ECW Hardcore TV: January 16, 1997

In an effort to better appreciate the era in which ECW existed, I actually spent a little time reflecting on the shows themselves, in their original form. While it’s often hard to remember through my mind’s eye just how much poorly produced TV there was in the 90’s, I decided to jog my memory by Youtubing the type of quality commercials that made up the era itself.

I can remember this one playing, on what felt like a continuous loop, during every late night airing of ECW TV, and WCW Thunder (which I’d tape during a late Saturday night replay on one of the local channels). And upon seeing the awful, laughable quality, I’m just reminded that this is very much the world in which we once lived – and to appreciate ECW it to appreciate the lazily produced phone sex commercials that sandwiched around it. Thank you, Youtube, for never letting me down. Bring on the ECW!

DA GANGSTAS vs. TOMMY RICH and RICKY MORTON

Morton and Gibson have been MIA in WCW for the last couple of months, so it’s good to see Ricky collect a bounced paycheque between appearances. Straight to the weapons – with Morton beating New Jack over the head with a frying pan, while Mustafa works over Rich on the outside. New Jack and Morton head into the bleachers, leaving Mustafa alone to choke out Tommy with a chain. Rich escapes with a wild kick to the junk, but it doesn’t last before Mustafa boots him in the face. New Jack gets back in, and takes a thumb to the eye from old Wildfire, but Rich then accidentally decks his partner. Jack dives back in with a flying chair off the top, right to the face of Rich, and scores the pin at 3:08. Tommy absolutely sucked, and it didn’t get him an NWA title reign this time. *

“SCREAMING” JOEY STYLES is your host; and has all the dirt on what happened next. Frustrated from their lack of cohesiveness, Rich and Morton started punching each other, creating a vile bloody mess of indistinguishable blonde mullets.

Earlier today, a camera crew was sent down to the Team Taz Dojo, and after some initial resistance, Paul Heyman’s father eventually let them into the basement, they were let in for an interview. Taz says he’s been sitting out for the last month, because he’s waiting on Sabu. Until then, he’s not interested. Styles asks about the rumored shoulder injury he’s nursing, and Taz admits to it. Joey has his mind blown by this startling revelation, until Taz tells him to shut up, he’s been hurt since the day he stepped into ECW. It’s an old judo injury from when he was 19, and it acts up once in awhile. Regarding RVD, he tells him to get a haircut and train a little. To prove his shoulder is fine, he says next week he’ll show what he’s capable of.

RAVEN vs. THE SANDMAN

Raven’s still without his belt, and he’s decidedly pissy. He demands its return; and is greeted by the chain smoking, cane wielding, and likely drunk Sandman. Raven demands they settle this man to man, and decks Sandman in the face. No referee, so nothing official, but that doesn’t stop the inevitable back and forth slugout between the two. The fans, absolutely behind these guys, chant “BWO” in unison. On the floor, Raven grabs a table but Sandman spears him through it, and then suplexes the table onto Raven’s corpse. Raven recovers quickly, sets up the table across the guardrail and ring apron, and delivers a clothesline over the top that sends Sandman gingerly through the already broken table. Back in the middle of the ring, Raven gets his hands on the belt, holding it up proudly as he delivers the Evenflow. With Sandman incapacitated, THE BWO hit the ring distracting Raven. Sandman gets a beer in the interim (where the hell did that come from? Do they just materialize in his hands?), and spits it into Raven’s eyes blinding him. Raven swings wildly, beating up the entire bWo while missing Sandman completely. Stevie gives him a shove, and Raven trips over Sandman. Raven pops up, pissed, and Richards throws a StevieKick – but Raven ducks and he clocks Sandman! Richards grabs Raven, tells him they’re not finished, and the fans erupt in a “STEVIE!” chant! They threaten to square off, completely missing that Sandman’s back up and hits the Evenflow! Stevie shows his allegiance to Sandman, and nails Raven with the StevieKick just to prove it. He offers his shirt to Sandman, while is happily accepted … so that he can choke Raven out. Sandman punches Raven a number of times, tying him up in the ropes, allowing Sandman to grab the Singapore cane and smack Raven in the face repeatedly! Frickin’ OW! The fans don’t even groan as he does it, completely in tune with the violence, chanting “ONE MORE TIME!” Sandman downs a beer, crushes the can on his forehead as he’s wont to do, and leaves with Raven’s title again.

JOEL GERTNER welcomes the best chest in wrestling to his interview segment … Joel Gertner. And that’s all. Oh.

RAVEN, in a FOUL mood, steps onto the set and grabs Styles by the throat. He orders him Joey to get his title back NOW. TOD GORDON happens by, and tells Raven to grow up and get his title back “ECW style” by taking it. That’s also the most effective method in getting paid around here, too.

LOUIE SPICOLLI vs. CHRIS CANDIDO

We pick this up well into the match, with both guys selling after what theoretically would have been a long war. Of course, Spicolli might well be sucking wind just from the walk to the ring. Candido tries for a rana, but Louie picks him up and throws him on his shoulders. Candido knowing the DVD is forthcoming, grabs the ropes, so Spicolli just throws him over the top and to the floor instead. Chris sells the neck like it’s broken, and slowly makes his way back in … before admitting it’s a ruse and packaging Spicolli for 2. Louie heads up, goes for a super sunset flip, but Candido falls forward and gets the pin.

Candido shows his respect to Louie by throwing his armbands at him, which just starts shit all over again. SHANE DOUGLAS and BRIAN LEE rush in, triple teaming Spicolli, accentuated with a tombstone. PITBULL #2 rushes in, and is immediately chokeslammed by Lee … but he pops up, coked out of his mind, and kills any member of the Triple Threat he sees. The heels retreat, as the ECW logo comes up.

Late night programming rocks – and we’re not done. Stay tuned, because hot girls are waiting to talk to YOU.