The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro–10.23.95

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 10.23.95

LIVE from Huntsville, AL

Your hosts are Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan & Mongo

Randy Savage v. Kurasawa

I still can’t believe they named Manabu Nakanishi “Kurasawa” for his gimmick name. That’d be like an American going over to Japan as “Spielberg.” Kurasawa fires away with some vicious kicks on Savage, but gets tossed to the floor. He no-sells it and lays out Savage from behind, and a suplex gets two. He goes to work on the arm and we take a break as Savage is just taking a hellacious shit-kicking here. Kurasawa throws chops in the corner, but Savage ducks out of the ring and Kurasawa accidentally throws a high kick to the post. OWWWWWWWWW! Back in, Savage clotheslines him on the top rope and drops the big elbow at 8:15 for his usual miracle comeback win. This was every post-91 Savage formula match you’ve ever seen, but holy cow was Kurasawa just unloading on him. Not great or anything, but Meltzer’s bile against it in the Observer at the time was crazy, as he called it a Worst Match of the Year candidate and give it -**. I mean, it wasn’t GOOD and I’d go like *1/2 on it, but it wasn’t unwatchable or anything.

Meanwhile, the lights go out and King Curtis Iaukea yells about…fuck if I can tell. Also, there’s a giant block of ice that apparently contains a Yeti. Interesting to note that this was intended to be the returning El Gigante but he couldn’t get into the country, so they just brought out the giant block of ice and pretended that he was in there. The Giant yells and makes faces to show how angry he is. The sooner they can get Giant pried away from this quagmire of suck, the better.

Hulk Hogan, still in black, is out to continue showing off his EVIL attire, and he might even keep the black gloves afterwards, because everyone knows how dangerous someone with black gloves can be. Stay classy, Hulk. Also, Sting and Luger and Savage can all come get some if they want to. Boy, that was more than a little bit of foreshadowing.

Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko v. Eddie Guerrero & The Mysterious Mr. JL

The heels get tossed and JL hits them both with a dive. Back in, Eddie takes Dean down with a headscissors and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and JL comes in with a diving knee into the corner. We then cut away to the back, where Scott Norton is brawling with the Shark for some reason. Bischoff hypothesizes that it’s a leftover from September 11 when they had a miscommunication. Really, it took Norton a month and a half to get pissed off about it? I think he might be a little slow. We take a break and return with Malenko getting a belly to belly suplex on JL for two. JL gets caught in the heel corner as the announcers have little interest in this match and constantly shill the Hogan match. Had there been a WCW Network back then they’d probably hard sell that as well, but would keep getting the price wrong. Benoit with a superplex for two and Malenko tries a backslide, but JL reverses for two. Hot tag Eddie and he dropkicks everything and takes them both down with headscissors. It’s BONZO GONZO and JL rolls up Malenko for the pin at 11:12. Good stuff, although not up to the level you’d expect looking at the talent here. ***1/4 And then Brian Pillman appears out of nowhere and DDTs Eddie on the concrete because he’s NUTS.

Harlem Heat v. Sting & Lex Luger

Bischoff is all “Hey, how about that shitty In Your House PPV last night? More like OUTHOUSE, am I right?” SHOTS FIRED. Even Vince hated that show, so that one probably hit close to home. Sting, who is wearing red and black and growing Hogan’s moustache for him, throws Booker around to start and we take a break. Back with Luger getting double-teamed, and Booker slugs him down for two. Harlem Heat were actually tag team champions at this point, but the title change wouldn’t air for another week so they weren’t REALLY champions, ya know? Luger gets the heat and even the camera crew is so bored that they cut to the iceberg for a more interesting storyline. Booker misses something off the top and Bischoff is all “There’s nothing there but plywood and three or four inches of canvas!” That sounds more pleasant than landing on the opponent, actually. Sting gets the hot tag and hits Booker with a flying clothesline for the pin at 9:09. Luger was not particularly good at this point. *1/2 Giant hits the ring and chokeslams everyone, showing some good fire as a heel, but Hogan comes out and makes the save, fighting off Giant and the entire Dungeon single-handedly BECAUSE HOGAN. Well, Macho Man was there too, but he barely counted by that point. Oh, and the Yeti hatches as the show ends. Well isn’t that special.

The Pulse

Nothing announced for next week, but this was clearly the worst episode so far. Having Hogan and Giant touch, let alone giving Hogan so much offense on him before they even had the match, was amateur-hour stuff. And the fucking YETI? Give me a break.