goes outside. Rollins nails him with a clothesline after playing possum and we go to break.
After break, Rollins has RVD in an armlock. RVD gets to his feet but Rollins sends RVD into the ringpost. Rollins hits some knees to RVD's gut and then starts working on his arm, using a snapmare-into-armlock takedown. RVD gets to his feet and slings Rollins, face-first, into the turnbuckle. Both men get up and RVD hits clotheslines and a nice high kick. He goes for Rolling Thunder but Rollins gets to his feet to fast. RVD starts working on Rollins arms and then sends him into the ringpost. He hits the Thrust Kick and Rolling Thunder but gets two. RVD goes for the Moonsault but Rollins pushes him off the top buckle into the barricade outside.
Rollins regroups a bit as the ref counts RVD. RVD beats the count at nine and slides back into the ring. Rollins is pissed and wails on him with punches, then dumps RVD outside. Rollins chases and tosses RVD into the barricade. He puts RVD into a headlock and tells the ref to keep counting. The ref goes for six. Rollins tries the barricade toss again but RVD reverses and Rollins gets dumped into the timekeeper's pit. RVD quickly slides back into the ring as the ref counts Rollins out at 10:30.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam via countout
RATING: **1/4. Not a bad match. Cheapo ending.
Post-match, Rollins bitches at the ref. RVD taunts Rollins who throws a punch. RVD blocks it and dumps Rollins from the ring.
After a break, Curtis Axel's in the ring for a match.
MATCH #2: Curtis Axel vs. Adam Rose
This match is happening because 1) Adam Rose isn't dead like everyone thought and 2) Curtis Axel doesn't like to party. Go figure. Rose's bunny actually threatened to attack Axel backstage, showing more action in three seconds than Rose has shown in a month. Axel takes Rose down by his legs and taunts Rose. Rose comes back with some cross body pins for one-counts. Axel beats up Rose in the corner but Rose comes back, kicking Axel with fury. Rose sends Axel across the ring but Axel stops himself, ducks an incoming clothesline and hits Rose with one of his own. Rose gets to his feet and fights back but Axel hits a dropkick, followed by a headlock. Rose finally breaks free, Axel chases him and Rose hits a quick Spinebuster. Rose hits a nice elbow after some punches and then a Hurricarana. He goes for the Party Foul and hits it on the second attempt, getting the win at 4:57.
WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
RATING: **. Not bad. Best match I've seen out of Rose.
NEXT: A look back on Brock Lesnar's glorified squash match.
We get an ad for Leprechaun Origins.
We're back and Cole plugs Night of Champions. We review the feud.
After that, Cole has us review AARP Crossfire when Hogan, Michaels and Flair debated John Cena as if he was the center of North Korea's nuclear program.
Los Matadores is backstage and they are NEXT against Gold and Stardust.
ON SMACKDOWN: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (and pretty much Harper and Rowan).
Goldust and Stardust get a pop because the "heel turn" was so vague, nobody realized it even happened.
MATCH #3: Goldust & Stardust vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito)
So, this is our last match of the evening. Gold starts against Fernando and he hits a Reverse Atomic Drop on Fernando. He tags Star and it's a series of counters and rolling around, leading to a hip toss by Star, followed by a kick to Fernando's head. Fernando comes back with a bit of a Frankensteiner and it's a tag to Diego who hits a catapult. Tag to Fernando and it's a dropkick and armlock. Star breaks free but Fernando hits a clothesline for two. Crowd chants for Stardust but Star can't escape the armbar. Fernando goes for a side suplex but Cody counters, landing on his feet, tagging Gold who comes in with his house-a-fire thing. Fernando comes back but runs into a Goldust powerslam. The Matadors bolt from the ring as we go to break.
After break, Star has a Matador in a headlock. Tag to Goldie who continues the hold. Fernando breaks but gets hit by Goldust flying off the buckle. Tag to Star who puts Fernando ino a wristlock. Fernando breaks and puts Star into a Sleeper. Star reverses it. Fernando breaks. Hot tags on both sides and Diego is all over Goldie and hits a hurricarana. Goldie takes over and gets a tag to Star. Star hits Dark Matter and we're done at 9:21.
WINNERS: Gold & Stardust
RATING: **. I'm still not seeing the appeal of these guys.
Post-match, Star goes after Torito and tosses him out of the ring to further emphasize, "heel". But since nobody can stand Torito anyhow, it doesn't work.
OVERALL: **. Same ol' Tuesday thing.
Er, that's it.
Look out for Thursday. We owe you guys a Total Divas recap. Try not to be TOO disappointed. We've had a helluva week. Thursday is the NXT report by the great Scott Keith. Thomas Hall has the Smackdown report covered to take you into the weekend. Andy PG will have the RAW Report to start your week off right. I will be back next week, same BoD Time, same BoD Channel.
Thank you to all the BoD'ers and, hey, if you wanna read more of our stuff, please visit WE HATE YOUR GIMMICK at http://wehateyourgimmick.blogspot.com and, of course, visit us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wehateyourgimmick/