WWF Superstars: January 26, 1997

With the Royal Rumble behind us comes a fresh set of WWF Superstars tapings from the Cajundome in Louisiana. A HUGE crowd appears to be in attendance for this one – and speaking of huge, JAMES E. CORNETTE has risen from the dead to reclaim his place at the announce table. Unfortunately, JIM ROSS is also here.

SUNNY, dressed in nothing more than a sports bra, is YOUR official timekeeper for the Superstars Bowl tonight. Lest we begin arguing on how family friendly Sunny’s cleavage is, the announcers turn to figuring out the rules for the Superstars Bowl. Despite a particularly convoluted explanation from Cornette, it’s an elimination tag-team match.

THE GODWINNS (with Hillbilly Jim) vs. FAAROOQ and CRUSH (with PG-13, D’Lo Brown, Clarence Mason, a Well Dressed Woman, and a Few Well Dressed Gentlemen) vs. DOUG FURNAS and PHIL LAFON vs. THE BRITISH BULLDOG and OWEN HART (with Slammy) (in a non-title Superstars Bowl)

Lafon starts with Bulldog, and takes him down with a single leg grapevine, but Bulldog makes the ropes. Lafon comes off the top, but Bulldog gets loose. Both guys reverse pinfall attempts, so Bulldog turns things over to Owen. Hart tries a monkey flip, but Lafon lands on his feet, so Owen hits a dragon screw instead. He starts working over the leg, taking a half second to smack Furnas in the face. The referee is forced to keep him in check, and Bulldog helps double team Lafon. Henry Godwinn gets the tag, so he just picks up Owen and slams him on Lafon for 2. Phineas tags in and hits Lafon with a vertical suplex. The Slop Drop is set up, but Crush saves for god knows WHAT reason. All hell breaks loose, and Furnas rushes in to dropkick Phineas into a schoolboy from Lafon, and the Godwinns are out at 3:56! The farmers take it to the Nation, slamming Crush face first into the ring steps on their way out, as we hit commercial.

Bulldog and Furnas are paired when we get back, but Bulldog quickly tags in Faarooq, and then clotheslines him as soon as he enters the ring, giving a 2 to Furnas. Crush comes in to a “JAILBIRD” chant, and hits a legdrop on Doug for 2.

We cut away to talk to HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY with CURTIS HUGHES. He’s facing Ahmed Johnson later tonight in a non-title match, which is a preview for their actual title match at In Your House. Hunter doesn’t think that Ahmed’s even gonna make it to the PPV after he gets finished with him tonight.

Back to action, Owen is in and nails Furnas with an enzuigiri for 2! He argues with the referee, allowing Furnas to cradle him for 2. The Nation tag in, and Furnas does all he can to fight them off with elbows to everyone. He succumbs in time, and Crush gives him a sidewalk slam for 2. Bulldog heads back in, and he hits the standing vertical to set up the powerslam, but Faarooq rushes in from behind with a chop block, causing Furnas to fall on top and they eliminate the tag-team champs at 9:55! Down to 2, Faarooq starts headbutting Furnas in the corner, who has nowhere to run. Of course, all this wrestling is too much, and we head to the back where …

THE HONKY TONK MAN talks things over with ROCKY MAIVIA. Is he the next protégé? Does anyone even care anymore? We need a commercial break.

Back to action, and by action I mean the locker room, AHMED JOHNSON is talking about … soap and water not removing something something his title. Cornette: “Ahmed, thank you for taking time away from your day job as a United Nations interpreter to speak to us.”

Faarooq is working a sleeper, but Furnas escapes with a jawbreaker. That just pisses him off, and he slams Furnas and heads up. Furnas stops the attack with a punch to the gut, and launches Faarooq with an overhead belly to belly! Lafon gets the hot tag, and hits a spinning heel kick. Crush tries to get anything going, but he also takes a spinning heel kick. Lafon goes for the pin on Faarooq, but Crush saves. A backdrop suplex knocks down Lafon, so Furnas dives in at Crush to stop the cheating. Still, with everyone gone and Lafon prone to attack, he takes the Dominator and the Nation win the Bowl at 12:10. Silly me, I was hoping the Can-Am guys might actually be starting a well-earned push. **1/2

KEVIN KELLY introduces Bret Hart, determined to find out if he’s got a legitimate gripe or he’s just a crybaby. Bret’s concerned he’s going to be remembered as a loser and a complainer, but he’s trying to get across the fact he’s being pushed backwards. He thinks Shawn Michaels is out to destroy his career, that Steve Austin is a cheater, and he’s even getting screwed in smaller RAW matches like his fight with Vader a few weeks ago. He’s ready to let bygones be bygones, since he’s got another shot at becoming #1 contender at the next pay-per-view, and he knows he’s the best wrestler in the match. When he’s done, he’s gonna throw Michaels off the mountain (and, let’s be clear, I’m thinking he means a real mountain), and when the smoke clears he’ll be the WWF champion for a 4^th time.

AHMED JOHNSON vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (with Curtis Hughes) (in a non-title match)

Footage is replayed from Saturday’s MSG show where the Nation recruited Savio Vega, and continued their never-ending feud with Ahmed. Thankfully, he’ll be taken away from Faarooq long enough to face Hunter for the IC title at Final Four. While Cornette and Ross argue over the dates of live events, Ahmed shoves Hunter to the corner and glares at him. Helmsley gets to his feet, but Ahmed tells him to stay put, and mocks the Helmsley’s self-sanitizing routine. Hunter manages to get in a shot, which Ahmed looks amused by, before throwing a meathook of his own. “WHERE’S THE BELT?” asks Ahmed while hitting a spin wheel kick. Boot to the midsection sets up the Axe Kick, but he misses an elbowdrop on the follow up. Ahmed regroups and charges, but Helmsley pulls down the top rope and Ahmed hits the floor. GOLDUST and MARLENA watch on a monitor backstage, as we head to commercial.

Helmsley’s working a knee into Johnson’s weak kidneys, and once he gets Ahmed down he drops a knee to the face for 2. Triple H starts considering his next move, but takes far too long as Ahmed stands up with ease and hits a standing vertical suplex for 2. Hunter comes back with a boot to the face, but he wastes more time with a curtsy. Ahmed backdrops him, so Helmsley starts a conversation with the referee, drawing in Curtis with the belt to hit Ahmed in the back of the head. Hunter happily goes for the cover, but Ahmed powers out at 2 – launching Helmsley with enough force to send him to the floor. Johnson hits the floor and throws Hunter back in, where he plants the champ with a spinebuster! The fans can feel the impending Pearl River Plunge, but Curtis attacks again at that’s a DQ at 9:15. Clean finishes aren’t the forte of either company these days. *1/2

While Ahmed gives Hughes the spinebuster, Goldust rushes in from the backstage area to brawl with Helmsley. Johnson dives into the fray, and gives both guys the business! He stands tall as Hunter rushes to the backstage area, and Jim Ross ushers us off the air. RAW tomorrow – Ahmed faces Crush! Will THAT end clean? Don’t bet your allowance on it!